Ellocin

don't want to fight anymore...i just want everything to be over... i hate life i hate it...so sick of things

3am and i'm still awake...i'm scared to go to my room, which is were I always give into the cutting urges... i figure i gave in last night what's the point in even fighting it but i know i don't...

so as you probably figured i ended up giving in...so tired of fighting the urges that it was just easier to cut... I just don't feel like fighting anymore...so tired of it...can only fight for so...

slept all afternoon, woke up around supper time...I knew I was tired...didn't think that much but apparently i was. it's 11:30pm now and I'm about ready to go back to bed.  I'm in a cranky mood. ...

not much to write about, am home now as of last night may go out again tonight, not sure roommate is home sick with flu, i'm trying to avoid catching it tired as anything, don't think i can even...

I'm writing today from the worlds s-l-o-w-e-s-t computer....lol.  I'm at my parents house, left my computer at my apartment and decided I'd try the one here that no one uses.  Wow, glad this one...

I think I'm struggling more with the depression right now then I care to admit.  I am trying to have faith that things will be okay (see article posted in previous entry) but I'm really strugglign...

TEACHINGS - Everything Is Going to Be Alright When you feel like giving ...

Doing okay...but I'm super sleepy.  I think I'm gonna need a nap but it's later then I want to have it.   Rheumatology went well.  For some reason though she didn't get my blood work so I have to...

I had a busy day today.  I got up at around 10:30am...not bad considering it was around 4 or 5am when I fell asleep.  Got up and got ready and went to my doctor's appointment.  Odd I know...it's...

Since I last wrote...hmmm...I ended up going back to bed.  I just couldn't fight the thoughts and stuff so laid down and slept a little bit.  Non-medicated so was up at suppertime.  I went out...

Well I was in bed about 1am...but boy did I ever sleep in.  It was after 12noon when I woke up.  Don't know why I'm so sleepy.  I never even heard the phone ring on 3 different occassions.   I...

I'm doing better then earlier when I wrote.  I ended up taking a dose of benedryl and sleeping.  It was only thing I knew that was safe.  Been up for awhile, had a good supper and caught up on...

I don't know what's wrong with me.  I don't know why I'm thinking and feeling the way I am.  Tomorrow marks 5 months of not cutting and I don't know if I can make it.  Right now I feel like I'd be...