In my workbooks for PTSD they say AVOIDANCE doesn't work and in my case I would have to avoid so much in life. I'm confused and would like to know which way helps healing; confronting the triggers(unless they actually are dangerous one) or avoiding them?

Wow. I am pretty angry with the VA counselor who told you that you were weak. I believe this should be reported so this counselor can't work/harm any more vets. I'm so sorry she did this to you. I have worked with the VA in Minnesota for my PTSD (but through my husband who is a Viet Nam vet). They have helped me so much but because I am not a vet they could only see me for so many sessions & in the context of marriage counseling for my husband. I also talked to other vets (male & female) who have really been helped by the program the VA has for PTSD.

In terms of overcoming it, I came up with an exercise I use for myself. Maybe it will help someone else here. My short answer is that exposure therapy can be useful in small and very careful doses (someone who fears spiders looks at a photo of a spider for 5 seconds a day until they're no longer feeling anxiety. Then they look at a spider in a glass box for 5 seconds a day until they no longer feel anxious and so on. Flooding, I feel is extremely risky. In flooding, they'd (TW HERE) expose you to tons of really big spiders all at once and assume when you stop screaming, you're cured. Frankly, I find that treatment cruel and idiotic.

Anyway, here's the exercise:

I draw concentric circles - big enough to write in. So the middle one is like 2" in diameter. The next one (around the first one) is 4". The one around that is 6" and so on. I draw about four circles but you can do as many as you like.

In the very center circle, I write down activities that are totally comfortable for me - no triggers or nearly no triggers. That may be the couch for some people. For others it may be home and still others may be comfy anywhere in their town. On my worst days, I want to stay in my comfort zone.

The next circle includes places I'm almost totally comfy almost all of the time. So that may be a neighbor's house, a spiritual center, school, work. Again - different for everyone. I can hang out in these places even when I don't feel great.

And, by the way, your circles can include people, time of day, weather conditions or anything else you want to include. For example, something that may be perfectly within my comfort zone on a nice, sunny day may be out of my comfort zone if it's dark or rainy. Or I may be comfy going to the fifth circle as long as my friend Jenn is with me but I may be uncomfortable in my inner most circle if Shawn is here. Hope that makes sense.

The next circle includes places, people and things I usually feel comfy with most of the time. I can go to these places and hang out with these folks as long as I'm having a pretty good day.

Next, places that are 50/50. Sometimes I'm okay. Sometimes I feel pretty anxious about it. I'd go to this area on days where I feel pretty great and I have a safe person with me.

Next, places that usually make me anxious but I really enjoy going so it's worth the risk. I'd only go to this area when I'm feeling fantastic and I want to challenge myself.

Finally, outside of the circles I list things I'd never do even if someone paid me a million dollars. This is valuable because when someone asks me to do something, I'll often think "that sounds super fun!" but in reality, the closer it gets the more anxious I feel.

It changes over time, but I put this chart on my bulletin board and when I wake up, I get my list of things done and then go to my chart to see what I want to do. Do I want to pop in a movie? Hit the grocery? Go shopping, to a movie, a museum, have coffee or lunch with a friend?

This is a good way to challenge yourself healthfully and still feel in control.

Thanks for sharing Reed

Wow, what a great exercise. I'm living in the aftermath of a positive case of exposure therapy. It took me 14 years in therapy to get there, but I went back to the geographical spot overseas where I was in a car that was bombed. That's where my PTSD began.

After that I've been back repeatedly, including this year. It's as if that spot is ground zero in a set of concentric circles like you describe. It's where my life began again. My PTSD is not all gone, but I've faced my original fear. Like dealing with some original sin or something. It made a difference for me.

Thanks for sharing your technique. I took a long time to get there. Maybe with what you shared, Reed, it won't have to be so long for others. And it can be done, as you say, in a healthy way in which you feel some control. Great share.