Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
We have had several discussions lately about not wanting to spend the rest of our lives alone, and how and when to look for a new partner. I am just wondering about the other side of the question - is there anybody out there who does NOT want to remarry, and why not? I expect that anyone who is young would naturally think in terms of remarriage, but what about those of us in the 50-60 and beyond age group?
I have been thinking about the women in my own circle of family and friends, and there are many who did not remarry, and who led full, seemingly happy lives after losing their husbands. The reasons they gave varied from bad marriages, to believing that nobody could ever be as great as their late husbands, to enjoying the freedom to do what they wanted without the restrictions of having to work around a partner.
I feel nobody would ever live up to my wonderful Stan. In my day-to-day life I am beginning to look at the comparison of being alone v. being lonely, and wondering if the FEAR associated being alone is sometimes worse than the actual experience! I can envision myself as spending the rest of my life alone and being reasonably happy. Am I "alone" here, or are there any others going this route? Comments?
I have been thinking about the women in my own circle of family and friends, and there are many who did not remarry, and who led full, seemingly happy lives after losing their husbands. The reasons they gave varied from bad marriages, to believing that nobody could ever be as great as their late husbands, to enjoying the freedom to do what they wanted without the restrictions of having to work around a partner.
I feel nobody would ever live up to my wonderful Stan. In my day-to-day life I am beginning to look at the comparison of being alone v. being lonely, and wondering if the FEAR associated being alone is sometimes worse than the actual experience! I can envision myself as spending the rest of my life alone and being reasonably happy. Am I "alone" here, or are there any others going this route? Comments?
Now, I don't think I want to spend whatever time, how ever long that may be, alone. But going into a relationship now has a whole new set of issues at this age than when I was younger. Trust being the important one for me. Could I trust someone to have my well being in their hands? I know of women that remarried later in life and have had it pretty rough with the new husbands, finances being one of their problems. His money and her money, his property, her property. Also, there are the pasts to deal with, other children, exes, so forth. From those that I have observed, men usually walk away from their own children and family when they remarry, attaching themselves to the next wifes family and I would not want to be part of that either.
It terrifies me just thinking about it all. My dad died when I was 6, my husband's dad died when he was 11. So we both grew up in households with single moms that remarried at some time, my mom was single 20 years, his - 3 years. It's not easy either way.
I mentioned in another thread that I have dated a few times and found that I was not ready to continue a committed relationship. The gentlemen were very clear in their goals: remarriage (they were both widowers). I did not want to waste their time when I was obviously not ready for anything of that magnitude. Maybe time will bring me to another way of looking at it, and I will become more comfortable with future relationships. It would be wonderful to share my life with someone that has the same values and goals for family, etc., but it petrifies at this point.
If God has someone with whom I would share my future, I definitely would not want to slam the door. I pray that He would gingerly guide me through the my self-made obstacles.
Thank you for the many interesting discussion topics that you propose.
I will always love him it is a personal choice But not for me that is .
Good luck
Carolyn
For now I will continue to just be me.
If I do meet someone else, it will not be because I am looking for a replacement. I think I will always love & be in love with my husband because he is such a big part of who I still am today.
One thing is for sure, he would have to be something special...I don't want no fixer upper, if that is all there is ...I will be better off alone.
I'm still grieving, and I can't imagine being with someone else right now. I still miss the way Mike felt, and smelled, and everything about him. Especially today, his physical absence is so sharp. Don't know why.