Oh, oleander, it does suck. Try borrowing gas money from friends, that will ease the stress so much. Just not having to depend on your parents is such a bliss. The less you're involved with them, the better off you are. Oh and about God, um... Was she doing it for you, or do you think she's so religious she's basing her practice on that? They don't teach that in medical school, you know. Does it strike a cord with you? Religion can be healing, but you have to believe, (which I oh-so-don't), and my feeling is it's good for counseling, but not for therapy. Also, God does not cure severe suicidal urges. That's a chemical, not a spiritual problem. Really. You need good meds, and good (secular) talk therapy. With a family and friends like yours, you'd have plenty to talk about. :) But if going to church calms you down, then by all means, do it. It can't hurt.

Reading your posts, I feel so lucky. Our health care was free with state insurance, so my parents never knew where I went. The regional Center for Mental Health was literally two block down the street from my house. I got a referral from my pediatrician, and she even did it with no paper trace. I'd just 'go out' for an hour, and come back, and noone knew where I was or what I was doing.

i don't know if you have tried to commit suicide before...but it is not worth it. I almost succeeded at it and it was not pleasant. I hallucinated and thought i went to hell.. it was the worst experience ever!! I thought i would just go to sleep but that doesn't always happen!! Not to mention the problems you can have internally if you the pills do not kill you. Think of the consequences.. play it out in your mind. You are a wonderful person and there will be good days when you will feel better. YOU HAVE TO FIGHT!!! STAY STRONG!! SCREw the job---if you need to get the help from inpatient---go again.. there is help out there and the job will come back.. or find help to find another. your sanity and your life is what is most important right now. If your parents can't help you, then you have to find the strength on your own. call the ambulence if you have to . Just don't isolate.. keep in contact... we are here for you... stay safe.

Cb72 if I had friends I would ask them for money but don't anymore which sucks. As for church I was born and raised Catholic (private schools none the less) I believe in God but I don't believe he can fix me and it bugged me that she pushes God when on the paper to see her it says do you want God to be part of your treatment and I put no.

gecko586 As for not being alone kinda hard to do when your friends are gone, family is stressful, only people I have are coworkers who try but I put on a mask of happyness cuz last time I acted how I felt I lost people very close cuz they couldn't handle the pain I go through. So I am left with my three kitten's and my apt where the silence is nice it lets me think and there is no stress here it's nice and yea I have the people on this site but you know how that is it's just random people that if I died today wouldn't know and once they found out be like ouch that sucks lets see who else we can help out. But you guys keep me livin one day at a time. I just need help and I'm not getting it no matter what I try and it sucks.

Oleander...

what are the top three things that you need right now in terms of help that you could work towards

1)Support from family and friends that I can make it out of this
2)meds that work
3)sleep cuz I rarely sleep
But the thing is I don't have those things nor am I getting those things when I ask and I have asked many times and tried

ouch that sucks who else can we help?
WOW ! I think you should know that every time I get on this computer I look for you and it sets my heart at ease when I see that your still here.Life sucks ass sometimes and sometimes it just seems like one long bad day.But don't think for one second that it wouldn't effect anyone if you check out.there are a lot of people on this site that feel your pain.And I am one off them.I have already lost someone that I barely knew like that its been three years and it still breaks my heart, and everyday I see the lives that it destroyed.

Me too, I've already decided to check out of DS, cause it's turning into an addiction, but seeing your post I changed my mind. I check in to see what's going on with you. I got the feeling that I had helped a little, and you know helping others brings meaning to life. :)

So be a sport and appreciate the love we're sending you across the wire. It's really too bad we can't be doing this in a coffee shop at your street corner, but we do what we can. Who else understands you? And who else understands us?

Anyway
By: Martina McBride
You can spend your whole life building
Something from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might never come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy
It's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
In a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

You can pour your soul out singing
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yea - sing it anyway

I sing
I dream
I love
Anyway


Thought this song was perfect for my moods today.

high five

read the bible and pray

I know it will sound like a really easy thing to say but hang in there...I have many suicide attempts under my belt and the only thing I've learned is don't quit before the miracle happens

Have you ever heard of rashes because of the meds? I have lil red bumps on my legs, arms, and neck. I called and left a message with my shrink but it could be days before I hear from her.

Lamictal is slowly built up, very slowly, to avoid the rash. Rarely, the rash can be very serious, sometimes fatal, so that needs to be fixed.

Hey, maybe that's why she was upping the drug that didn't work - she was jut working you up to the full dose. But at your state, you're an emergency, and they should give you something that acts quicker.

That drug is one of the drugs I od'd on and never got the rash. I have been at 100mg for two weeks and the rash just started. Shouldn't it have started two weeks ago when I was put on 100mg.