I'm not an overly romantic person and sometimes sex is just sex, in the context of a trusting relationship... but sometimes sex can bring two people closer together in a way nothing else can. That would be my concern for a sexless or nearly sexless marriage. Sex is a normal way to convey love, care, emotion. Not having that would eliminate one whole way of communicating. Is that going to affect that relationship? Yep. Is it the most important thing in a relationship? No. Basic respect and trust probably rank higher, off the top of my head.. Besides eliminating a way to show love, the person who still wants/needs sex might become very resentful. Resentment and relationships don't mix.

Now if you are talking about different sexual preferences, that needs it's own thread.. lol.. but in a trusting relationship there should be compromise, within the realm of what two people are comfortable with. No one should feel abused, used, violated.. at the end of the day.

feelingnormal, you must be Loreena Bobbit's ex husband.

I'm late to this thread and it is a trigger for me.

My ex and I were always sexually on different pages. When we were younger and my libido was healthy, he ignored me. I did everything--losing weight, sexy clothes, watching porn, anything--he simply ignored me. At one point, I truly thought he was gay.

After my hysterectomy when my libido died because of lack of hormones, then suddenly he wanted sex all the time. Then the criticism began (we'd have better sex if you'd lose weight, if you'd dress sexier I'd want you more, etc.) It was a vicious cycle that I couldn't win, no matter what I tried.

His constant criticism make sex unenjoyable. He was never concerned about me, only about himself. It got to the place where I just didn't want to deal with it anymore. When he had the second affair, he tried to blame it on me, saying we weren't intimate.

Well, he started it all 27 years ago by ignoring me. He kept pushing me away, insulting me, hurting me and then he says it's my fault he cheated.

I say bullshit.

He had every opportunity to work with me to fix this, but he didn't want to. I now know that he didn't love me when he married me. I believe this is crux of the problem.

Do I blame myself? No--I tried taking hormones, losing weight, anything to get the intimacy back. I did my part. He's a cheating dog.

Sorry for the long reply--this is a real tough trigger for me.

((((hurting))))

whatever

anne, what does "whatever" mean?

*biting tongue*

Well, I hope you won many cases and your business is prosperous...
If you need an accountant, you know where to find me...on the threads you hate...by the way, this thread was a serious one...I don't usually talk about my feelings. I like you cause you and nova are friends. I hate my posts, too...

I like you rman. Even though I prefer hamburgers over tacos

If the partner WONT give it up because they don't like sex or dont want to have sex with "you" , then I don't think the relationship could work. That's not really fair to "you".

Now, if it's because of a disability, then that's a different story.

huh?

No.

no you said the magic word unwilling, where there is a will there is a way.

Unwilling means your either giving up or your taking a stand to not work on things.

Wikipedia: Not willing; loath; disinclined; reluctant; as, an unwilling servant.

BUT unwilling doesn't mean it is an end, you can reverse that and put into action a willing heart. It depends on if you both feel it's salvageable.

Jaken will pop a cap in all your asses, yo...

Jaken, you said, "Rman." That's a trigger...