Never had to worry about that and sometimes I wish I did. It would have made healing a whole lot easier.

Well, Jaken...if the there was ever sexual abuse involved, then that would be a completely different story. I would just hope that the partner who was abused, would have confided enough in the person she married, to tell him...

I don't think it can really happen anyway. If you're not genuinely interested in pleasing the other person, are you truly having sex? It's sort of unnatural not to want to be a good sexual partner. I mean, being good in bed keeps them coming back...

hmmm... trigger question for me!

I went 3 years making my marriage survive with no sex. I kept telling myself that if he had been injured and unable to have sex that I wouldn't leave him over that. He chose not to seek help about his supposed ED, and I just kept praying that would change. Then about a year ago I found the texts and porn, and if he's 'experiencing pain' when getting aroused what's he doing looking at porn?

Anyhow, turns out that he needs to be wearing women's clothing in order to become aroused. This is where I drew the line, and hence why I'm responding to this post. That part made us sexually incompatible, but he did not inform me of this "desire" before we were married, even though he knew he liked to do it before we were married.

So I'm in agreement with those who said if all else is okay in the marriage, then sexual incompatibility is workable. When issues start to arise, it becomes a bigger deal.

Now I'm just waiting for him to go on his long business trip so I can pack up some valuables I'm scared he'll break when I tell him.

I put on women's clothing from time to time, too. It just gets me

*slaps self*

@ mavsgirl: i admire the fact that this discussion is a huge trigger for you yet you are boldly engaging in the discussion and being so open. wow. you are one very gutsy woman. you are really showing how to heal properly and well.

some people are just pervs. why? who knows. i can't believe the women's clothes thing. that is so weird. i found out from my best friend's wife that he has a strange fetish for women's panties. just strange. she looked at me as if expecting me to shed some light on it. wtf could i say? i didn't have a clue.

maybe we all would do well to just blurt out what we really want to give and take in bed before we get too deep into our next relationships? maybe there is a place for tacos in bed? who knows. but, it sounds like great fodder for another post. :)

I just don't understand how a person who is able to achieve orgasm and who enjoys sex, once they are in the experience, is unable to get motivated to carry-out this sex, either alone or with a partner?

faithful said, "maybe there is a place for tacos in bed." hehehehe

I remember reading an interview with Dana Reeve, wife of Christopher Reeve. This was after he had his horseback riding accident and became paralyzed. She said "Things like this either tear you apart, or bring you closer together. For us, it brought us closer together." (paraphrased) That's been my experience too. Whatever the thing you're talking about, sex, or lack thereof, addiction, etc. if you can love the person through it, and have it bring you closer together, then you have your answer. If what it is is tearing you apart, you'll know it's not meant to be.

Sex is one component. I don't think it is "THE MOST IMPORTANT" component. It is just one component. Whether or not it is a deal breaker depends on the people involved

Don't forget: With time, looks fade and and desire can wane. Life gets in the way, too. You better have something between the two of you besides the fact you like to fuck each other, because once that goes, if you don't have other things to go back to, the marriage will definitely fail.

But what do I know? I've been divorced for 4 months.

.

What about the whole, catch 22 thing?

We argue because she doesn't want sex.
I don't want sex because we argue.
Just let's have sex so we don't argue.
You are arguing about sex, so I don't want it.
Just have sex and things will be fine.
Just make things fine before I will have sex with you.
I can't make things fine, because you won't have sex with me and I'm pissed.
You're pissed and I don't want to have sex with you...

I think my biggest thing about this is just honesty. I truly hope that my stbx can find someone that likes to be with him when he's dressed up. I can't be that person. Who knows I might have tried harder if he hadn't been asking friends to set him up with other women. *sigh*

damn sounds rough rman. my sympathy goes out to you. been caught in that one before

Thanks, azareth, but I was asking for a friend..