bad day

i just cant seem to pull it together.  after my last journal entry at work that day we went on a 39 year old doa.  i cant switch jobs its not an option.  the stress is definately making me sick.  and i am grieving so hard right now i have cried so much today i am losing my one job that i like so i went to another place to apply for the same position and found out they just changed their hiring process last week and it is now next to impossible to get a job there....just a little break would be fine.  any more stress and i am afraid i will actually have a heartattack,  i did a 12 lead on myself the other day and i t had some cardiac changes on it right now i think things are just inevitable.  i am going to get my will done and get things handled so when i have a heart attack at least everyone will be taken care of.  if i can get through the next 6 months i know things will get easier at least with the grief but i just dont know anymore.