Wow so dr had the audacity to agree with my mother that this is all attention seeking .that I like being miserable and that I don't do anything to help myself :(
So I got no help at all .

Oh, hun! I'm so sorry! Well, when all else fails and there's nowhere left to turn, turn to God. He will never abandon you. I know, you aren't christian & all that, but it seems to be your last hope.

You can maybe say something like, "Okay, mom, if you won't help me & dr. won't help me, then at least let me go to church. " If she says no way, then tell her something like - "Okay, mom, how about this - if you take me to church then I'll stop cutting." Now, I know it isn't that easy, but if that will get her to agree, then it's a step in the right direction. It's worth a shot.

I guess .just so angry now .thry were so demeaning to me .if that's even the right word :( all they kept saying is her life is perfect so she has no reason to be this way .sorry that I don't have some grand traffic thing going on to make me depressed :( I just feel miserable now .thry are taking me off all the medicine I was on but I don't know if that is going to help at all :(

I'm so sorry.

:( now I have to go get my hair cut cause my mom thinks I need one . I don't even want to go they make u stair in a mirror the whole time . Just the thought of looking at myself make me feel sick :(

Well, then close your eyes!

Yeah that's what I did.it worked a little :/ and i was holding my bag so I couldn't do anything stupid to my arm . Just sick of this shit so much :(

I know. Remember, you are the one in control over whether or not you do this. You. You're sick of it, and probably those around you are sick of it as well. This will all stop when you make the decision to stop it.

Part of the reason you might do this(just a guess, here) may be because you want a certain level of control. You don't like the fact that your mom is controlling your life so much, and this cutting thing is the only time you feel in control of something. Well, you can gain even more control by making the decision to stop doing it. Then you'll really gain control of your life, and in time you will earn the right to drive again, and other things.

Maybe ?

Well I actually got the right to drive back today kind of . But I get questioned before I leave . Idk if it's for control I am seeing a show currently and the whole time I've been rubbing them . There is nothing going on to cause it .its just some weird reflex :(

Have you thought of maybe wearing gloves ? Idk

Maybe that would work. I guess anything g is worth a shot at this point . Cause at the rate I'm going j will get an infection :(

You know what you need and that the help you're getting right now isn't enough. So ignore any voices, even your own, that are telling you that you don't need or deserve help, because you do. You are worth it. You are valuable. If you have to call 911 to get someone to listen, then do it. Do whatever it takes to get the help you need. I know you don't feel strong but you are strong enough to reach out and ask for what you need!

I guess it's worth a shot :/ I'm not calling 911 though I'm not in danger right now so it's a little extreme .
I just went to my library to take out some self help books the only issue is I have so little faith in me getting better I don't know
If I can successfully read them :(
Plus I had to have my mom come with me because I felt like I was going to drive to the train if I went alone ::(
When is this going to stop ?

It is absolutely worth a shot. You are worth the effort. It's just my opinion, And I don't mean to put pressure on you, but you don't have to wait until you're in danger again. If you know that you are suicidal and have tried to hurt yourself already, then you don't have to wait until you are physically about to hurt yourself again to go to the hospital. Self help books can be great, but it's also ok to let others in and let them share the weight you've been carrying by yourself for so long. If you decide that you want help today, then things can start to change today. I believe in you.