I understand what you are saying about the carpooling, and I've worked in an office with 300 women, so I get what you are saying about drama and gossip in the office, but the reason to not drive separately sounds kind of like an excuse. If it is her comfort you are worried about, don't. She made her bed and needs to lie in it, on all levels. If it is your comfort you are worried about, you have been there longer, I'm sure your coworkers know something is up, and has been. If you are approached, a simple "I don't want to talk about it" or "it's complicated" is all you need to say. Just make sure you are continuing to carpool for the right reason, and not with the hope that if you keep doing nice things for her, she will come back. This woman has shown you she is not afraid to use you and treat you as her personal doormat. Don't let her do that. If you do continue to carpool, keep it 100 percent business. No talk of personal stuff. As a woman, to me the things she has been doing and the game she has been playing with you is cruel.

I'm with SJA. It sounds like you're making excuses when it comes to carpooling. Earlier you said she stopped wearing her wedding ring to work. Why do you have to suffer her presence when she's otherwise given up the pretense of being married? If she's moving in mid-April people will notice you arriving separately in the very near future. I totally appreciate your reluctance to explain your situation to co-workers. When the time comes, please remember that you don't owe anyone an explanation.

I hear you all loud and clear. Perhaps it's me that's just not ready to drive separately. You guys are right about my reasons being just excuses. I think once she moves out it will be much easier for me.

I suck!

You don't suck..it's a huge adjustment. Just take care of yourself.

You don't suck. It's just important to recognize where you are emotionally. As Dr. Phil likes to say, "you can't change what you don't acknowledge." Recognizing that you're not ready to drive separately is an important step.

You do not suck. You are having a hard time. The end of a marriage is painful. Letting go is a process. My thoughts about the carpooling are that once you get through the initial adjustment, you will start to feel better and start making progress on your healing and letting go. It is like going NC. You really need to start taking the steps to move forward. You are keeping yourself in limbo, and you need to start setting your boundaries. Right now she is getting her cake and eating it too, so to speak. You absolutely have to set healthy boundaries, or you are going to stay in this limbo. Please take care of you and your emotional needs, because you are the only one who can do that.

I don't blame you for having these fears, but they are groundless. There are so many women out there that would love to date you and certainly you will eventually find the right one. The divorce process is traumatic and it will take time to heal. Change and loss is hard. But there will also be a time for new beginnings, fun and excitement. We are living in a time when you can have tons of dates at your fingertips with online dating and can even find sites for people who share specific interests. Eventually when you are ready to date, I suggest seeing it as an opportunity, without pressure to meet new people and have fun. All those doubts are like a little gremlin that's full of shit, and when it tells you things like you'll be alone forever, tell it to shut the fuck up. That's what I do. Lol

So, for some reason she she's wearing her ring again. Not sure why as she stopped wearing it almost 3 months ago, then started wearing it 2 weeks ago when she started work (she told her best friend via text she wears it as her coworkers know she's married to a manager of the company), THEN stopped wearing it the past week.

Yesterday, I noticed she was wearing it again. During our ride home, she asked if we can have sushi for dinner. Dinner went well, pleasant conversation, she did most of the talking, I mean a lot of talking. I just sat there and listened to her with the occasional polite responses. I didn't ask about the status of our relationship or why she's wearing the ring again. We watched TV in my room when we got home and fell asleep.

This morning, I told her that I don't feel like carpooling with her. She asked "why?" And I just replied that I plan on coming in a little later to work this morning. In reality, I just felt like being a selfish d**k and just didn't want to drive with her.

This is fck'n confusing. I feel like we are in high school again, playing games. So here's the deal:
I love her and would love more than anything for things to work out between us. I will continue to just be me.
I have accepted the fact she's made it clear that she wants to end our marriage and her closest friends are aware of this as she's supposedly moving in with one soon.
I'm not going to make any extra efforts other than what I normally do to please her in hopes she will change her mind. Only she can decide to change her mind.
I will go about my daily life, be civil with her and exchange pleasantries as needed. If she stays, fine. If she leaves, although painful, it's already expected.

I will be honest, many here tell me to kick her out and stop carpooling with her. I 100% agree I should do that, but I just CAN'T do it. I don't have that strength yet. My friend is sayng that I'm being a puss and just need "to kick her ass to the curb." But I'm not that way, I'm not that angry just yet. As someone on this board said, "hate her actions, but don't hate her." Or something like that.

