My first PTSD issue was my dad's tragic death. I was able to finally find peace, somewhat, by trekking back into the mountains (and in my physical condition, only God knows how I did it) where the old coal mine was that he died in from the accident. I was able to hold my own private memorial service, melt down, and find peace. That flashback lasted 2.5 hours and I was missing without anyone knowing where I was. Thank God I didn't die in the process but did do some damage physically due to the seizure I had and other encounters.

This last PTSD episode is, hopefully, going to have peace for me on the other side as soon as I do the burning ceremony near a creek so ashes of the perp can be washed away....far far away from me. Knowing he's dead isn't enough. I still freak and panic attack hits if I see someone resembling him in form, stature, etc.

Wow...this has brought about great conversation.

I have just experienced this repressed anger today. I thought it was me being bad and all that, but after reading this post and realizing the thoughts and feelings I had during the episode, i realize it was anger of the past. I agree that we repress out anger in forms are problems our bodies have...example, I have fibromyagia.... I hurt all over, but I was taught to be submissive and take everything that anyone dish out to me.....so I took a lot of pain. I repressed it all and felt it was what I had to do. Now It comes out....all the pain and the small child voice inside me asks, "why does everyone keep hurting me? Why do they WANT to cause me pain? Why dont they want to love me and care about me?" The trigger was 2 part....I was looking at my sons facebook page at pictures of my family and saw the way they lived and looked and was sad that they didnt change much but for the worse..or it seems. Then I went to do my workout and it was really hard today and my body hurt really bad and all I was doing was a basic arm workout, but it seemed like a marathon. During the workout, my mind felt angry. I was angry....very angry. I was hurt and mad and couldnt comprehend why they would want to hurt me. All these feelings came out about the past. I was surprised, and I made myself face the pain and get through my workout.

I know that i repressed a lot of memories of pain and sorrow when I was a kid because I didnt know how to handle them. I believe they come out because I know I can handle them now. And I can.....much better then before.

I also believe that we can control out anger.....not that we can make the feeling go away, but we can control how we handle it. I dont believe that we should ever repress our anger...but we should also never cause anyone pain or resort to violence in any form based off our feelings of anger. When I was hurting, I felt very mad......but I had to control where the anger went. I didnt want to yell at my kids because they didnt have anything to do with the anger, but I still had to face the feelings that I felt. So I did it inside my head my confirming that it hurt.....I was anger that they hurt me. And it seemed to help me move on from the pain because instead of ignoring it, I was acknowledging that I was hurt....accepting that this happened, then allowing myself to move on from it...no longer being in bondage to the experience.

Great discussion.

Depending on the situation, I find that I am able to calm my animal instincts. I believe we all have animal instincts, most people just choose to hide theirs.

Dear LIVING RIGHT NOW - Yep, you're right. There is a school of thought that Fibro is brought on by trauma (usually neck/upper back) as it was for me. But I think also, subconsciously, our brain seizes the opportunity of the physical pain to let the flood gates open to the emotional pain because NOW we are not fully functioning and able to hide from it.

That's my take on it. I know, as I've learned to let go, I do better. When I get mad and hold on to it, I get worse.

Dear JENNIFER 441980 - Yes, we all do have animal instincts, as it were. That's what brings on the fight/flight symptoms of panic. However, when we have nothing that is really frightening or to fight, the emotions are not rational and therefore, we can't act on something (the danger), and we freak out a bit.

I've calmed myself by saying Bible verse over and over reminding myself I'm ok. I also use a side step such as going somewhere else to do something else after I have forced myself to do what causes me panic. So far so good.