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I grew up going to these people's house, They had a daughter and a son....The son had mental issues. Their son didn't have a brother....I think the family made me pretend I was his little brother.
I think he know's He doesen't have a little brother, He just can't except it.......usually theires a limit to what a mental person understands, But, He know's what a big brother's role is....He teased and shamed me, when I used to go over ther. To him, it was funny. I didn't think so.
I think it's nice for what his parent's did for him....makeing me, and maybe other's that went over there, think that he had a little brother, But, It is misleading, to put a person in a uncomfortable positon like that.
Curtain situation's make me feel VERY uncomfortable, Like growing up.....I use to to go over to friend's of the family house....I was close with their daughter, and they had a son, Who had mental issues, He didn't have a brother, I think He thought I was his little brother,, someone he could tease and tell what do, and how to do it......And if their was stuff I understood and he didn't, I tryed to assert myself And explain it to him, He would get upset.....Thinking I'm older then You, I should know more then You..
That kind of stuff made me feel Very uncomfortable.....if Uber and or Lyft existed......I would have left, That's how uncomfortable it made me.
Blood may be thicher then water, but, I did feel very uncomfortable around him.
I couldn't tell the parent's, because.....their these ultra self-ritious hollier-then-though people, Who believe "what would Jesus think if I did that" that You don't talk about other people hehind their back's.
If You even tryed You would here something like "You know we don't do that in this house"
I know You should probably Put Your discomfort aside for the mentally disabaled, But, being disabled myself, I am very sensitive about stuff like this.
I hate feeling this way, I can't even sleep without thinking about it all these year's later....
I don't know what do.
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I don't really know how to label this but I having a rough week and I can't say it's one thing.... I have a lot on my plate which is nothing new and I try to cope in many positive ways and do but I still have my moments.My kids more so my daughters talk to me about everything which I know it's cause of comfort and we are close.... however I really struggle with the venting about their dad which...
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
Sorry this is bothering you....
Thank you for sharing,its good to give our worries and concerns a voice. .... Hopefully you will feel better and can get some sleep now !
Hugs and prayers, jobbie
I'm not quite sure how this experience might translate to your current situation, but I'm hoping to offer some empathy. I thoroughly agree that people with special needs require special handling, but that special handling DOES NOT include allowing yourself to be hurt in the process. Ya can't save a drowning victim by drowning with them.
Gentle empathy and steadying support while you find your way through, Guitar Man. May I pause to appreciate the collateral beauty of a young man who cares enough to seek the compassionate ways through a tough situation?
I am sorry for what's brought you here but glad that you've found us... This is a good place to come.... Big hug....xo
I'm sorry to hear about Your son arfie, yes, that is similar. To be honest, He has downsyndrome (which is a mental issue.......and it is mental retardation)
I have tried to explain this situation to the Downsyndrome board here on Dailystrength,
because, I guess I came off as childish to one person
So, I took it down
And one person said. It was normal behavior, And you have to hummer them,
But, I am tired of even thinking about this, Like I said, He think's Just because he's older, he should know more then me, I don't pretend to know more then other subject's I know nothing about, I guess I use to think that......But, I think Watching him all those year's rubbed off on me......That's not a good thing to pass from one generation to another.
arfie, Thanks for the compliment.
I do care, And am concerned about it.
lately I have been concerned, he might try to hurt me.
Ya know, I was at the Gym today, and was on a piece of equipment, I saw him im my mind, thinking he was my personal trainer, and i wasn't doing exactly what he wanted, and he got in my face...........the thought was so intense, I had to get off the machine, and got on the tread mill, In my mind I was telling the family everything about this situation, the family was mad me He was, and my mother, we were all arguing......So, I just left the gym.
Sorry for the rant
Is there anybody in your life you can talk about this? I'm not at all sure my son and his cousin could have found their happy ending without the active intervention on my part. If there is no one, I wonder if it would be worth the effort of looking for a live Down Syndrome support group. I peeked in on the DS forum and it is not very active. It doesn't look like anybody is receiving much support there. You might find a whole different reception in a live group.
It's a tough subject for the families who have to live with these special needs. My friends were so stressed out from the challenge that my son's troubles only doubled their heartache. They cared deeply, but all humans have their limits. I believe a free and easy dialog on the subject was quite beyond their human limits.
But, I have looked up PTSD.....it's defined as: Avoiding a certain situation,, that remind You of past event's, And having flashback'/Nightmares about it, And it seems to disrupt sleep and associated with Anxiety.
Yah, The Downsyndrome group is not really active anymore.......I will look for another one..........I'd really like to deal with this.
Because, this situation could go on for (We haven't seen eahother for a while) But, if we keep seeing eachother, this control......Him thinking we are actually sibling's could go on for another 10,15 20 more year's
For What It's Worth
"Life cousin" was the full name my son liked for this girl. "Cousin" for short. There was no blood between them but "cousin" described the relationship to a "T." Brother sounds like a fairly accurate description of your relationship with this guy. It's not unusual for brothers, blood or life, to have problems between them. I have 10 blood siblings and can only speak comfortably with one of them.
He lives in a group home, And during the pandemic, He came home to live with the parent's, and someone always had be home with him........So I don't know how he think's he could take care of someone ( if his parents knew I was writing about this situation, they'd never forgive me, They've never wanted to talk about it, like this problem doesn't exist....Gotta face Your demon's sometime in life) But, it's always been a sore subject for them discuss. And my own mother is in on this thing, Anything he want's, is given to him, Just to spite me this guy has her eating out of the palm of his hand......And just want's me play along.....like I said everytime we see eachother, this situation could go on for another.......,5,10, 15 maybe 20 more year's.
I read The first reply to my post, You said it was complicated to talk to the parent's of your son's "Cousin" The parent's of this down syndrome guy You can't, I guess they think You tattle-tailing, All his father said to, when I would try to bring it up, "You Know we don't do that in this house"
I was gonna say say do what? I wanted to, Thinking back on it.
Did Your son's "Cousin" ever try to be dominant over him?
This guy was with me, I mean usually brother's are dominant over the little brother, But, not to the point they get really confrontational, like this down syndrome guy did with me.
And I can not tell my mother, she would never believe me, She think's he's the under-dog, I don't how that is, cause this guy is physically Bigger and stronger then me.
he refers to her as (this is very childish and he's 10 Years older then me) he refers to her as "mommy"
thats his form of control against me,, him using her against me to give him whatever of mine he want's,
Which takes away any sense of control I have, which is none,
So, In my mother's and his parent's Eyes he can do no wrong, it's like the prodigal son come back to life.
I did find an article about down syndrome.: They have impulses they can't control And psychological issues, temper tantrums And Autistic behavior,.
Every time I even think about making this video for my friend, Something stop's me,
I don't know why, But, I think (I know This is Irrational) First off, this gonna be a guitar video my friend asked me to post, which I have been playing since 1991 (Took it an elective in school) then started taking lesson's in 1994) I have these vision's of her kid's convincing themselves that I just started playing,
And keep thinking the psychological issues from their uncle (the one with Down syndrome)
Might have rubber off on them.
I am aware, that I have psychological problem's
But, do Not make other's suffer because of it, And it's unfair for the family to make me and possibly other's to suffer psychologically at the hand's of their son