laurabp

Ok, here I am after an extremely painful journal entry this morning, asking "what's wrong with me?" and by afternoon I have answered my own question. "Duh", as the young people say.The whole problem...

It is 34 months today since I lost Stan, and I feel more pain than I did months ago. It's almost like I am back at the beginning again except that I am no longer asking how do I get through the day...

Today I threw away my old coffee maker and set up my new one.  Should have made me feel great, except that my old one was the one that Stan and I used for years.  Another set of memories cast aside...

This is my 3rd Christmas since Stan died, and surprisingly, it is different from either of the other two years.  The first year I was on autopilot, determined to do a "normal" Christmas and not...

Today I got a postcard reminding me that I can order a Christmas wreath for my husband's grave, which I will do.  However, unlike last year when the thought was comforting, this year I am angry -...

Today marks 21 months since Stan died.  When I finished that first year, I was very surprised and disappointed to find that as I entered the second year, I went into even deeper loneliness and...

Overall, I am glad I joined this widow/widower support group.  I like to exchange ideas with people, and to compare differences in how we see things, solve problems, and in this case, grieve.  I...

I have spent the last 16 months stumbling around, trying to find what my life is supposed to be now that my husband is gone.  I was downsized about 6 months before he died, and then struggled...

Today as I was preparing to do laundry in the basement of my apartment building, I turned on my cell phone which I usually do, just in case I fall down the stairs, whatever, while I'm down in the...

I have finally figured out why people who have not lost their spouses expect us to "get over it" so fast; it is because they are in a different time zone.  At 15 months out from Stan's death, I did...

Tomorrow, March 20 is not just the first day of Spring.  It is the anniversary of the day Stan and I re-connected after a number of years of not having seen each other, and that chance meeting (or...

Well, here I am at 15 months out from the death of my husband, and feeling "in limbo".  I made it through the dreaded 1sts of the first year, felt like when I completed the one year anniversary that...

I thought I had totally run out of unemployment extensions and was really worrying about how I will survive until I turn 62 in ten months, hoping that my meager widows pension and savings will hold...

Having finally gotten through the dreaded 1 year mark on December 5th, I have found myself thinking a few random thoughts about my husband, my life, and the holiday season. 1)  I realize that I met...

As I was sorting through things recently during my move, I found this list that I had made before we were married in 1993.  It was in response to the question of why I loved Stan, and I find that...