Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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cadoggiemom 10/27/2012

To all of my DS "neighbors" in the path of Hurricane Sandy, my prayers are with you and your families to safety ride out whatever Sandy sends our way.

For many of us, this is yet another "first".....the first major weather event since losing our spouse. My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly on April 5, 2012.Not a day goes by that I don't feel exhausted from doing the work that the two of us used to do, and that was just the day-to-day chores. For the big things like a tropical storm, blizzard or tornado warning, we would both be securing things outdoors and making sure we had plenty of provisions for ourselves and our five pets.

Fighting my way through the packed supermarket and CVS earlier today, I felt alone and angry, then guilty for feeling that way. Then I thought about all of you who are in similar situations I felt things fall into perspective, and I felt comforted.

If we have "weathered the storm" of losing a loved one, Hurricane Sandy should be a piece of cake!

Be safe.....Juanita in NJ

deleted_user 10/28/2012

Excellent suggestions, Jeff. Here in coastal NC I've seen Jim Cantore in my neck of the woods more times than I care to remember. Nothing to add except for my widas/widowers to heed all advice. Don't take the precaution to have a full tank of gas and a gas grill of some type handy. Your electricity may be off for days to weeks,,. Good chance you will loose everything in your freezer so you need to have something ready to cook as much of it as you can. Everyone is great at helping each other for the first few days,even strangers, and then it becomes dog eat dog and every man for themselves. Manners and helpfulness go out the window (excluding close friends and family). Don't forget to have photos and an inventory of all possessions. Insurance companies won't pay if you don't have the receipt for it or a photo of it in your home.

deleted_user 10/28/2012

Excellent suggestions, Jeff. Here in coastal NC I've seen Jim Cantore in my neck of the woods more times than I care to remember. Nothing to add except for my widas/widowers to heed all advice. Don't take the precaution to have a full tank of gas and a gas grill of some type lightly. Your electricity may be off for days to weeks,,. Good chance you will loose everything in your freezer so you need to have something ready to cook as much of it as you can. And, when they finally get power the lines at the gas punps will be ridiculous and folks will be rude! Don't forget to have photos and an inventory of all possessions. Insurance companies won't pay if you don't have the receipt for it or a photo of it in your home.

cadoggiemom 10/28/2012

AHA! You have answered the question I had when I saw people buying huge bags of charcoal. I don't own a grill, and I'd never heard the advice to have/use one during a storm. It never occurred to me people would be grilling food so it wouldn't go bad. Live and learn!

deleted_user 10/29/2012

On the Jersey Shore tonight - pretty scared.

Didn't evacuate mostly because of pets. The shelter here says they will take pets, but I have a 175 pound dog & 2 bunnies in separate cages.

Kind of on the terrified side right now. I live right on a creek that goes out to the Raritan Bay and the news people are saying we could have a very large storm surge.

We have never gotten flooded up to the house, but if it is ever going to happen, it looks like this will be the time.

Have done all the preparation I possibly could. My husband was too sick to help me prepare for the last few storms, so this one didn't feel different, but now that all the prep is done & I am just waiting, it would certainly be better if he was here.

My daughter's boyfriend came for the weekend and he wound up getting stranded here with us, so that's a plus. A strong 18 year old has come in handy - LOL.

I have been a very busy girl for the past few days: Got the propane, the water, packed the freezer with ice, got some batteries (they were pretty scarce), filled vehicles with gas, moved mine to higher ground & kept big truck with me, stowed outdoor furniture as best as I could, already had an inverter, charged up portable power pack, moved boat away from trees, checked sump pump, let 10" of water out of pond, made sure all the tie downs on the pool cover were secure, checked the lines on the dock, put lawn mowers up on 4 pallets, put compressor & a few other things up on milk crates, did some laundry tonight in case power goes out, put some firewood where it will stay dry and I don't even know what else. I know I am exhausted but will probably not sleep. I need to keep am eye on the tide - it's due in at 8am, but will need to be watched much earlier than that.

Doing all of this reinforces my decision to sell - this is just way more than I can take care of for much longer.

Hope we do OK & praying for everybody else tonight..

deleted_user 10/29/2012

cliffskat 10/29/2012

Keeping you all in my good thoughts and prayers. My "first" one was Tropical Storm Fay which hit us in Florida on Cliff's birthday, 9 months after I became a widow, so I had a double-whammyof firsts. I had to do all the stuff he normally would do to keep us safe, and reassure my kids and my sister that we were going to be okay. I spent most of those 3 days soaked to the skin because I had to keep going outside of the house as things started to flood or come apart. At one point, it looked like my fence was coming apart, so me and my big son had to be out there in 60 mph winds hammering it back together so it wouldn't blow apart and then be flying missiles. We were both soaked that day. But I think Cliff would have been proud of us both - we did what he would have done.

You can get through this - stay safe, keep a battery powered radio ready in case you lose power and can't follow the advisories on tv. If there is a tornado watch in your area, figure out the most interior part of your house and be prepared to get to it. Ours was an interior bathroom. Bathrooms are also extra reinforced because of all the piping and tend not to have much in the way of windows. Your best interior space may be a hallway or a large closet. Whenever the storms would get bad, our cat would always head for the hallway in the middle of the house just outside that bathroom, so his instincts and ours I guess were in agreement!

If you are told to evacuate - GO!!! Your local governments only issue those directives after consulting with the folks who know whether or not you should - experts in storms. It costs them as bundle so they never do it lightly - if they think you should go to a shelter, it means you should go to a shelter! Please stay safe!

Typically, England will have your weather a week later - I hope not this time - but in the meantime, I hope and pray everyone including my two co-CLs make it through okay.

Sending you Love and Hugs,
Martha

cadoggiemom 10/29/2012

Dear lorby
I can't believe all you've done to get ready for Sandy. I was exhausted just reading your post. Isn't it amazing the things we're capable of when put to the test? I absolutely understand wanting to stay put because of your pets. I think it's wonderful that shelters have started to welcome them but can't imagine how they would be prepared to accommodate the needs of different species, especially keeping them separated for safety. You posted at 2:21 am, and the post just appeared. Not sure whether that indicates power problems on your end but hope not. Praying for your safety as well as the critters. Stay in touch as long as possible and hang in. My late husband's daughter and her family live on the Jersey shore, and they're just hunkering down and trying to convince the kids that they're all pioneers!

cadoggiemom 10/29/2012

Martha,
Thanks so much for more good tips....and the advice to follow the instincts of our pets! They really do know what they're doing. I'm amazed and gratified that this discussion has grown to five pages from either in the storm's path or others offering support and suggestions. Guess I shouldn't be surprised because that's what DS is all about. Thank you all for replying.
Juanita

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