Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
I’m so glad this group exists, I just found you today..
i was involved with a psychopath for two years then the last year I have been letting him back into my life once every month or every two months so in total three years, I have been no contact for two months now except for the last time I saw him at a red light, I was proud of myself because he tried to talk to me and I just took off when the light changed and didn’t even say one word to him so I’m sure that brused his ego for the moment, he is very violent and has been in prison.
He abused me in every way possible, even tried to drive me crazy which at times I feel he has succeeded, I have read so much on the topic, what gets me so much is that I still love him and miss him, conflicting emotions haunt me every single day, I never contact him he always does to me and I always let him in even if just to use me, I am repulsed as well as attracted, I know that’s normal in these cases because of trauma bonds, in our relationship he always turned everything around on me (projecting/gaslighting) yet I still feel so guilty, I know I shouldn’t but it’s like a deep never ending darkness that never goes away, the worst thing is he will just show up at my house so I’m still always in that fight mode because I put on a front when I see him that I am strong without him yet inside I’m dying and I think I can handle seeing him but every time it just makes it worse, he always tells me how good he is doing now making a lot of money he has his own business, has someone new ( a sugar momma, who he most likely cheated on me with) yet sleeps with me, I feel as though I am addicted to him yet it literally makes me sick, I try and tell myself that I’m better than that which I believe I deserve to be treated better yet the thoughts of him are more powerful, I see a therapist once a week and now started going to a support group for domestic violence but it’s not the same as a true psychopath because they fuck with your mind just for the fun of it, he always loved to torture me and turn it around and blame me I did something to get him mad and he does it back to me 100 fold, some things I read gives me hope they all say no contact and self love and time, yet some I read it’s like 20 years and they still think about them...
i know I have to dig in and pull the strength that lies somewhere in me, but I have to admit he absolutely destroyed and broke me, one of the worst things I can’t get past is how such a horrible person can have life so good now he’s just moving on happy and I’m sitting here in devastation, plus no one understands people actually make it worse...
one thimg I do know is that no matter how much money he makes and good his life seems he will never change because that is who deep down inside he is, so no matter who he is with will go threw the same thing I did, all the ones before me did it will never stop.
Thank u for reading my story I’m so glad I have a place to share my story cos sometimes I feel as if I can’t go on anymore with all this pain but honestly I think he would get off on thinking I did it because of him and I can’t let him win that one.
What you have is a big gaping hole in your life, a trillion unanswered questions and a complete loss of knowing who you really are. You must find things to fill your time, otherwise the desire to unblock him will get stronger. (ask yourself what you expect to find if you do unblock him ... ? His perfect life with some other poor unsuspecting soul, do you honestly believe that the demon you saw was behaviour he exclusively set aside just for you? .. it is who he really is). This is how they work in a nutshell ... they will push your boundaries one by one to see how you react .. to see how much you will condone .. if they started off by hitting you in the early stages of the relationship, you're more likely to run a mile, it's an insidious process, the more they chip away at your self esteem, the more bad behaviour you allow. None of it is acceptable when you see it for what it really is, and the correct reaction to that sort of behaviour is to shut down on it. Imagine if one of your neighbours treated you in the same manner .. would that be okay? It absolutely would not .. and it's no different for him .. he doesn't get exclusive rights to hit you when he feels you need slapping back into line.
I spent six months hiding away from the world .. much like you are doing now. The people around me didn't truly understand what I was going through. I tried to piece it all together .. much like you are now .. and I tortured myself ... questioned my own integrity .. I was a hopeless mess .. but deep down he had crossed a line with me by putting my life in danger .. there was no way back from that for me. He had misjudged my boundaries, and walking away from his house that night after that experience, I knew I was never going back. I felt a sense of relief .. there was no way I was putting up with anymore of his nonsense.
And it is possible,... do you think I’m fooling myself? If I bruise his ego he might I think he’s freaking out because this is the first time I have stayed no contact even when I saw his email I would have responded normally, this time I didn’t so he knows he’s losing control. And u know I feel empowered keeping no contact and now I’m in a weird way happy because he tried to contact me again so to me that means things aren’t to good, for him so yes that gives me a little satisfaction is that wrong of me? so this is the second time I blew him off I’m sure he knows I got the email, I don’t think he has ever once emailed me that’s what freaked me out, that was the only way he had to contact me.. I expected him to be coming here but he hasn’t so I’m so glad about that, see it’s crazy how life works if I would have heard from him lastnight it most likely would have been bad for me .... now today at least right this minute I feel strong I don’t even feel any need to get back to him so hopefully that means I’m healing even just a little...
There are some things that you can do to help yourself. Bear in mind that he knows your routine, you need to change it .. go a different route to work, leave at a different time ... stay away from places he frequents (bars, gyms etc) ... inform your place of work that he is being a nuisance .. if he knows where you work, he might turn up there .. it happened to me on more than one occasion .. but because they knew his history, they just had security remove him from site. It still looked bad on me though and contributed to me losing my job.
You are right about the control thing, that's exactly what makes them tick, and for this slight to his damaged ego, he intends to make you suffer, for daring to stand up to him, but first he has to get you back onside. I'm guessing he's tried to phone you and got no response, and then has gone to the trouble of emailing you. If that doesn't bring the desired results then he will more than likely turn up uninvited. What he's looking for is a reaction .. any kind of reaction .... I'd block his email address because he will go from nice to nasty to nice .. just like the texts .. trying to draw you into circular arguments that you can't win .. and drain your energy .. wear you down! It's okay to feel smug that he's free falling .. the best reaction is no reaction remember. He wants to know that you are falling apart in his absence, he wants to hear about the misery he has caused you ... by ignoring and avoiding him you take that away from him ... from his point of view .. you are getting on with your life because you haven't responded ... you change the dynamics.
You mentioned that you were seeing a domestic violence counsellor, can't you get the number for a local shelter or woman's refuge, should you need to disappear for a few days. You need to protect yourself from this person, I understand that you feel calling the police on him would only antagonise the situation, but you cannot confront this alone.