Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I'd like to hear how you are REALLY doing, since we know our pre-bereavement friends think we should be over it. If you want, answer how far out you are and how you are getting along physically, mentally, emotionallly, spiritually and socially. Add anything else you think is pertinent, - like current favorite song.
I am at 23 months. My husband died suddenly at age 57.
Physically - I work out and use the ellipticals at the gym a lot. I get tired
easily.
Mentally - I teach Spanish 2 days a week and am taking a German course. I read a lot.
Emotionally - I have some good times, especially when I take "field trips' aorund here to art centers, nature sanctuaries.I also have a lot of crushing loneliness and anxiety that keeps me tired and sad. Sometimes I am angry or upset easily because I feel "raw."
Spiritually - I am trying harder than ever to lead the life I believe my Higher Power wants me to live. Prayer and meditation are big for me. I believe my husband is happy and well.
Socially - I get out 3 or 4 nights a week, am doing a weekend with and old friend at a spiritual conference soon, I sing with a group once a month, I volunteer weekly and try to learn new things. I probably look better than I feel. Mostly, I don't care a lot.
Financially - Okay. Not rich, not poor. Grateful I can do most all of my own indoor and outdoor work. I hire in electrians and HVAC services when needed.
Favorite current song: "Let It Be" by Lennon and McCartny
What helps me: God and exercise
I am at 23 months. My husband died suddenly at age 57.
Physically - I work out and use the ellipticals at the gym a lot. I get tired
easily.
Mentally - I teach Spanish 2 days a week and am taking a German course. I read a lot.
Emotionally - I have some good times, especially when I take "field trips' aorund here to art centers, nature sanctuaries.I also have a lot of crushing loneliness and anxiety that keeps me tired and sad. Sometimes I am angry or upset easily because I feel "raw."
Spiritually - I am trying harder than ever to lead the life I believe my Higher Power wants me to live. Prayer and meditation are big for me. I believe my husband is happy and well.
Socially - I get out 3 or 4 nights a week, am doing a weekend with and old friend at a spiritual conference soon, I sing with a group once a month, I volunteer weekly and try to learn new things. I probably look better than I feel. Mostly, I don't care a lot.
Financially - Okay. Not rich, not poor. Grateful I can do most all of my own indoor and outdoor work. I hire in electrians and HVAC services when needed.
Favorite current song: "Let It Be" by Lennon and McCartny
What helps me: God and exercise
Physically - I went back to work two months after Al passed away. I had quit work three years before so that I could focus on my husband and our 10 acre home. Work, our home, and walking three miles a few times each week helps keep me healthy.
Mentally and Emotionally - I'm ok, I guess. On the outside, I appear to be handling everything fine. It's when I'm alone that I let the facade down. I didn't respond to this post for a while because I have been experiencing what I suspect is the 'two year slump' and have been having a rough time again. I miss my Al more than I can describe and am now feeling a deep-seated sadness, yearning and loneliness. Plus, my 88 year old Mother is suffering from a terminal illness and I have been trying to manage her care, too.
Spiritually - I'm trying hard to be the kind of person that I was meant to be. My faith is stronger than ever before and I believe that I will see my husband again someday. I KNOW somehow that he 'made it' and he's ok and happy.
Socially - I go out for dinner or drinks occasionally with some of the friends I had before, but I only feel comfortable with the one that's a widow, also. I try with the others, but it's not the same now. They will have to accept me as I am; I'm not the same person I was before my husband's illness and passing.
Financially - I doing okay, neither rich, nor poor. As I said, I'm working again and there's a reason for that other than keeping busy. Fighting cancer at the #1 cancer center in the U.S., which is 650 miles from our home, was expensive. I've never been materialistic, but now I find that money and material things don't matter in the least. I can pay my bills and that's all I need.
Favorite current song: "Forever" by Rascal Flatts
What helps me: Knowing that I'll see the soul I knew as Al again someday. And, the love and company of a beloved four year old Granddaughter who is, and has always been, a blessing.
Physically Very well. I was my wifes sole caregiver during her cancer and while I thought I was taking good care of myself I found myself very sick by the time she died. It took me a full year but I am finally feeling good. My recuperation has lead to some very healthy lifestyle changes so that has been a blessing.
Mentally and Emotionally I think too much at times. Over analyze things and sometimes assume things I shouldn't. Things I never did before. I miss her terribly. Mainly her companionship. We could talk about anything and those discussions always kept me grounded. I am lonely.
Socially - I am trying to engage more socially. I'm self employed so I have to fight off becoming a hermit. I have not found where or how I will do that but I'm not giving up.
Financially I am doing ok. Business is good and while I don't have a lot, I have enough.
Thanks again for asking. I had to stop a few times to fight off the weepy urges but writing this has made me feel better.
Physically: I have RA which I was dealing with before Robert passed and something which I will have to deal with for the rest of my life. It's an autoimmune disease which can cause a lot of pain. I take it one day at a time.
Mentally: I feel I am doing well. I have a lot of friends and an active social life and friends are always trying to keep me busy. I am very busy with work, just obtained my Masters in Nursing so I can breathe now that I have completed that task. I travel a great deal and just came back with friends and a cousin from Costa Rica which I enjoyed tremendously.
Spiritually: I am active in my church and church activities and have friends at church whom I engage in outside activities with.
Emotionally: I still have days like today that my heart aches and I wish Robert were here just to talk to. He and my mom were my talking companions. He is no longer here and my mom has Alzheimer's. So sometimes it feels as if I have lost my two best friends in life.
Socially: I am doing great. Have more social activities than I can keep up with. My single and married friends continue to invite me to functions though I am single now.
Financially: it has been tough. Robert and I bought this house which was more expensive than the one we previously owned with taxes three times the amount as before to give our youngest son then 10 yrs. old a better school area and better environment for him to grow up in. We achieved that and live in a well sought after neighborhood, but Robert became ill 8 months after we moved here and it was tough for me to swing things then with him being on disability and it s still tough but thank the Lord, I am able to manage.
Favorite song: I like most.
What helps me: My taking things one day at a time and not stressing the small things and prayer.
I am only at 13 weeks so I am in the early stages of grief. My husband was only 60 when he passed away. I miss him so much.
Physically I am better, to help with all the emotions I have been walking or biking everyday. I also have been eating healthy. Which is funny because somedays I just want to go be with Tom and here I am taking care of my health. I am a walking contradiction.
Mentally I am working and taking a class at night. So that keeps my brain busy. I also attend a grief support group twice a month. And I love to read.
Emotionally I am up and down at any given moment. I miss him so much that at times I wonder what the future will bring. I cry, have guilt, And laugh. My emotions are running amuck.
Spiritually I am going to church. It was hard at first because Tom and I met there, he played keyboard in the worship band, we married there, and I had his memorial service all in the same church. My faith has kept me going all my life.
What helps me now? God, my family and good friends, and exercise.
Favorite song? Not sure right now.
Well I think that's it for now. Marilyn