So sorry for your deep deep pain & loss. Please just try to hold on & try to just survive Hour by hour. I can't tell you it gets easier all I can say is you can survive. We are here for you to vent to express your pain. We all understand it. Hugs

I am so very sorry for your loss. Your loss is very new and raw. In some ways your story is similar to mine. They did not diagnose my husband with cancer at first but said it was pneumonia. I also was traumatized by his suffering. I am glad you found this site. We are all here for you. Sylvia

It was not to long ago, that I too felt the same loss, not knowing what to do or say, and not even wanting to be here. I know that my husband would not have wanted that for me. He would be upset if I had ever said, I would trade places. He was all about being everything for us. He did, and he still is our everything, although he is in heaven, he still is here in our hearts, and I do believe he guides me, and others to me, from heaven. I know were not suppose to talk much about god on this forum, but if you give it to god, I promise, he will help you, make sense of everything, and help to carry you through your wife passing on. None of us feel the way you do, grief is very personal, but please know that alot of us have been where you are now. Allow yourself to feel the way you ,do, and in the time you need. Time doesnt heal all wounds, but thing do change in time. Feel free to vent, scream, ramble on, we and I have been there, and still have bad day. Much love and hugs carla

After losing my husband to cancer I felt that way too. This isn't an easy time and seems to be endless. We had just celebrated our wedding anniversary and a couple months later he was diagnosed. I second guessed everything. I wanted answers. None exist. As you struggle with the emotions you will find a place to keep the good ones. Those are what keep us going. Hugs to you. Sharon

My heart goes out to you - I have been exactly where you are today. I still can't make any sense out of the loss of my dear John. All I can say is that this raw emotion that you feel will subside. It just takes time. Keep sharing here; it helps to know that you are not alone. Roxanne

I was 48 when I lost my husband after a diagnosis of Cancer. 8 days after diagnosis at the bigger hospital he had finally been transferred to . Locally , the DR's were not taking it seriously and "possible pneumonia or upper respiratory infection" " Probably just a bug"...

We had 8 days to say goodbye because when the diagnosis came , so did the verdict that there was no fighting chance... But in those 8 days my husband thought me so much and that is what I had to hang on to in order to survive losing him.

It is not an easy journey we were forced on , set backs will be plenty and to be honest our family and friends "don't get it". We don't even make sense of it so to be fair, how can they..

All I can tell you for sure is that you need to live your grieve in order to survive ... You must work through the pain bit by bit and not expect things to happen overnight... You were with your wife over 35 years, it won't just go away ...

I also did not want to live without my spouse but I figured out that the best way to honour his memory is to actually allow myself to grieve and live my life. Not jump both feet in and expect instant gratification, that won't happen but to take it day by day ( to be honest in the beginning, I had to take it breath by breath...Minutes by minutes just to survive) .

This grieving is emotionally the biggest roller coaster ride of your life...You will have periods of ups and then the next moment will be having a meltdown ..With time, the calm periods will be longer...
It's ok to question and doubt everything right now, to feel guilty and even angry...It will get better...That I can at least tell you...

I pray for you to be emotionally okay again.
God bless you.

We lost the other half of us. I was married for 41 years & my husband died without warning.
It is an amputation, but we are still walking around.
No one, and nothing prepares us for the deep intensity of aloneness, after being One for so long.
The disorientation goes through every bit of me and my life.
You are torn, raw, and in real shock.
Feel free to reach out for private communication, if you need it.
The people here are safe., in my experience.
I am sorry you are in such pain.
All my best,
Barbara.

I lost my wife in August of 2015. It was totally unexpected. I came home from work and she was gone. And I never would have believed I would still be here right now. Everything in your post I went thru as a husband. I went thru all the is there something I can do to bring her back. Is there really a way to turn back time? I wandered thru out the house and ran errands just to get lost in my own pain. Would go to the store just to stand there and try to figure out what to buy or what I was even doing there. Did not want to live. I wanted to follow her to where she was and is.
I can promise you this. If you can hold on, it will get better. And this isn't something you want to hear. I didn't. But it will get better. The pain will lessen. You have to only focus upon the moment your in. Tomorrow right now does not exist for you. Just today. You only have to figure out how to get thru today. Then when tomorrow comes you can figure that out. But take your time. Minute by minute. You right now can't see a future. I couldn't either. Without her, there was no future. But after a little over a year the pain is less intense and can be handled better. I still grieve and always will at some level. But only time can help. The other. Interact with those who have been where you are. It truly helps to know someone else has gone thru this. And has felt the same hurt and grief that your feeling right now. Just keep moving forward and don't stop.
Keep coming here. It was a Godsend for me and others. Get as much rest as you can. Let your emotions and your body heal. Cry as often as you need to. It really helps to let it out. And keep praying. If your a man of faith as I am, it will get you thru. Keep up your faith and believe it will get better.
Please take care of you.
Peace, Tim

sorry for your loss,we have all been through it especially when the wound is so fresh,you think of the memories,for me I still cry everyday and ask God why he had to take him from me,its hard when you know your the one who has to wake up with all the burden every morning but you have to push on,Trust in God and pray and that is what will get you through,its very hard I know but you have to move forward as its hard for me,I try as much..I pray that God take you through this hard times

Hi ,welcome to our club no one wants to be in. Its been almost 10 months for me. It feels as though I am not me and when i think i am the craziest person alive... I discover i am not.Sharing with the people on here is a lifesaver..Everyone knows what you feel here and you can be yourself..Take care of yourself. We care.

To be honest with you, I have been tearing up thinking of my love for the same things you miss about your wife this week before your post. During this holiday season, I met a lot of familiar faces and we hugged each other for Christmas, and then all of a sudden it reminded me how much I was starved for hugs and kisses.

Saying or feeling any of these things won't change the predicament we are in. There are things in life that cannot be fixed. But feelings need to be spoken and expressed and be heard. Take great care of yourself - a lot of things throughout the grief process will demand a lot of your energy to figure out, and you will. Some of these things came after a big cry, or through reading or or writing or speaking to someone, or after a long lone walk.

As answers to some of your worries becoming clear to you, you will be less sacred. You will be able to "read the entire book" and not just the last few pages of it. The last few pages - they still hurt like heck, but they won't be the only thing that keeps circling back.

Exactly..I hate the clinic that kept telling us it was pneumonia, but it was cancer. and in our case it had spread to other organs.. She passed within one month... 47 years of marriage ended abruptly in July... I also wish it had been me, She was so beloved by our very large family... Fives months now...and every day is still filled with tears and hell.. the nights when i can sleep a few hours are the only thing i have now.... I wish i could offer hope that it will be ok, but i can't,.. just know you're here and not alone.. this is the only place i've seen where there are actually folks that understand such traumatic pain we are going through...

I feel your pain and know your sorrow well, as I am going through the same emotions. It has been 8 weeks now for me and I am still lost without him. I too wish that I could turn back time, we started cleaning out his work truck yesterday and there were many tears and many more to come. Just take care of yourself and take it breath by breath and then minute by minute, that is what I am up to. ((Hugs))

Lost my dear wife of 51 years in September. No warning,not sick. In 5 minutes my world was ripped apart,shattered. I had no chance to say goodbye or I love you one last time. At times I feel it would be better to be with her,wherever she is, but I
Can't do that to my children and their children. This group is a great source of painful wisdom. We all share and support each other. Friends have told me it gets better and I have to believe them. There are no shortcuts. Geiving is a long awful
Experience. Hang in there.