rutowsle
Status: Burning, uncontrolled self-loathing and feeling so insignificant
Mood:
Ok
Offline
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My 99th session with my therapist today... For my 100th we teased that we should have streamers and noise makers. Wow, 100 sessions, that just seems nuts! I go every week and have for two and a half...
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Since my dicovery in therapy last week I've had my whole perception rocked quite thoroughly. My sister aparently has entered a sexual abuse program through our county. Right now I really rely on...
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Breakthrough!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow yesterday during therapy I felt like I got hit by a train! I still haven't had time to sit down and process it all, and put in the new puzzle piece and see what other...
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My ex-boyfriend called me tonight. I still love him and after 3 and a half years I always will! I did alot of shitty things to him after I got into meth and yet he still cares about me. He once again...
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I keep telling myself what a piece of shit I am. Obviously it doesn't help at all... I just want to sleep until spring semester starts. I need to stop going out, and I need to stop with all the one...
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I've been feeling rather dead (emotionally) since wenesday night when I came so close to attempting another overdose. Of course I added to it all rather well last night. Yeah as always I find a great...
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I've decided on the songs I want played at ny funeral. I've written my final words to be read by the pastor, or my brother or my dear friend Jason. I know these decisions are dangerous, because they...
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I can't stop! I'm trying to sleep and my mind goes to my pills. I keep remembering how easy it was to swallow them last time. My last suicide attempt was the closest to successful. I've held a gun to...
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I'm going to live tonight. I'm not going to give into the desire to swallow them all at once. Although tomorrow when I wake up the struggle will still be there. But the difference between 12:30 and...
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I want to take all my pills. I want to sink into sleep and never wake up! I almost had that peace last time. I shouldn't have survived. Why? Why did I live only to continue to want to end my life?...
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Before my suicide attempt I was doing great! (ha ha yeah right thats why I overdosed huh?) I was renting a house for the first time with two roomates, I had two jobs, one at a halfway house for women...
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I discovered a few cuts on my arm that I don't remember doing. They aren't horrible, and because I've still been hiding the very prominent recent scars from burning I dont know how old they are. I'm...
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Avoidance, thats the word of the week kids... I drink to forget, I drink to escape my mind, I drink to escape myself. I feel so weak, I know I've kind of hit a plateau in my progress. I just am so...
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I drink to melt away the pain. On the 29th my good friend lost her husband. even though they were separated they were still very close. But so many people were judgemental and condecsending toward...
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I finally feel like I'm coming out of the dark that surrounded me over the holidays. The physical weight of depression hasn't lifted but my mind doesn't seem as clouded. Although I don't know if I...
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