The thing is that she read my book and still was able to edit her awareness. I do think you're right, there's some jealousy there that's turned passive aggressive and is self serving. What a shame to know someone as a friend that long and find them unable to empathize.

One of my friends is a licensed psychologist/therapist---working with the Veterans Administration.

When learning of my dx, she said that she never expected me to be so "weak".

We haven't been friends since that conversation. I just can't brin gmyself to wrap *my* head around the fact she knew me all these years (since 1988), knew my history, and just... blew me off.

If I can't explain it to someone who works with PTSD in veterans, I don't know how to do it at all.

I mean, it's bad enough some professional blows you off, as happened to me with the first one I tried to see after I was raped (she said I was lying b/c I didn't remember the details).... But when it's someone you know, trust, and who is *trained* to work with PTSD?

I got no words. Just tears.

im sorry leo that had to hurt wow hug min

Leo, I think she should not work with vets with that attitude, holding that she is *strong* because her clients are weak...

Muji, I'm in agreement about the comments made here about your acquaintance. You were fighting her resistance to stay locked in her past :/ not sure why acknowledging someone's pain is difficult. Maybe like Leo's friend, it holds the other as seperate and as invulnerable to pain, some hidden (or not so hidden) assumptions because, frankly, most people do not have want to acknowledge their vulnerability to events that could happen randomly (as life is in my opinion) to anyone....

I add to my explanations that trauma can create neurological effects in the brain and therefore body and often bypasses cognitive responses, and that the effect is complex and varying and only partially understood.

Muji, I'm sorry your friend could not acknowledge or stand as a witness to what is important to you :(

Wow, Leo. A friend who is a therapist with the VA? Who would be more well-equipped to be your support than that? And then to label you "weak?"

That's disappointing!

I've got what might be a pretty crappy answer to this one, so ... forgive me, in advance.

I have consciously chosen NOT to explain it to anybody who's close to me. I've dodged the question a couple of times.

If they care ... if they REALLY care ... they can find out a WHOLE lot of solid, accurate information in about ten minutes, on the Internet.

We all know that.

If they did even that tiny bit of independent inquiry, then I'd know they were serious and genuine. If they asked me some questions based ON their little bit of self-directed digging, I'd be truly touched, and would be only too happy to tell them how it affects me.

When somebody in my family, or in my circle, is sick, I look into their diagnosis. I want to understand what's wrong with them, and -- if possible -- to help.

I'd rather be close to people who go -- NOT the extra mile -- but the first couple feet -- for those they care about, too.

Good luck, Muji. Sincerely.

You know, you have a point, David. I took it upon myself to explain PTSD to my partner the years we were together. My partner was a good researcher. It would have been better for both of us if I hadn't been 'splainin' all the time. Same thing with this friend, who is a university researcher by profession.

Hm. Less 'splainin'. Sounds good to me.

Nice reference, muji!

Besides, when Lucy tries to justify her behavior, nobody "gets" her, anyway.

I wonder what would've happened if you had said, "you know, I'd be happy to send you some links in an email if you really want to learn about it." That would put it back on her.

Hmmm... I may try that next time someone choses to not believe MY 'splainin.'

I like that---no explaining.

I may print up at-home business cards that just list a few websites and hand those out with a smile.

My mom's brother went to the Pete Walker website when I commented that it would explain things better than I could. So maybe that's the way to go.... Folks, I smell a coping strategy!

I'm with DavidNRockies..... I've been saying this to my son. I have people coming at me left and right trying to tell me how to live. My mom sending me books but does anyone take a moment to get on the internet (which they live on) and learn anything about what's truly going on with me? No. It amazes me daily. So sad!

It IS really frustrating. The movie American Sniper brings up PTSD, the trial of the man who killed him is all over the internet and airwaves, and yet people are entertained but don't try to get educated on the issue.

Wow. Willful ignorance. Wow, again.

It can be frustrating when people who are close to us don't get it. Or worse, when they use it to hurt you.

It's wonderful when they'll take the time to educate themselves, but I don't count on it. And I don't seem them as cold or uncaring if they don't. If someone is living with me, it's important to me that they have a marginal understanding of it, but when you think about all the people in your life - no one has time to research every condition.

I have friends with diabetes, fibro, chronic fatigue, macular degeneration, osteoporosis, neuropathy, heart disease, asthma, COPD, chronic migraines, IBS. Plus, they're dealing with special needs children, aging parents, drug addicted family members, divorce, debt.

I listen when they share with me but I can't fully educate myself on all of these issues - even if I spent all day every day researching. And I certainly don't understand their struggles from the inside.

If it directly impacts me, I try to give them a brief "Please don't blast your music in the car because it freaks me out" or whatever - and if they ask, I can tell them, "PTSD."

I expect them to respect my requests when they can - just as I would do for them - but I don't expect them to be interested in learning all about my struggles. They very likely have their own that are just as bad or worse.

That's just where I come from with this whole thing.

Also, it's nice that there's movies with PTSD to educate some... But then, I find it even MORE of a stereo type that it's for vets... People don't understand how "regular" people can get it from "normal" life.

Oh well...

My own, strictly personal, larger fact is that I don't understand it very well, myself. Unrecognized symptoms are continually popping up from the depths of my psyche while yesteryear's symptoms are floating off into the great unknown. If you cannot join me in letting the mystery evolve at the speed of life, then please keep your doubt seeds out of my garden. I have a nice media collection you can browse at your personal will. In recorded form, the facts never change; growth never happens...

Reed, I liked it when you wrote:

"I listen when they share with me but I can't fully educate myself on all of these issues - even if I spent all day every day researching. And I certainly don't understand their struggles from the inside."

It's good for me to remember that and balance out the equation, knowing I'm in "their" shoes when the shoe is on the other foot. I don't educate myself about every illness I hear a friend disclose, either. None of us could.

I guess it goes to when our illnesses overlap with social interaction, doesn't it? Some illnesses are serious, but private, and their symptoms don't expose themselves in socializing with others. Then there's PTSD, which does with things such as the example you mentioned of asking that blasting music in a car be turned down.

Good food for thought. Thanks for taking the time to develop the theme as to both sides there.