Tired of Ignoring It All
Overall, I am glad I joined this widow/widower support group. I like to exchange ideas with people, and to compare differences in how we see things, solve problems, and in this case, grieve. I understand that people sometimes offend others without intending to and I have been guilty of that as much as the next person. Usually I find that when people appologize, recognize that there has been a communication gap, that the intent was not to hurt or offend, it all works out well and no offense is taken.
Then there are the people we are told to IGNORE. They are the ones who look as if they get some kind of pleasure out of deliberately offending or hurting others. We are told that if we ignore them, we will thwart their goal of getting us upset, and "win". Throughout my life I was personally told that I am "too sensitive" and need to "toughen up" so that I don't get hurt by these people. Tried that, but failed - discovered that being "sensitive" is who I am and I cannot change that. In the meantine I have found that the abnoxious ones do not stop if I ignore them.....instead they ramp it up, keep pounding at me until I get upset and they "win". Then they begin on another attack the next time I have to deal with them. I have a lot of experience with these people. One was my boss, one is my sibling, and over the years I found that ignoring them was hard work and took even more energy than confronting them. I found it was easier to just stand up to them in the beginning, tell them I am offended, and let them have their "victory". I will never understand why these people do what they do. I will probably always end up as the "victim" in my encounters with them. I just know that after a lifetime of trying to ignore them, I just don't have it in me to do that anymore.
I know that I'm being "oversensitive" as I write this, and I need to just put it behind me and get on with it, and I will do just that after a few tears. Today I really miss Stan, who would have understood, who would have defended me, and who would say to me "Laura, you are a lot stronger than you think". That's one of the things I hate most about being a widow - having no "cheering section" as I go through life.
Realistically these people are not going to go away, nor are they likely to stop their particular form of verbal and emotional abuse. I will avoid them when I can, step around them, and stand up to them when I need to, but I will no longer waste my energy trying to ignore them.
Then there are the people we are told to IGNORE. They are the ones who look as if they get some kind of pleasure out of deliberately offending or hurting others. We are told that if we ignore them, we will thwart their goal of getting us upset, and "win". Throughout my life I was personally told that I am "too sensitive" and need to "toughen up" so that I don't get hurt by these people. Tried that, but failed - discovered that being "sensitive" is who I am and I cannot change that. In the meantine I have found that the abnoxious ones do not stop if I ignore them.....instead they ramp it up, keep pounding at me until I get upset and they "win". Then they begin on another attack the next time I have to deal with them. I have a lot of experience with these people. One was my boss, one is my sibling, and over the years I found that ignoring them was hard work and took even more energy than confronting them. I found it was easier to just stand up to them in the beginning, tell them I am offended, and let them have their "victory". I will never understand why these people do what they do. I will probably always end up as the "victim" in my encounters with them. I just know that after a lifetime of trying to ignore them, I just don't have it in me to do that anymore.
I know that I'm being "oversensitive" as I write this, and I need to just put it behind me and get on with it, and I will do just that after a few tears. Today I really miss Stan, who would have understood, who would have defended me, and who would say to me "Laura, you are a lot stronger than you think". That's one of the things I hate most about being a widow - having no "cheering section" as I go through life.
Realistically these people are not going to go away, nor are they likely to stop their particular form of verbal and emotional abuse. I will avoid them when I can, step around them, and stand up to them when I need to, but I will no longer waste my energy trying to ignore them.
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