Heartbroken...relax and read the first half of this thread...there are some very good responses to the question. I do not get the feeling that anyone is bashing the "nice" guys here, I definately get the feeling there is some bashing of the women who like the "bad" boys.

It is hard to improve on what Gaelyn said in her response. I find it very intereseting that for the most part the men have not chimed in with why they are unable to find women who want to be with a "nice" guy...I have to be honest, with the exception of one ALL of my single girlfriends are looking for a nice guy. You know what they say? They say the nice guys are all trying to get the "bad" girls. LOL

I guess there is no sense in this world!

Heartbroken...there are attractive women who want nice guys. Believe me, I know they are out there. There are billions of people in the world, in the end, the odds are in your favor to find one.

Rejection hurts, I know and it gets so discouraging when the people you have feelings for don't return them. It makes you want to give up. But if you give up, there may be a wonderful, attractive, intelligent woman out there that will miss out on finding her nice guy.

Gosh, I'm sorry my words were taken to be bashing anyone on this site. I sure have appreciated all the support you guys have given me. I guess I spoke to "generally?" Anyway, you know, my STBX has gone in for the sexy little young things, several times I might add, so I guess my post came off a little too flippantly. Sorry folks.

You know, this not going in for the nice guys works both ways. Some of us nice, responsible, committed women have been dumped for the bad girls too.

My frustration comes into play I guess because of the women i am attracted to. I like attractive women who take care of themselves. I'm also looking for someone just as intelligent as I am. I'm sick of having to explain to my other half why things are wrong and shouldn't be done that way. The bad think is, most attractive women know they are and they use that to their advantage. I thought I had finally found someone that felt the same way about life and thought in the same processes as I do, but I learned the hard way that it was just a front to get me to like her. (stbx) I'm sure there are good girls out there, but I don't want to have to wait 1, 2, 5, or even 10 years to find her. I don't know if i can deal with the loneliness for that long. My heart is built for two, and I have so much love to give. I just seem to keep getting knocked back down farther and farther when I do try to give that love. I used to be so trusting and forgiving, but the last 7 years has made that very hard for me to find again. I'm trying to find that again. I really am. Problem is, I wear my love, affection, and emotions on my sleave for everyone to see. I don't want to hide those things about myself. That's what makes me who I am.

As for the bad boys going after the bad girls, I think alot of that has to do with wanting someone that will open up to you intimately and make you feel wanted. Everyone wants to feel wanted and it seems we keep getting crushed in the end.

It seems to me that everyone has gotten caught up in trying to define the "nice guy" or the "bad boy"....I can't speak for every woman out there but i can say what i am looking for is a partner...some one who loves and cares for me as much as i do them...some one who shares my interests and actually enjoys spending time together....some one who can take responsibility and can stand on their own two feet....yet be able to cry on each others shoulders when need be....some one who is not afraid to voice their opinion but also will listen....and the list goes on and on....but you get the idea...

"I'm sick of having to explain to my other half why things are wrong and shouldn't be done that way."

What does this mean? Can you give an example?

You should have a lot of wonderful ladies to choose from. You are older and wiser now and so are all the ladies. Just look for someone who is comfortable with who they are and what they want, and you will do great!

This kind of goes both ways doesn't it?
I always played the "good girl" role - waited till wedding night in first marriage - HE CHEATED with a skank 19 year old he picked up at a bar that was divorced and dad got custody of the 1 year old daughter.

Second husband - was Mr. Gentleman with me too - but turned about to be a serial adulterer.

My experience (I know not everybody's) is that there are women you marry and women you screw around with. Some men want the first type, some men want the second type, then there are some who want BOTH!

I will be looking for the FIRST type of guy the next time around!

Malibu -- I think you hit the nail on the head! I think this holds true for women too. Personally, I want the type of man that you marry -- the nice guy! And I want that guy to be the type of guy who wants a nice girl. I fear my husband might be the kind who wants BOTH, like you said.

Squawk - Wouldn't it be nice if they came with warning labels? LOL

I think you guys go for the wrong women ,My second husband had this problem before he met me ,he was always the friend ,well the thing is he hung out in a group of people up to some wild things ,party girls ,immature idiots who have low self esteem who think they deserve to be treated like crap. He had never met a mature woman who saw his value, till now. So check them out ,do they like to be treated badly ,if so why ? And run off and look for a woman that wants to be treated well who is not a silly child and not a stupid party girl (no offence any party girls your not all stupid )Oh and dont make friends first ,if you are a mate you will stay a mate ,make you intentions clear from the start.

what I meant by that daisy is that I was always having to explain why something wasn't ethical or honest. I was always having to explain why there was a need to talk about the issues that would arise in our marriage. I seemed to always be the one that was mature about things. It seemed like all the attempts that were made to correct the mistakes were deceptive and avoiding in the first place. Which in turn, reinforced that the thought of there being nothing wrong with that thought process was still there. It seemed like I was always having to explain why things where dysfunctional and cause 10 times what the problem was to begin with.

Stick to girls in your own league, stop letting your ego, seek out "eye candy" if you go for chicks that are too hot for you, you will only get burned. Look for a girl you can be friends with then take it from there. I'm sure that this message will not be well taken but I only mean it in the nicest way. Sometime we have to look at people for what is on the inside not just the outside - that is probably what you are projecting on the women you have been with. Try to look at women that you would never have given a second glance before, maybe you will see something. Again - only mean this to be helpful.

It wasn't taken poorly at all. I've thought about this same thing. The problem I find is that I have to be physically attracted to someone before I can try to take it any further than that.

I'm not at all saying that the additional attraction that comes from bonding and knowin each other isn't important as well. I could begin a relationship where there is a physical attraction to begin with, and still have that attraction later as people change.