Barely Hanging On
On April 6 my wife, 31, was killed in a car accident. My three young children 1,4,6 were in the back seat and survived with minor injuries. My oldest son got out of his car seat and checked mom over trying to open her eyes up and such, but told his little brothers Mommy's dead. I thought things were getting better a day at a time, but now that the numbness is wearing off that empty house and bed are really starting to kill me inside.
I have been very strong in my faith in God for years, and through this time, I am feeling as though my faith is failing. I am losing hope. I had the perfect marriage and wife. We were truly soul mates and best friends. Now I have no one. At 32 years old I am now a widower, what an ugly title.
She was a stay at home mom, and homeschooled our children. My life is upside down and I am reeling at times to keep it together enough just to work through the day at my job. My mind keeps trying to find a way to fix this thing, yet every morning I wake up and shes still dead.
I also have had to fight sheer panic from overtaking me at times. Many from my church have reached out and been very supportive, but engaging in the activities often triggers my insecurity and grief. Lately I have been isolating myself, as it seems that the world has moved on around me. I feel like a wet blanket on everyone, and it is difficult to go out in public. All I see are women with rings on thier fingers, and old gray haired couples holding hands. Feels like a knife in my chest.
For some reason last night I needed to hear Robert's voice. On my phone I have a video of his 40th birthday, almost 6 years ago! I played the video, loved to see all his little mannerisms, his way of speaking, his laugh. Then I watched the video of us dancing up a storm. And then it hit like a 1000 lbs hammer. Never am I going to dance with him again, hold him, smell him, hear him say I love you,...
I just lost my fiance on Saturday. I am heart broken and am scared to go back to work and deal with the real world. He was young and I was the one who found him. I still sleep in our bed I feel so much closer to him that way. I just want some where I can vent right now. I have plenty of family support from both sides, but it just hurts so much.
My husband died 2 weeks ago after a terrible battle with brain cancer. I am absolutely devastated. I cry all day and am all alone. I miss him so very much. He was my best friend and my world.
For those of you who don't know me, I am Sylvia and I am a widow of 14 months. My beloved husband of 31 years died after a long and horrible battle with cancer. I have been grieving for over two years because it was over two years ago that we learned he was terminal and that we would not grow old together.Three week ago I started seeing someone. He makes me laugh and I have to admit: life...