Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
I’m so glad this group exists, I just found you today..
i was involved with a psychopath for two years then the last year I have been letting him back into my life once every month or every two months so in total three years, I have been no contact for two months now except for the last time I saw him at a red light, I was proud of myself because he tried to talk to me and I just took off when the light changed and didn’t even say one word to him so I’m sure that brused his ego for the moment, he is very violent and has been in prison.
He abused me in every way possible, even tried to drive me crazy which at times I feel he has succeeded, I have read so much on the topic, what gets me so much is that I still love him and miss him, conflicting emotions haunt me every single day, I never contact him he always does to me and I always let him in even if just to use me, I am repulsed as well as attracted, I know that’s normal in these cases because of trauma bonds, in our relationship he always turned everything around on me (projecting/gaslighting) yet I still feel so guilty, I know I shouldn’t but it’s like a deep never ending darkness that never goes away, the worst thing is he will just show up at my house so I’m still always in that fight mode because I put on a front when I see him that I am strong without him yet inside I’m dying and I think I can handle seeing him but every time it just makes it worse, he always tells me how good he is doing now making a lot of money he has his own business, has someone new ( a sugar momma, who he most likely cheated on me with) yet sleeps with me, I feel as though I am addicted to him yet it literally makes me sick, I try and tell myself that I’m better than that which I believe I deserve to be treated better yet the thoughts of him are more powerful, I see a therapist once a week and now started going to a support group for domestic violence but it’s not the same as a true psychopath because they fuck with your mind just for the fun of it, he always loved to torture me and turn it around and blame me I did something to get him mad and he does it back to me 100 fold, some things I read gives me hope they all say no contact and self love and time, yet some I read it’s like 20 years and they still think about them...
i know I have to dig in and pull the strength that lies somewhere in me, but I have to admit he absolutely destroyed and broke me, one of the worst things I can’t get past is how such a horrible person can have life so good now he’s just moving on happy and I’m sitting here in devastation, plus no one understands people actually make it worse...
one thimg I do know is that no matter how much money he makes and good his life seems he will never change because that is who deep down inside he is, so no matter who he is with will go threw the same thing I did, all the ones before me did it will never stop.
Thank u for reading my story I’m so glad I have a place to share my story cos sometimes I feel as if I can’t go on anymore with all this pain but honestly I think he would get off on thinking I did it because of him and I can’t let him win that one.
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I need some plot development ideas for a book I'm writing. Here's the lead in:------@1630 she texted me, asking for gas money. "Are u at work? I have to work in a couple hours I don't have any gas barely I was wondering if u had 20$ by chance haven't been able to get any massages in I'm sorry to ask was just seeing"She agreed to meet me at the townhouse @1730. I asked her to call me before...
I down myself as well because I can’t get over this even with therapy I just have to have hope and over come this it’s my only choice before I go completely insane
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this .. I've been where you are now .. we all do the yo-yo thing (by the way) don't be so hard on yourself! It took me a lot of back and forward before I finally escaped forever!The fact that you keep cutting him off means that you still have some fight left in you, What you are experiencing is definitely not love (I promise you!) .. the correct term is cognitive dissonance (pathological self denial), until you really 'see' the evil that you have invited into your life, it will be very difficult to move beyond this point!
Sociopaths cultivate codependency in others, it makes their targets easier to manipulate and abuse. They erode away self esteem with their crazy bullshit, and your intuition will be screaming 'runaway!' but if we have invested in a relationship, it's very hard to throw it away on a whim, we will attempt to fix it first. The sociopath knows this and he uses it against us.
You wouldn't be here if you did not know (deep down) that you have been mistreated, and you deserve better!
How long did it take you to completely get away? I do get so mad at myself for not being able to just move on, the sad part about it is that I know he is pure evil, yet a part of me still loves him, I have invested all my heart and soul to him yet I know it will never work, I question myself all the time as to why would I keep tormenting myself, I hope with time and self love I can build my self respect and self confidence up and be the person I was before I met him
He turned everything around and I have a lot of guilt that resides in me, yet I am obsessed, thank you again for your words it gives me some hope
As cliche as it sounds, it does get easier, it's a painful journey and you will have to face many demons but you will emerge a stronger person. For me it was like bits of the real person floated to the surface over a period of months after I cut him off completely, I reached a point where all of his lies and deceptions were obvious, I questioned how I could have let someone pull the wool over my eyes for so long. My focus switched from him to me, this was a real turning point. I came to the conclusion that 'it happens to the best of us' .. I had no real answers as to what had happened to me and why ... it became less important as time went on.
Looking back on the whole episode, I cringe at the thought of the things that I allowed him to get away with. I would never entertain even being in the same room as him now, and I would NEVER get back into that situation with him again, that door is firmly closed.
I could be saying the exact same thing you have described,... I’m still so sad all the time and obsess with thoughts of him, when I should be happy he’s gone! I am trying every time I think of him to say to myself I deserve better, and just push the thought of him out of my mind sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t, this is my second cry today it’s better than it has been lately, I’m really proud of myself for leaving him at the light yet the same time I feel guilt, because I know that blew his mind and I think a little part of me knows that might have ended it although I know it’s the best for myself to survive it’s the most unbelievable thing, this guy treated me so horrible and I know I can never go back, why do I have these other emotions of missing someone who could treat me so horrible, I guess it’s because of the trauma bond he put in the mix all the time anything good happened there would be bad to accompany it... I have to forgive myself and make myself move on but it’s the hardest thing I ever had to do, as I look back at all his lies and betrayal I didn’t want to see it when I was with him I knew it in my gut yet I wouldn’t let myself see what was right in front of me, it’s really sad...
