My wife just died Dec. 2016 after 34 years of marriage.

I am lost in this world. I wander from room to room and cannot stop thinking about her. We were soul mates and had a great relationship that others wished they could find. Everyone loved her, she was a kind and gentle woman. We were best friends not just married.

I wander the house fixing, cleaning, arranging or making usless trips to the grocery store or I cannot seem to do anything.

I am sorry she died and I wish it was me instead.

I am hurting all day, every minute and every second.

I do not know how to live without her.

I pray to make time go backwards and we could have prevented it.

I hate the clinic that kept telling us it was pneumonia, but it was cancer.

I would never make a deal with the devil but will with God to make this nightmare be a nightmare and wake up and she is back with me.

I am seriously lonely and need her comfort, soft lips and touch.

I miss her laughter, kisses, hugs and holding her hand.

I miss telling her I love her and being kind and loving to her every day.

I hate waking up alone and she is not there and the nightmare is back.

I am traumatized by the way she suffered when she was dying and died.

I am proud of her for being so brave and dignified knowing she faced death yet still comforted me and told me she was sorry she was sick, not for her sake but for mine.

I am stressed and miss her beyond belief.

I tell those who ask, I am ok. But I am not.

I do not want to live without her.