It really is! When I added them up I was surprised :)

1st of July - zero hairs pulled.

Smileeeeeeey!

As always, after practising NOT pulling for a while, my awareness is such that I don't automatically reach up and pull a hair out. Trich: Disorder = Habit+addiction+compulsion. The habit part is probably the easiest to treat.

Feel free to disagree :)

It is unbelievably hard to classify trich. That is a great way to explain it, though! I think breaking the habitual element is the easiest part and has to be the first step. Yay smiley faces!!

Huh cool. I guess we can only describe what it feels like to US.

Drawing a smiley with sunglasses on my chart tonight. Definitely had to exercise a bit of willpower this afternoon and evening.

I am definitely hoping to get to the point where I have enough awareness and willpower that I can keep my hand DOWN even when I am stressed / tired / bored / depressed / etc. Right now I am still kind of like, well, I NEED to allow myself the option of pulling a bit each day... but hopefully I will soon get to the point where they will be more 0 pulling days than pulling days.

I also agree that trich is habit+addiction+compulsion. Sometimes it feels much more compulsive to me, like I absolutely CANNOT control it. Other times it feels more like an addiction, like I could quit if I wanted to, but I can't. And other times it just feels like a habit where it's like, YES, I can break this bad habit with willpower etc etc.

Yay another smiley with sunglasses!! : D

Oh that'd be sweeeeet! (Stressed, hand stays down). Practise makes perfect!

I guess for me I see it more like, imagine a big ball of rock. That's our disorder. Habit is the outer layer, it's not very tough, and it's not very thick. But it does have the ability to grow back! The addictive layer is next and it's much thicker and tougher. We really need the right tools to chip away at this layer. At the center is the thickest toughest part tough of the rock, and that's the compulsion part. By treating the habit and the addiction, but still being very aware of the powerful compulsion at the center, the compulsion itself can become eroded. The center of this innermost layer may always remain, even if the other layers and most of the compulsion itself has been chipped away. And the whole rock can alway regenerate, piece by piece.

Ooh, that's a little depressing. But since when was trich ever fun?

That is a great way to describe it! Sometimes I feel like the compulsion element is not really a factor, and it is just a matter of breaking the habit, and sometimes the compulsion part is the worst. On days where I pull only a few hairs, it is usually the habit part kicking in but it is easy to control when I increase awareness, but when I lose control on a bad day, it is all about the compulsion and I just can' t stop even though I am totally aware of what I'm doing. I think the most difficult part of dealing with trich for me is how incredibly inconsistent it can be, and how some strategies work well at some times and not others, and patterns I thought I had all figured out change suddenly.

Can I please adjust my analogy so that "impulse" replaces "compulsion" in all the instances? I do believe we are exposed to impulses rather than compulsion.

And it is currently characterised as an impulse control disorder rather than an obsessive compulsive disorder.

I find that even when I'm in the thick of a bad phase of pulling, I still know that I CAN control my impulses. I just don't wish too at that time because I'm finding it too hard. I've always disliked the word compulsion in relation to this disorder, because to me it makes it seem like we don't have a choice.

Hm, discuss.

Oh another smiley face with sunglasses for today. The sweet calm before the storm ;)

It's so amazing to identify with the words of others. Ditto - ditto - ditto --- same experiences. I hear you about the storm, but enjoy the smooth sailing for now!

Hmm, I don't have a problem with the word compulsion to describe trich, although I do think that it is much better classified as an impulse control disorder rather than OCD because there is no obsessive element to hair pulling.

I've been reading up about impulse control disorders and it's so interesting. Also my partner bites his nail and I recently asked him if it was pleasurable and he says yes. He also feels tension if he resists an impulse to bite. I mean, I knew those to behaviours were linked (both classified as BFRB's) but it's still nuts to hear. I don't know how to explain it but thinking of other impulse control disorders manifested on different ways just really emphasises the fact that there's nothing natural about hair pulling. Ugh that didn't sound right. I don't know how to put it. It just helps me a lot to see that biting nails or even stealing things (kleptomania) causes pleasure/gratification.

Smiley face with sunglasses today. I guess I've been doing quite well. I've been working on self love and self care, acceptance, boundaries, my perfectionism.. Etc etc. it's helpful!

I just wrote this in my recovery thread over in the Trich and Skin Picking Recovery group:

"Perfectionism is a big one. I tend to compare myself to more successful individuals and feel not good enough or kind of like a failure. Also, I often create goals that are unrealistic, and todo lists that contain too much for one day. I underestimate how long things will take and then feel guilty/not good enough when I don't finish tasks in time. I also tend to undervalue my opinion and I consistently ask others for their opinions on matters that concern only me! Ha. I've realised all of this quite recently and simply being aware if these traits has helped a lot. I'm trying to be way nicer to myself!"

I wonder if any of you have any of these issues?

A lot of that is true for me as well. I have always been hugely ambitious and I expect a lot from myself. In some ways it is a good thing, and was maybe even a necessary thing in the past - I grew up in difficult circumstances with family/financial situations, and ended up going to a very good school, traveling the world, and getting my dream job - but the amount of pressure I put on myself constantly is ridiculous. I can be a huge workaholic and I am so critical of my performance at work. I even put that same pressure on myself for things that I do for fun or outside of work - running, hiking, rock climbing, volunteer work, etc. I always push myself very hard and am disappointed in myself for not doing more - more volunteer work, more reading, more travel, etc. I am aware of the stress this causes, but I feel like if I don't put so much pressure on myself, I won't get the same results. I don't know if I would call it perfectionism, exactly, because I don't expect my work to be perfect, but I often hold myself to impossible standards.