Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
OK...I am 38 and going through a divorce with a woman I thought was the love of my life. I spent almost 12 years with her and was glad for every one of the years. Prior to dasting her I dated occasionally, but ALWAYS ended up inthe friend zone because I'm a nice guy. Maybe I'm nieve, too trusting or just not outgoing or forceful enough. Why is it that most women I am attracted to have to have the "bad boy"...they guy who is a player, the guy who will treat them like shit and then throw them away and then they bitch about how badly he treated them? AND yet they would go back to him in a heartbeat...Am I just stupid or is this what happens?? LADIES...as a man who will be getting back into the dating scene (I hate that term) any advice on how to stay out of the "friend zone" and find someone to share my time, love and eventually my life with??
The Mystery of Silence
Dear Curt,
I come from a rather close-knit family, and was raised by parents with very good morals. I graduated from M.I.T. and am very intelligent (GPA 3.9). I've been blessed with good looks and an athlete's physique. I own a lucrative business that I operate from my beautifully decorated condo, drive an expensive European sports car (goes from 0 to 60 in 4.5 seconds!), and have absolutely no difficulty meeting women.
So what's the problem, you might ask? I seem to be cursed. For one reason or another, I cannot keep a woman interested in me. I just don't get it. I'm the type of guy most women look for.
I mean, with everything that I have to offer, you'd think that I would be the one terminating the relationships. Instead, all the women that I date stop calling with no explanation.
For example, I met a woman about a month ago, and after three successful dates, I invited her to my cousin's wedding reception. Towards the end of the night and after a couple of JD's, I decided it was time to impress my date.
I took the microphone and made a toast, then I cracked a couple of jokes (that I thought were really funny), and ended off by singing a song that I dedicated to the bride and groom.
I thought that I had impressed my date, but from that day on, I never heard from her again. She never even returned my phone calls or messages. Curt, what's wrong with me and what can I do to solve this curse of mine?
Anthony, the cursedseal your lipsAnthony, you've also been sanctified with a big mouth -- but if you reread the first few lines you wrote, you will notice that all they say is: me, me, me.
I already know more about you than I do about my own brother. But don't worry; I'll help you not only keep all the women you want, but even have a lineup of beauties waiting at your door.hold your mysterious horsesMost men feel very pressed for time, as if they only have a small window of opportunity to attract the attention of a woman. As a result, they feel that the only way to impress a woman is by telling her everything about themselves within the first few dates. Some men even go as far as telling their whole life story within the initial ten minutes of their first date.
The problem with telling a woman too much up front is that a man will lose the mystique behind his character. This is a big mistake because the mystery behind a man is one of the key elements to keeping a woman attracted to him.
The secret is to hold your horses and reveal only the essential information needed in order to keep her interest level high. A man can do this by simply responding to the things his date asks him about, and then returning the focus of the conversation back to her.
Offering a woman too much information is the equivalent of revealing all your cards, without giving her the chance to develop an attraction for you.
The danger here is that she might discover some flaws in your character, and a woman is less forgiving when her interest level is not yet fully established. It will be a lot easier for a woman to drop you during the initial stages of the relationship, when she still hasn't invested too much time into you, or fallen for you blindly.
By Matthew Fitzgerald
Dial up the independence
Act as if you couldn't possibly care less about getting women. Never change who you are to please a woman or in the hope that you'll get her into bed. Get involved in your own life and your own interests. Make plenty of time for male stuff. Your attitude should be: "This is who I am -- if you like it, fine; if you don't, leave."
Don't show emotions
Be indifferent and don't show you care. You should have a poker face at all times. Remain mysterious and don't let women know what you're thinking. Keep them guessing.
Furthermore, ration your words and make sure everything you say has a purpose. Don't volunteer information. Simply answer a question if asked.
Put the kibosh on crap
Refuse to tolerate any female BS. When she tries to test you, don't give in -- tell her to grow up. Don't be afraid to say "no." Stand your ground, or simply walk away from a situation.
Get her off the pedestal. Run the relationship by your rules, not hers. If you don't agree with her, say so -- don't be a doormat in the hope of getting laid. And if she doesn't like it, show her the door.
Light your fire
Bad Boys are all about sexual confidence, and women appreciate confident lovers. So don't be afraid to let your natural masculine sexuality shine. This doesn't mean you should go around leering at female chests all day, but you should be comfortable and confident about letting a woman know you're attracted to her without becoming a pawing jerk. And when you do step up to the plate, make sure you know what you're doing in the bedroom.
Make yourself scarce
For women, guys who are too available are boring. Bad Boys are selfishly independent -- they aren't desperately hanging around women, hoping to get tossed a few scraps of attention.
Women always want what they can't have, so make yourself busy and scarce. Be a mystery man. Be unpredictable. Be a challenge -- let her do some work to get you.
Turn on the confidence
Bad Boys always assume that women want them -- insecurity has no place in their personal vocabularies. This is the exact opposite of the usual male desperation. So your attitude should be that you're the catch, not that women are doing you a favor by talking to you.
You can't afford to be too nice -- catering to women, agreeing with every word they utter, paying for female attention (all things Bad Boys don't do) -- because women see this as "weak" and wimpy.
Be decisive and don't hesitate when talking. Don't second-guess yourself after you've made a decision. Voice your opinion and don't worry about offending others.bad boys, bad boysBad Boys may be jerks, but they have a lot to teach the average guy about attracting women. By observing a few of these typical Bad Boy traits in action, you can learn to use them to your advantage without giving up your nice status.
Even if you don't look like Brad Pitt, you can still attract lots of women simply by oozing male confidence.
This all boils down to one thing. A man that has HIGH SELF ESTEEM!! There are a lot of "nice guys" out there that have little confidence in themselves and play the chameleon trying to please whoever they are with ... but rarely try to please THEMSELVES.
I have experienced women that intentionally play these little head games to weed out the "wimps". I personally hate the head games and feel that they are the actions of a juvenile mind ... however, with some women, if you let them know that you are not going to put up with the crap, they see that as strength and you become more attractive to them and they stop with the games.