rutowsle
Status: Burning, uncontrolled self-loathing and feeling so insignificant
Mood:
Ok
Offline
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I cried most of this morning, I woke up to a message on my phone from a company I owe money to. I only have about $600 worth of bills a month but I'm only making like 500. I was financially self...
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I woke up and felt like I was going to have a panic attack. I went to bed feeling very anxious and I didn't sleep well at all. I took my buspar and feel much better now. I keep worrying about my the...
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I know that my perverted humor is a defense mechanism, but last night I put it into words for myself. I'm perverted because I'm uncomfortable and thats how I make others uncomfortable. Also if I...
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I found out my therapist and the NP that I see for my meds may be going on strike on March 15th (The anniversary of my grandma Marions death). The union filed intent to strike on tuesday. When the NP...
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So I still haven't talked to anyone about what happened on Valentines Day. It still is really emotionally overwhelming. My mother made a comment that I blew my sister out of the water with the things...
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I don't even know how to process what happened this morning. It feels like a dream to me. I've been dissociative since her visit. I don't even know if I want to talk about it yet. I have therapy...
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I worked on school work for 9 hours yesterday and holy crap my brain is fried today! I still have to read the chapter and take my psych test today but at least I'm done with most of my comp 1 class...
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I just want to hold her. Hanna that is. I miss her so much. I had a dream the other night that I got to see her and she ran into my arms and sobbed super hard. I remeber in my dream I sobbed...
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I tried to call my niece Hanna tonight. Since my siter and her husband got divorced I haven't known how to get a hold of her. But now I know her number and I will call her as much as possible. Even...
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My lifestyle does influence my deathstyle because personally I plan to excecute my own death. To me it doesn't matter when I just know that I will. I know that if I don't kill myself something else...
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I got 100% on my psych test today, woo hoo yay me! It was an easy chapter I'm just milking the success! Lol! I haven't burned myself in a while now, couple weeks actually, the last batch took so long...
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Well I had my 100th session with my therpist on thursday... I've been so engrossed in school and getting drunk I haven't been putting much effort into my therapy except while there. There are a lot...
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I hate feeling like this, I can't face any responsibilities and I can't hold myself accountable for my actions. I hate myself so much... Oh these are the days I wallow in my misery... Sometimes I...
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I was thinking about it alot today, how unhappy I have been in my life and I just am sick of it. I'm sick of my psychotic bitch of a sister. I'm sick of my scars. I'm sick of not being able to sleep...
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Oooooooooooh school is really pissing my off right now. I'm glad I'm doing the online classes though, I wouldn't be able to handle going to the college. I can barely walk through the door when it...
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