I do not see any connection in between abusive relationships that ended 6 years ago and the way you feel now.
This is your choice to show your emotions or not. I do not see any problem for anyone to be an open person with right people.
You are emotionally unavailable may be because you do date wrong people who does not interest you and do not suits you. So, stop dating them.
Many people worry that while dating the opposite side might loose the interest. They are normal worries.
If you do not have close friendship, no wonder you feel lonely.
In sum, with right people and right attitude you will be the person you used to be.

You are not crazy
or over-reacting.


""""""""""Is this a typical long-term effect, a normal reaction?""""""""""

Answering that question both
personally and professionally,
yes.

Just as physical abuse
can leave physical scars,
emotional abuse can
leave emotional scars.


""""""""""""If so, how do I overcome it?""""""""""""

Something that has helped
many of us is finding and
working with a qualified
counselor or therapist.

Left untreated, emotional
injuries may seem like
they're fading but they
seldom heal without
specific attention
and treatment.

A second thing to do
is to practice
SELF-CARE
every hour
of every day.

A third thing to
do is to begin
seeing old friends,
making new ones
and becoming more
socially active. Joining
groups that are involved
in activities that fire you
up, is a good way to
be with people and
begin making new friends.

Healing can and does
happen but it doesn't
necessarily happen
automatically.

Sending you hugs
and wishes for
re-connection with
the self you recognize
and feel at home with.

I can't help you know what to do, but you're not the only one. I left almost five years ago and I could have written your post. When people ask if he hurt me, I refuse to answer. I shut off. I also deflect with humor a lot. Lately he's been harassing me via text and opening old emotional wounds and I want to turn to someone but I'm scared they won't understand.

To answer your questions, yes what you describe is something many/most of those of us who have experienced abuse deal with. Yes, it is a typical long-term effect. Yes, it is a normal reaction. Overcoming it takes work/effort and usually the right therapist. Sadly, many of us feel like we've lost ourselves and aren't the person we used to be. Feeling closed off is also a common reaction.

Please know that this is not about the will power to make a decision to change how you feel or react. This is also NOTHING like recovering from the breakup of a non-abusive relationship. Recovering from abuse is much more complicated and takes longer that we can imagine. We had to do whatever was necessary to survive the abuse. For that (surviving) we can be grateful. Most of the time, what we did to survive served us well but isn't the healthiest way to continue living. That's where therapy with the RIGHT therapist comes it.

PLEASE listen to h.e.a.l.!!! She is right on the money. Unhealed trauma from abuse STAYS with us forever and certainly affects our future relationships with ourselves and others.

In addition, based on my personal and professional experience, just doing talk therapy will not do all that much to help heal. Talk therapy alone often keeps the wounds open.

Here are some links to info I've posted before that will help you find a good trauma release therapist, understand trauma bonding and practice self-care. The first link also contains some suggestions as to types of therapy that others have found more helpful that just talk therapy.

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/physical-emotional-abuse/discussion/questions-to-ask-a-potential-therapist

trauma bonding

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/physical-emotional-abuse/discussion/trauma-bond_10

suggestions for self-care

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/physical-emotional-abuse/discussion/what-we-focus-on-expands-practicing-self-care

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/physical-emotional-abuse/discussion/focusing-on-self-love-amp-self-care

~healing hugs~

This has also been my experience. I'm out 9 years and have not been able to form any new close relationships. I don't want to feel vulnerable in any way because my ex-husband exploited my feelings and vulnerability for years. It has changed the way I view the world. I've had a lot of talk therapy and it hasn't helped really at all with this issue. I just wanted to say you are not alone.

I do find alanon helps me a lot with getting vulnerable
And taking my walls down. With me it was my own old
Codependency issues. I now have very strong boundaries
With all bullies, abusers and overall bad guys.

Not saying i am cured i am still in recovery and continue
With alanon, therapy and i went many times to divorce care,
Great program by the way. My Next step is some EMDR I
hope to do for trauma work. I Have a lot of narcissism and
abuse to work thru.

I tend to still isolate while i heal and grow and move thru my
Grief after my divorce. I love people too just finding and starting
new and different Relationships is daunting. I moved out of town
And went no contact with him. I had lived there for 30 years so i
am finding it Hard to be on my own and make a whole new life,
one Thing i try not to do is beat myself up, HUGS

I understand what you are going through. I was in a very toxic relationship that left me broken and at an all time low in my life. You can come back. On line support groups are a great start. It says you are ready to make changes! I agree with the suggestion for getting some counseling. Also find books to help you work with dealing with emotions. Your first step was recognizing there is problem, next is to start taking action. Sending hugs and strength your way! Kate

You're not crazy. I went through 2 very emotional and physical relationships and I too after all these years still feel the same way as you do. I have a hard time letting men in and getting close. I run away before it gets serious. So no my dear you are not alone.