Jat07

Well Dad is in icu stepdown....he was finally well enough to do a cat scan with contrast to find out what is up.......well it is definately pneumonia and also the true root of all evil is a...

so when we took dad to er they said labs were fine except for white count....turns out they didnt tell us the truth he got sicker and sicker and when we went to his doctors he had the er labs pulled...

so we took dad to the hosp yest evening he was so weak and sob secondary to the not eating and drinking enough.  they ran 1000cc of fluid in checked everything and he seemed much better.  i am...

so i am at work today and in our down time we can do what we want....but when i am at work my dad's girlfriend sometimes goes to his house and she is confused to and a big problem!  so i get a...

so yesterday was a struggle then seemed to end up good.  My dad needed to get his license renewed.....he is confused sometimes very week and not eating.  anyway i figured he would just want to...

I was doing a little better for awhile but today I am a train wreck....i am in the middle of a 12 hour shift today I just want it to be over.  I am so very sad right now I feel that i am sinking...

i am a mess..... one thing after another keeps going wrong and it is like i am frozen when i actually have time to do things....nothing is just simple.....and i am on this horrible emotional roller...

well i need to handle things .....and get things taken care of....there is so much to do and i cant bear the thought of selling his house but how can i keep it......we could sell ours and move there...

i just cant seem to pull it together.  after my last journal entry at work that day we went on a 39 year old doa.  i cant switch jobs its not an option.  the stress is definately making me sick. ...

this site really makes me feel like i am not so alone.  thank you for all the words of support, I find it so helpful.  and it means so much to me.  my moods keep flipping all the time still i...

well i guess i am officially in the angry phase of grief ....obviously.... i am burned out, tired, sad, and overwhelmed.  i am at work today.  12 hours at least sundays arent as annoying with...

why do i do this job why do i come to work everyday to take care of people who dont give a crap that we are there for them most of the time.....i have destroyed my back, my body and my mind for this...

well at work today and we were deciding on what to get for lunch so we decided to go to subway which seems normal but i havent been to subway since dad died...sometimes when we would go in there dad...

i am so frustrated more and more!  i havent had a chance to breath since dad died i dont get any time alone and i feel like i am going crazy ....i had to go back to work ( a pretty full stressfull...

well i am at work again today ....the station duties are done and the shift is my own unless we have calls....i am bouncing constantly between tears and anger now....i have an okay crew today which...