nikkinash08

So after my last journal I thought i was just going through a funk. Justhaving an off day. But nope im still down in the dumps and depressed. Im not even excited about our adoption orentation...

So i guess thisis what they mean when you hear someone say they dont care or give up. I have realized that I have subconsiasly given up. I skip taking my vitamis when I dont fell like it and I really...

Well i am doing good. I got a new hair cut. I have bangs.I dont ever remember having bangs. Everyone likes than and say they make me look youngre. WOW I didnt realize i was old enough to start geting...

So me and DH talked months ago about adopting if I could not get pregnant. We agreed that we would wait till the end of the year to start thewhole process. I really think that DH thought I would be...

So after the emotinal rollercoaster I was on last week I am completely numb. I dont even know what to feel. I like feeling numb better than feeling dead inside though. i am happy that i am in teh...

Well today is my little angels birthday. He would be 5 today. It seems lik ei miss him more today than ever before. Is it because i still dont have a baby to hold. Is it because of all the...

So today I am ver very boated. S bad that i have to have my pants undone on the top button. I dont know if that because Af should be here on sat if I'm not pregnant or if thats because I may be...

SO I miss my husband more than ever.  he has only been gone for  1 day and it sucks. I dont know how I will make it throug  the rest of the week. My little angles Ashtons b-day is on wednesday and...

Well today is the first dau i am not convinced the IUI didnt work. My bbs are hurting really really bad. If i run up or down the stairs they hurt. I think they are a little bigger. They have been...

As if things couldnt get any worse. My husband informs me last night that he has to leave sunday until friday. He will be gone on the 12th when is my angle baby ashtons birthday is.  he will also be...

Im so so mad. SO now the insurance company doesnt even want to pay for my diagnostic testing. They dont want to pay for the blood work or my HGC (the thing they look at your tubes) or the one they...

Ya so All i dreamed about last night was taking my pergeterone. I kept dreaming i dropped the pill then couldnt get the right pill. I kept trying to put different things in the aplicator and so on. I...

Well we went and did the IUI today. I have changed my diet and everything in preperation for this day. I am going to try and try to not worry about it and leave up to God. After all its all in his...

Im so nervouse about tomorrow!!! Not about the whole insemination thing or the procedure but more of the results. There is no life for me if this doesnt work. I cant think about it not working...

So I am one week out from my first IUI and starting to fral out a little. I go on monday to see how i am responding to the meds but i am slowly loosing my grip on teh stay possitive attitude. i gues...