I believe "kicking her to the curb" is taking the easy way and applaud your being more honorable to the woman you vowed to love. I understand your pain and confusion, but continue to be true to yourself. You will be better for it.

There is nothing easy about kicking her to the curb, to say that's the easy way out is just not true. It's about self preservation. Not being used and not being taken advantage of. Do this at your own pace though, eventually you'll reach your breaking point. I couldn't handle by wife leaving Fridays and coming home Sunday nights anymore, usually drunk and happy as a jaybird while I dealt with our daughter all weekend. That was my breaking point. Don't let anyone tell you how to handle it though, it's your own path. My ex was totally done and said so many times so that was enough for me. Good luck.

I know exactly how you feel. I have been married for 25yrs, but my husband and I had actually been together 31yrs. Not a word was sd to me that he was unhappy. I came home from the show one evening and he was packing his truck with all his belongings and some furniture. I was 1yr since my cancer surgery for breast cancer. Less than 3 months later, he has a girlfriend. Right now my son is living with me, but he will be gone soon. I am actually terrified of being alone. As it is I cry all the time because I miss my husband so much. I shouldn't though. Who does that to someone you have been with for 31yrs and have 2 beautiful children. My daughter is a lawyer and very very busy. She has been so stressed over the separation that she has gone down to 98 lbs. Her fiancee is finished law school this april and they will be moving in together. I am under a dr's care, but I just don't want to go on. I should mention that 44 is young. I am 60..Maybe don't look it but I am 60 and my ex is 64. I want to get it together for my kids, but I find it impossible to be happy.

You have just named all of the same fears that I too have had (well most of them anyway). The sad part is that it has kept me stuck and a very bad marriage with a man that has been cheating on me for 15 years. I would imagine most people to say (and they have) that I deserve better, when a friend said that I deserved a husband I didn't have to share, I just cried. I feel your pain. I'm sorry you are here. I hope you find comfort and peace and that you can heal quickly.

I too, believe you are at a good age to find someone that will treat you as you deserve to be treated. I would give it some time though to find out who you are first, besides being a great father.
I think you will be far better off doing what you are doing, rather than trying to get her to come back. You would have the future to wonder if she was going to do the same thing again and when. Also you would wonder every time she was late or not where she said she was going to be.
I wish you the very best
There really are a lot of people who like to be married and love family time rather than thinking they want to be single or want someone else. I honestly think you could do better.

You may be sad and lonely now, but, this doesn't speak to your future -- it's your decision. I understand being alone for the first time in a long while -- for me it is 20 years.

Like you, I too deal with deep seated loneliness. And, like you, I feared being alone in my older years as I am in my mid-fifties with no financial resources, no less. It's not idea and will surely be a major struggle, but, it is what it is and I will do he best I can.

I am OK with being alone because this is far better than remaining married to a man who betrayed me and stopped caring about me because he found a younger woman. I don't know what your situation is, but, there is no satisfaction in being with anyone who doesn't reciprocate love, care and commitment.

My spouse is physically gorgeous. He's in his latter forties and is rock solid eye candy. I thought about this as well. But, really, he's one of the ugliest people I know because of his immaturity and vile behavior. No amount of physical beauty will ever outweigh his true, authentic, narcissistic self.

Please try to find peace in being with yourself. Do whatever it is you love to do -- something you love so much that doing it alone feels good. One of the most attractive traits I find in anyone is confidence. Another is kindness. There will be women who will appreciate these qualities over physical beauty, because, in time, this surface will fade and leave one with what's inside.

I wish you well, joy, peace and happiness. Your sadness and loneliness will pass. Go to places that make you happy and be open to making friends who enjoy what you do. Consider it as new friendships and perhaps something may come of it. Seeking it out may be disappointing if your expectations aren't met or you measure it according to what you think you've lost. Remember, you had yourself before this person, and, you have yourself now.

So, last night we (including our kids) attended one of her close friend's wedding. She still had her wedding ring on and we both actually had a good time. At one point she sat on my lap while talking to another couple sitting at the same table we were. She was talking to them about us as a married couple, our kids and how we are a blended family and how proud she is of our kids doing really well school, as if everything was fine in our marriage.

The drives to and from the wedding were uneventful and nothing was really discussed. She has always avoided discussing our situation and I accepted that, so I don't mention anything either anymore.

When we got home, she got changed, said goodnight and slept in the guest room as she had been since January. Today she got dressed and left and made no mention where she was going. WTF? I just don't get her....