alot of this is normal. I have similiar fears. Since she still lives there your still in transition phase. it will be different once she leaves and a transition. However 44 is not old. I dont know you but I am sure you have wonderful reasons the right women would love you. I myself cant imagine dating. its all too new and of course now I have kids. Its all scary for me to even think of. I have read some of your post and really feel for your pain.

You'll be ok and 44 isn't old and I've already dated a couple of gals and I just turned 50. You'll be amazed how many women there are out there that are in your exact same situation, you being alone is your choice. You can change that. I wouldn't recommend dating right away, it's gonna be an adjustment, but believe me there are billions of women out there. If you want you can find one who WANTS to be with you.

trust me - there are so many single, high quality 40 plus women out there - that you will not have to spend one minute alone if you don't want to.

I know this because I am in this age group - these women are my friends and I admire them - any man would be lucky to have them, their career's, their stability etc....and they are generally overlooked by men seeking younger women.........so take your pick.....you will never be alone.

I am 47 and many men want to date me. At 44, you might as well still be in your twenties when it comes to dating - I mean you have a lot of time. You probably have to give yourself some time to get over your past relationship, mourn a little. But you will be up and running. Its ok to get it out here, let people know how you really feel right now, about being afraid. But at some point, stop telling your self you are afraid. Then, not being afraid will be your reality.

You are experiencing fears and pain most of us on this forum have gone through or are going through at this very moment. I am so sorry you are going through this but you will come out of it even stronger than you've been in the past. Do not let your fears or feelings of pain and loneliness overwhelm you. You can beat this with time and some inner awareness. It is okay to feel the things you are feeling, just don't succumb to them. Share your feelings and accept the support you find from others. Understand how vulnerable you are and avoid situations that might cause you more suffering. You are in my prayers. Strength and peace to you.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I knew when she said in January she wanted a separation this day would eventually come. It's so hard that the past 2 weeks where it seemed things were starting to work out, was just bullshit. I really thought we turned the corner and our way back to being happily married. I guess snooping and reading her text messages was the eye opener that I needed (again she's not aware I read her texts and I'm ashamed for doing so). Now that she has a move out date, I a, overwhelmed with extreme sadness, you can probably even call it depression.

I was the first to wake up this morning and as I was brewing the coffee, I noticed how eerily dark and quiet the house was. I then started to think this is how the house will be like everyday, all day once she and the kids move out.

We carpooled to work this morning and had small talk. I also noticed she stopped wearing her wedding ring again. I guess since our talk over the weekend, she didn't feel like she needed to wear her ring simply because her new coworkers know she's the wife of a manager at the company. Some will suggest that we should stop carpooling, but it just makes no sense logistically, financially and environmentally to take separate cars when we work on the same campus.

This is so difficult, I can't even concentrate at work. I'm in my office with my door closed and just want to lay down and crawl under a rock.

If a hot woman fell in love with you (your ex-wife) then you must be great guy, and someone else will meet you and think the same thing. You just have to be open to possibility, and stay positive!

I have similar feelings of not finding a guy good as, or better than my ex. There are many people crazy, or not suitable that I've met that have made me depressed feeling sometimes. I reach out to my ex because of fear of not finding someone better also, but I know I just have to be positive, and realize that if it never happens I must be happy with myself. I'm just trying to be happy with what I have at this point, and this has helped me get through these fears and depression. Hopefully if you just focus on little things to be grateful for, fears and loneliness will not be so overbearing, I wish you luck in your search!

I went through the same feelings. I suppose most of us here did feel, or are feeling this way. Know that you will feel better with time - have hope. It is hard to fathom that it will get better, and people telling you time will heal doesn't really help that much, but it is true.

I'm no longer afraid of being alone. I'm now used to it and I actually cherish quiet time. That isn't to say I don't miss my wife, because I do - some times more than others - but I am just fine alone now.