It’s been like 2 and a half months except for when I saw him at the light I thought I would be better by now but it was real trauma that I don’t know if I will ever get completely over, I wish so bad I could meet someone else yet I don’t think I could at the moment, so I sit by myself and am so depressed while he moves on to a happy life, if I didn’t know better I would think maybe it was my fault but I know all his ex’s he has been abusive with yet it kills me how he can just move on and come around to fuck my head up it’s so sick and twisted, I know he has no empathy or compassion for me, , so I just prey I can find the strength to get over this, thanks again for the reply it does help me look towards a better future
Don't beat yourself up over the fact that you have let this person treat you badly and you still miss him. Your self esteem will have been eroded away over time, with the lies and the all round bullshit, they create a kind of fog, and you can't think clearly, and no longer trust your own judgement. Such is the nature of the beast.
I found this site seven years ago when I was in pretty much the same place you are now! And one phrase sticks in my mind moreso than any other 'The truth will set you free' .. once the fog starts to clear, you start to see these people for what they really are, you stop rationalising and making excuses for their behaviour, and you realise that they are crazy .. the things they do are crazy .. when this happens, they healing process speeds up rapidly!
You will get over it .. I absolutely promise you that!
Feeling a bond with someone who abuses and mistreats you is in exactly the same vein as Stockholm Syndrome. These people put us in survival mode full time, and when they disappear, we do not know how to switch it off! I couldn't sleep myself, sometimes for days, I internalised it all, tried to figure out what had just actually happened to me. I found the answers myself .. by reading about the disordered, and talking to folk on here who were going through the same trauma.
The way out of the fog is to face up to what he really is, and take steps to minimise the amount of contact that you have with him. If you can cut him off completely then I would definitely recommend that! It's the hardest, yet the quickest route through the fog, This path has been likened to withdrawing from a drug addiction - it is no easy feat!
If you could maybe go off and do some travelling, remove yourself from the memories for a while, think about it all from a safe distance, I think this might help to give you some perspective.
It's time to focus on yourself, you've wasted enough of your precious time thinking about him, Martha Stout in her book 'The Sociopath Next Door' gives a whole bunch of advice on dealing with a psychopath, and she states that the absolute (and only) way that you can avenge this injustice is by living well and being happy. She makes it sound easy I know - but she is absolutely right.
My ex psycho still tries to add me on facebook as some fake name and photo - it doesn't happen often but it's definitely him. He had his latest beau also trying to add me claiming she worked with me years ago! I got suspicious and checked her out and she turned out to be his latest girlfriend. Four years after I walked away, he still can't let it go because he didn't end things on his terms, the guy has screws loose seriously! But now my reaction to his type is the correct one, I just think he is a slimy toad - I have no desire to ever see him again. I had a lucky escape.. and so have you!
1 Accept that some people have no conscience; that there are evil people in this world who do not act out of concern or love for another.
2 Listen to your instincts — labels (professional roles) do not make a good person. Look carefully at someone who “carries” a professional label, judging whether that individual’s behavior fits what is expected of that professional role.
3 Practice the rule of threes — One lie or broken promise may be a misunderstanding, two lies may involve a serious mistake, three lies — the individual is not trustworthy. Stay away from that individual.
4 Question authority.
5 Suspect flattery — when someone flatters you excessively, telling you how much they appreciate you or like it when you visit or how much they enjoy your conversations.
6 Redefine your concept of respect — respect must be earned. Don’t automatically give respect to an individual because of her professional role or her relationship to you.
7 Refuse to join the game — do not try to outsmart the sociopath. Do not reduce yourself to his level.
8 Once you identify a sociopath, avoid him, refuse any kind of interaction. It is the only way to protect yourself.
9 Question your tendency to pity too easily. Anyone who actively campaigns for your pity or consistently hurts others is likely a sociopath. Pity should be reserved for those who truly deserve it. Make sure the individual who seeks your help really needs it.
10 Do not try to redeem the unredeemable. If you are dealing with someone without a conscience, you cannot change them, no matter how educated or loving you are. Sociopaths have no reason to change; they like who they are.
11 Never agree to help a sociopath conceal her true character. You don’t owe the sociopath anything. Don’t believe that you are like her, no matter what she says. You are nothing like her.
12 Defend your psyche. Humanity is not a failure. Being kind and loving and caring is the best way to live. It is the way most people live their lives.
13 Living well is the best revenge.
I know I am such a good, compassionate, caring person I hope to have that win instead of this horrible state I’m in now, he is not worth my thoughts even, my biggest fear is him coming by here when I’m weak but I’m hoping I made him think I was done because of the light situation that was the strongest thing I ever did with him and the amazing feeling I felt was incredible I hope to feel that again when I make it from this!
Your a really strong person and I have the most respect for you!
The way to repair your self respect is to start erecting boundaries, and not allow others to walk over them.
The way to repair your self esteem is to stop blaming yourself, and realise that you have been misled. There was nothing you could have done to avoid this situation once you signed up with him .. the end result would always bring you back to where you are now!
Compassionate, kind and caring people are the psychopaths favourite target because they can spin you a sob story and you emphasize with them. We are programmed by society to believe that no matter how bad a person is, there's always some good deep down. This has been found in my personal experience to be utter bullshit!
Keep strong Distarr, the end result is really worth the struggle. In times of weakness, don't even answer the door, avoid him like the plague, don't waste your energy on circular arguments, the best reaction is no reaction.