Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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I grew up going to these people's house, They had a daughter and a son....The son had mental issues. Their son didn't have a brother....I think the family made me pretend I was his little brother.
I think he know's He doesen't have a little brother, He just can't except it.......usually theires a limit to what a mental person understands, But, He know's what a big brother's role is....He teased and shamed me, when I used to go over ther. To him, it was funny. I didn't think so.
I think it's nice for what his parent's did for him....makeing me, and maybe other's that went over there, think that he had a little brother, But, It is misleading, to put a person in a uncomfortable positon like that.
Curtain situation's make me feel VERY uncomfortable, Like growing up.....I use to to go over to friend's of the family house....I was close with their daughter, and they had a son, Who had mental issues, He didn't have a brother, I think He thought I was his little brother,, someone he could tease and tell what do, and how to do it......And if their was stuff I understood and he didn't, I tryed to assert myself And explain it to him, He would get upset.....Thinking I'm older then You, I should know more then You..
That kind of stuff made me feel Very uncomfortable.....if Uber and or Lyft existed......I would have left, That's how uncomfortable it made me.
Blood may be thicher then water, but, I did feel very uncomfortable around him.
I couldn't tell the parent's, because.....their these ultra self-ritious hollier-then-though people, Who believe "what would Jesus think if I did that" that You don't talk about other people hehind their back's.
If You even tryed You would here something like "You know we don't do that in this house"
I know You should probably Put Your discomfort aside for the mentally disabaled, But, being disabled myself, I am very sensitive about stuff like this.
I hate feeling this way, I can't even sleep without thinking about it all these year's later....
I don't know what do.
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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So voc rehab finally got in touch with me...it took like six months finally. The voc rehab person that they assigned to me is a lawyer and extremely knowledgable on disability law and he seems to know a great deal about how to get people placed in jobs and how to make their resumes pass ATS. I was really surprised at how articulate and energetic he is. I guess my question is how much I...
And when he got angry at me, Like I said, I thought he was going to kill me, He actually get in my face, and try to tell me off, It was like him sayin......".YOU CAN DO IT,, I CAN DO IT 10X BETTER"
So, Yah, it was a huge Boundry issu.
I don't mind a little friendly competision, and it's not possessions I'm worried about, It's contradicting his father when his father tells him, no He Pout's and wines, And that's he get's what he want's., And Leo said, there's a limit to what a downsyndrome person can comprehend, But' does understand Manipulation Like other people.
Alot of boundries, being crossed.
Part of me says, Do this video for my friend....Just to see how her brother reacts.
Part of me says, I might be adding insult to injury, And I know how he's gonna react, And i
just don't wanna irritate him, So maybe I shouldn't.
I did try to tell my mother about this......She said that was 35 yr's ago....Don't worry about it But, I have looked PTSD up......It's avoiding situation's that remind You of the past.
And the flashbacks are terrible, I can see him in my mind lunging at me asserting his authority cause he always had to be right about something.......His father use say to me (his name is Keith) Keith says this about this, Keith says that about that. That's when I kinda knew he thought we where brother's.
And the worst part is, I can't even tell his sister, or the parent's, people I've known for 40 yr's.............Very Very religious......and they take it very serious......So, if I said something, To them I would be guilty of blasphemy, And they'd probably pray for my soul..
And I feel bad, cause his father did get me a job, so, the family did put me in a very tough position.
I've been thinking about this situation more, And keep on thinking the family didn't care who they hurt, as long as their son was happy, and that his father just got me that job To make me forget about it.
So, I think they Put their problem on me.......I have problem's of my own...And have always been willing to talk about them.
The father did get me a job.....But, I do keep thinking (I hope it was out of kindness) that he got me that job out of guilt, Him telling me he's sorry for putting me through all that, Or thinking I would forget about this thing.......Well, for like 20-some year's I did, until his daughter asked me to post...........WELL I'M NOT GOING TO , She did post on facebook, to keep Your discomfort to Yourself, Which I have (they used to live in West Chester, Not to far from where I am now,
we used to live in the same Neighborhood, for the first 4 years we met,, So I went over to their house for like 13 Years, And had to put up with that discomfort........So, I gave them 13 Years,
So, I think it's only fair for them to give me 13 minutes, to explain my disposition.
I wish I knew The answer, to make all these problem's go away.
If i see a counselor about, I don't know how it's going to go away.
I couldn't really enjoy Christmas dinner last night, just thinking about this.......I do have a lot oof support, So, thank You
I've been playing guitar for about 30yrs, I can't even enjoy that, without thinking the worst.....And been playing VERY little lately..........I even started taking lesson's again (used to take em local at a studio) But now take them online......Just to keep myself motivated and distracted from this situation,
I see this situation In my mind, And start shake and tremble and I get nervous, I always try to finish playing and try to back to it, But, get doing other thing's and lose focus.
I notice myself (This is embarrassing ) Talking to myself about this whole situation, Even when I go to the shore, I am riding into town, on my bike, I talk to myself about this (people must think I'm LOONEY.
Feel's like I can't even enjoy life anymore without thinking about this.
Feel's like this family wanted their son to have someone to like the same thing's he did, same music, same Believes they/he does.....etc.
That has to hurt not having that, But, atleast he has a sister
I also think, that if and when we ever see the family again, for their son, the hurt of not having a little brother is always going to be there. My friend did post on facebook, That he was gifted a new Chromosome, But, no matter what they do that pain is always going to be there, I know That has got to be frustrating for him and the family, him not being able to express himself the way he want's, not being able to make conversation with people and To have learning issues, I know that's frustrating, have them myself, so I can relate on that. But, my issues are Mild, thank God.......I know it could have been a hell of alot worse.
I am seeing a therapist about this issue, From betterhelp.com
I do find it odd that; my friend and I have been friends on Facebook for probably 10 yrs now, she just two years ago asked me to post myself playing guitar (not going to) And we haven't spoken since,
Find that a little odd, I would think she would ask me where the music was