Well, from a different and slightly skewed perspective; I believe he is being mean to you to get You to leave. Men will do that when they stop being interested in their partner/wife, and the easiest way is to push them away. I think that he just wants out and there is nothing you can do. He doesnt care about you; he cares about the appearance of you, all the superficial stuff. If you dont measure up by those standards, then he doesnt want you. This is typical male thinking, shallow and petty, but his own thinking none the less. If you leave first then he has less to pay, if he divorces you, then you get more money, etc. He will continue this until one of the two options wins out, unfortunately.

I think in a wierd way he really cares he's just at his witts end to get me to be more active.....a mean way of going about it......I guess he's always been mean and nasty when he threatens divorce when I don't do what he wants me to do.........

what an asshole.. there's a reason i only date women ;-) seriously though... if he only loves you thin then he doesn't love you at all. File for your own damn divorce and show him!

If she files first, she will be the looser. Wait and let him file, and he will.

MY friend seems to think he's just blowing smoke up my ass......she doesn't actually think he will file for divorce she did say his threats were petty and controlling though.....

I don't have all the date, so to speak, but a guy saying that stuff - he is saying it to make a point, and I don't think it is a good point; I would be wary. Don't get blindsided.

Divorce!!!! I hate men like that!

There is plenty to hate, but more to be wary of.

hmm he sounds rude, hateful and insensitive to demand you to lose weight or he's divorcing you.

i think if he meant it in a nice way, you know being truely concerned about your health or something, that's one thing.

but to threaten divorce if you dont lose weight just sounds mean.

I tend to agree with most of the replies but if you think its the only way he is trying to help you (even if his approach is wrong), then sit down with him and ask him what he needs to see to believe that you are trying.... ie... 15 minutes or 1/2 hour walk per day if that is what you are able to do... lifting some free hand weights, also if you walk for 10 minutes 3 times per day, they say its the same as a 30 minute walk....

Its not wrong that he wants you to exercise especially with depression but you both need to be on the same page... men are visual and sometimes this overshadows the other qualities woman have ... but no amount of exercise is going to change without a healthy diet.. if your still eating junk, well the weight won't be budging that much...

I think a reasonable discussion should be had since when we agree to be in a relationship, we also have the right to want that person to be making efforts to remain healthy (within their control) ... it may sound shallow but most people who marry a 100 lb person have a hard time if after so many years they are 300 lbs... was it all meds or did they have a part in the weight gain?

I hope you are both able to come to an agreement and if divorce is the only option, then you will know you have given your best effort.... ((hugs)) polar,

Princess, I think Polarbare has a very good point. You really should sit down with him and talk about what he expects of you and what is reasonable.....it is important to share with one another your desires. We all have limits and breaking points and if we are not communicating well, how can we know that what they are. Sometimes when we ask for something repeatedly and the other does not respond, we get angry and say things we shouldn't unfortunately.

Ask yourself Princess............did he say you were fat? Does he mock you all the time? Has he been trying for months to get you to exercise and use your y membership? has he been asking you to get more active instead of sitting all day? Would you expect him to get pissed off? The same is true for you if he doesnt do something you want from him.

My husband has NEVER used divorce as a tool for getting me to do something. We talk about things and try to come to an agreement. We are not perfect, we aregue sometimes, but we always discuss it.

Honestly, I think this thread has turned into a "hate" thread toward your husband without us having all the facts. That doesnt make it right for him to demand you exercise or he will divorce you, but we cant know what he has tolerated up to this point, can we?

Shelly4 and Polarbare have made some good points. I still think he is being a COCK about it (to quote my beloved Spermwhale). Depends how long this has been going on etc., I really hope this all works out I just went through a divorce and it was amicable (no one ever really wins in the end in a divorce). Especially when there is a kid involved, it just sucks all around!!! I wish you the best and most of all I wish you patience...Maria J.

My dad used to say the same thing to my mom. They were married for forty-five years-when he died. At times when she would start to lose weight he would get jealous of her looking and feeling better and want her fat again.

I say do the best you can for you. As someone who is overweight myself, I know what I need to do. It's just a matter of getting up and doing it for myself. It is very hard to enjoy exercise if you are doing it because of a demand.

When you choose to lose weight you will. We all know it is healthier for us if we have some form of exercise. Try to forget what he has said and do it for yourself!

Good Luck!

Oh, and while the divorce is going through, you would probably lose a lot of weight and then he would regret losing you. That is what happened with a boyfriend of mine.

I was naughty. I stopped eating and ran everyday. A month later, I looked like a different person and he wanted me back. I won't tell the rest of the story because I was stupid and took him back for two months until I realized I and I will repeat that-I didn't want HIM!

If you want to exercise and lose the weight, you should do it for YOU!

You're on Geodon, right?

I'm losing weight on Geodon, but its a veeeery sloooooow process. These darn anti-psychotics don't make weight loss easy, that's for sure!

You can do it, I just wish your hubby was more understanding. These meds don't make it any easier for us!

Shelly, I really like your posts.

Right, your husband is going about this in the wrong way. That said, divorce is never just about one thing.

Here's my advice. Go with your husband to a relationship counselor. You guys have to figure out a more effective way to communicate with each other.

As to losing the weight, somebody else here is right that you have to do that for you. Get ALL of the junk food out of the house. Eat from smaller plates. Start meals with salads and other fillers. Stop eating out. And exercise, exercise, exercise.