At first, there was a desperate feeling like I needed to join online dating and find someone soon. Now that feeling has faded. I'm enjoying being on my own and working on me. I will date again and I will find someone who wants to be with me, but only after I am whole again. And...I'm 51 and 5'4," and while I'm reasonably fit, I'm far from buff. Yes, I do believe I have a lot to offer and I'll find the right woman to share my life with and travel with.

Hang in there. It will get better, though the healing won't really begin until she is out.

We've all been there. It's perfectly normal to fear the unknown which is what you face when your spouse leaves. In my more rational moments I recognize that my bigger fear should be spending one more moment of my life with someone who doesn't love and value me as I deserve. The same is true for you. As hopeless and unappealing as the future may seem right now, you will be happy again.

I'm a 38 y/o woman, and worry the same things, fear the same things, want the same things. Try not to focus so much on finding someone or having someone right now. A rebound would only hurt you and your rebound in the process. I am not going to lie...I hate the dating scene, but there are good points to it also, having lived longer and being a little more jaded from life, you know what you do and don't want and pick up on red flags faster. In some ways I'm finding being alone enjoyable.. I can completely focus on my daughter and my future. I am taking an art class, which is something I've always wanted to do and I'm enjoying the quiet and peace and me time I get. I'm finding myself and am working on becoming a healthier person, so that when I do find that person truly meant for me, the relationship can be the best it is. Right now you feel like the world is ending, but it doesn't have to. Take the time and focus on yourself and your kids when you have them. Make friends. Do something you always wanted but couldn't because you were married. You can get through this, it is just a state of mind. Gentle hugs.

Side note, I wouldn't worry about finding another person because of your age, you are right in the age bracket of men I look to date, and there are a lot of women my age out there. We don't want the young pups, we want men who have lived and have their shit together...

There is plenty of time for you to find someone. My dad was 47 when he met my mother. She was 24. Dad had 7 children by his first wife and had been divorced 8 yrs. when he met my mom. They married when he was 49 and she was 26. Two years later, they had a daughter and 10 yrs; later they had twin boys when dad was 60. I am one of those twins. Dad and mom was married 46 yrs. when dad passed away at 94. Mom passed 20 yrs later at 92.

Don't give up my friend. Life has some tough times but, it is still worth living to the fullest. Best wishes to you and hang in there.

"Some will suggest that we should stop carpooling, but it just makes no sense logistically, financially and environmentally to take separate cars when we work on the same campus."

Seriously at this point ..personally I would say screw the environment. She has been detaching for awhile...it's gonna take a while for you to catch up, it's been a year for me already. Believe me it was a HELL of an adjustment but part of that was my fault hanging on to false hope and all that BS. The sooner you accept the situation the faster you'll heal but yes it does take time and you can't avoid that. Now I'm ok being alone, sleep fine and like not dealing with someone else's drama and money problems. You'll be ok..!

Coop is right. It may not make sense financially, logistically or environmentally but it makes sense emotionally. That should be your focus right now. An extra car on the road is worth it if it means you don't have to make small talk with her or look at ringless finger going to and from work. You are worth it.

Ditto on not carpooling. I hung on for a year not setting my boundaries for financial reasons. It was torture and absolutely not worth it. Think of the negative energy generated in that car ride and how that sets the tone for your whole day. Choose to take that time for yourself. My 2 cents...

I understand everyone's views on not carpooling. Another reason why we still carpool is we are known at work as a married couple and are seen in the paking lot arriving to and leaving from work together. Once we stop carpooling, I can guarantee people will start to wonder and will start asking questions. We are both just not ready to have to start explaining things to coworkers yet.
We know we eventually will have to start driving separately and let people know, but this is just her third week at this new job for people to start talking about her drama already.
Yes, it might sound "child like" but the reality is, office drama is just like high school drama and people like to talk.
I'm starting to distance myself from her now. I skipped the small talk on our drive home yesterday and last night. Her questions were answered with very short, straight to the point responses.