Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
I’m so glad this group exists, I just found you today..
i was involved with a psychopath for two years then the last year I have been letting him back into my life once every month or every two months so in total three years, I have been no contact for two months now except for the last time I saw him at a red light, I was proud of myself because he tried to talk to me and I just took off when the light changed and didn’t even say one word to him so I’m sure that brused his ego for the moment, he is very violent and has been in prison.
He abused me in every way possible, even tried to drive me crazy which at times I feel he has succeeded, I have read so much on the topic, what gets me so much is that I still love him and miss him, conflicting emotions haunt me every single day, I never contact him he always does to me and I always let him in even if just to use me, I am repulsed as well as attracted, I know that’s normal in these cases because of trauma bonds, in our relationship he always turned everything around on me (projecting/gaslighting) yet I still feel so guilty, I know I shouldn’t but it’s like a deep never ending darkness that never goes away, the worst thing is he will just show up at my house so I’m still always in that fight mode because I put on a front when I see him that I am strong without him yet inside I’m dying and I think I can handle seeing him but every time it just makes it worse, he always tells me how good he is doing now making a lot of money he has his own business, has someone new ( a sugar momma, who he most likely cheated on me with) yet sleeps with me, I feel as though I am addicted to him yet it literally makes me sick, I try and tell myself that I’m better than that which I believe I deserve to be treated better yet the thoughts of him are more powerful, I see a therapist once a week and now started going to a support group for domestic violence but it’s not the same as a true psychopath because they fuck with your mind just for the fun of it, he always loved to torture me and turn it around and blame me I did something to get him mad and he does it back to me 100 fold, some things I read gives me hope they all say no contact and self love and time, yet some I read it’s like 20 years and they still think about them...
i know I have to dig in and pull the strength that lies somewhere in me, but I have to admit he absolutely destroyed and broke me, one of the worst things I can’t get past is how such a horrible person can have life so good now he’s just moving on happy and I’m sitting here in devastation, plus no one understands people actually make it worse...
one thimg I do know is that no matter how much money he makes and good his life seems he will never change because that is who deep down inside he is, so no matter who he is with will go threw the same thing I did, all the ones before me did it will never stop.
Thank u for reading my story I’m so glad I have a place to share my story cos sometimes I feel as if I can’t go on anymore with all this pain but honestly I think he would get off on thinking I did it because of him and I can’t let him win that one.
Fuck him Distarr .. you are not his punching bag .. his doormat who he can pick up and drop at whim. You have every right to be afraid of him, I really think you need to disappear for a few days where you can get your head straight and feel safe. And block his emails .. don't get dragged back into the 'poor me .. i'm such a twat ... I've messed everything up again' My ex psycho used to say ' I want you to help me to change' .. the correct response to that is 'your issues are not my problem!' You've been down that road already I'm sure ... he is a grown up and responsible for the shit he creates .. hold him accountable for every nasty thing he's done to you .. none of that is normal!
The longer you stay away from him, the stronger you will become. Don't read his bullshit emails .. ask yourself what you expect to find? .. A changed man, a poor tortured soul, .. the truth is .. the guy is a vampire .. if he appeared at your front door with red eyes and white fangs would you let him in? (I'm being metaphorical by the way) .. but because he wears a human face, you think that deep down he must have some good in him .. you remember the good times and you have convinced yourself that he is the way he is because he has issues .. he does have issues yes .. big fucking massive ones, and you nor anyone else can fix him!
He will eventually give up .. these people need adulation and attention, sex and money, without it they feel they are nothing .. in time he will look elsewhere for it but you will not be off the hook for a while yet! His brain can't process rejection, he has to be the one to finish things or he has to admit he lost control, the coming weeks are going to be difficult, and you are going to need support .. if he tries to kick your door down, you ring the police immediately ... if you have to escape to a shelter for a few days then do it! It's not forever .. all this will pass ... I know you're frightened ... I wish I could help you further ... get a friend to sit with you or ask your brother to stay over. Remember he doesn't fully understand the evil .. but you could use the excuse that you fancy the company.
This fabulous life that he has mapped out for himself can't be going too well can it? Suddenly, he's breaking a neck to get back in touch with you - perhaps she's wised up and thrown him out (this other woman).. they misjudge their targets occasionally, or are not granted enough time to wear them down .. or maybe he's just bored of her and she hasn't really grasped (yet) what she is truly dealing with. Don't be jealous of her .. pity her .. because she is heading to the same place as you are now! .. Maybe she won't be strong enough to escape from him ... however, you can't help her, she has to see it for herself .. be concerned only with removing yourself from his sphere.
Think about the ring itself, and the evil power it tries to wield over all those who possess it. There's a scene at the beginning of the film where Gandalf asks Bilbo for the ring, and the normally good natured Bilbo becomes agitated and angry, forcing Gandalf to demand that he hands it over. Gandalf can see that the power of the ring is poisoning Bilbo's mind, and therefore it is removed from his possession and given to Frodo to look after instead.
Each time that you get the urge to weaken, put on the ring, and surrender to the dark lord, envision me as Gandalf .. growing a menacing 20 feet tall and shouting 'give it to me!' ;-)
If you haven't seen Lord Of The Rings then you might just be thinking WTF?!? :-)
Don't live in fear of him knocking your door .. at the moment he has no idea what you have been upto for the last three months .. this is the best (head) place for him to be (in terms of your safety), because he could call round and you might have company (he doesn't want that! .. he needs to get you by yourself). When he can't predict your movements, it makes you harder to pin down. Like I said before, you need to change your routine, stagger the route you go to work, alert people all around you (work, neighbours etc) that he's being a nuisance. And if he does show up (who knows how desperate he might get), don't open the door! You are in charge of your own life, at some point you must take responsibility for the choices you make. People treat you like you allow them to treat you, instead of spending your hours thinking about why he is what he is, also look at yourself and why you have tolerated this behaviour. I'm guessing you have not had very good role models through your life .. somewhere along the line you have no been taught about the importance of self respect. Without it, you cannot win this battle ... but each time you defend your honour (so to speak), you will feel a little of it return. You're not worthless or anything of the things he has made you feel, you are a caring human being, if you weren't, you wouldn't be where you are now. These people take our kindness and our empathy, and they use it against us ... but he's not laughing now is he? .. now that he can't get you to make contact ... when he can't get you to respond, he will turn nasty, then back to nice again, then back to nasty then nice .. it's all about the reaction ... he may even try to go through other people . he may feign concern just to find out what is going on in your life. It gives him a foot hold. Your power comes from avoiding him, and maintaining the elusiveness, staying in the shadows.
I know you feel lonely ... I wish I could help with that ... you must fill your time with things that you (used to) enjoy, and know that it will pass. Keep talking to people about the disorder, and learning how these people operate. And be brave enough to look within and confront your insecurities.