Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Abusers suck the life out of us physically, mentally, emotionally & spiritually.
As long as we focus on them, we aren't focusing on ourselves.
Whatever our circumstances, it's REALLY important to practice self-love and self-care.
That's really hard because we are brainwashed into believing we are unlovable & that we don't deserve to be loved, respected or cared for.
How do we get past that?
We can...we really can, but it will take consistent daily repeated effort. IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT YOU DO NOT (DON'T) TELL YOUR ABUSER WHAT YOU ARE DOING!!!
Here are a few suggestions (feel free to add ones that have worked for you).
Meditation &/or prayer - connecting w/our creator or higher power (i.e. something greater than ourselves), helps calm us mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Guided imagery - you can listen to many different types of guided imagery for free on youtube. Guided imagery gives us powerful positive suggestions & affirmations that will help rewrite the brainwashing we've been living with. You can create a mental image or sense of a calm and relaxing place (like the beach or the mountains, etc) where you can take a 'mini vacay' whenever you need to.
Deep breathing - even taking four slow deep breaths can change your frame of mind & bring calmness. Breathe in slowly to the count of four and out to the count of four, over time increasing the time it takes to breathe out to the count of eight.
Spending time in nature - focusing on the beauty around you truly helps take your mind off your problems for even just a few minutes.
Mental exercise - do word or number puzzles, memory games (there are free ones on line), take online classes, etc., reading for fun & reading for education, researching ways to practice self care
Physical exercise - helps the 'feel good' endorphins hang around & can help ward off depression
Eat well/healthy
Sleep - try to get as restful sleep as you can - it helps to listen to guided imagery &/or calming music as you're falling asleep.
Affirmations - Stating positive things about yourself as if they already exist can be very helpful - especially if done looking at yourself -eye to eye - in the mirror. Examples of positive affirmations are I am loved, I am love, I am good, I am smart, I trust myself above all others, etc. It doesn't matter if you don't believe them - say them anyway - ever day 10 - 20 -30 - 100 times a day! Also a really good way to use the affirmations is when the abuser is tearing you down. Just look at him/her as if you're paying attention and repeat the affirmation silently to yourself, over and over. Your brain cannot handle two opposing thoughts at the same time!
Setting intentions - I'm finding that when I set an intention, like 'there is a place to part right in front of the store,' that it happens almost every time. I got so good at it, that I rarely consciously set that intention any more but I still get good parking places. My therapist said once you get good at setting intentions, you need to be careful....because when you say 'sh*t', you better duck, lol. It works, but you gotta work it.
Gratitude - strange as it sounds, finding things EVERY DAY for which to be grateful helps shift our negative thoughts into positive ones w/o even realizing it. It doesn't haven't to be big....just being thankful for seeing a butterfly or that someone opened the door for you or that you found a parking place close to the store....anything...is a great start. Start w/three a day if you can. You can even repeat them. If you forget, just go on & do it the next day. It's good to keep a written list so when you're feeling down, you can remind yourself that there are things that you are grateful for.
My wish for each and every one of you is that you love & care for yourselves and truly know that you will find peace and joy within each of your beautiful souls.
As long as we focus on them, we aren't focusing on ourselves.
Whatever our circumstances, it's REALLY important to practice self-love and self-care.
That's really hard because we are brainwashed into believing we are unlovable & that we don't deserve to be loved, respected or cared for.
How do we get past that?
We can...we really can, but it will take consistent daily repeated effort. IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT YOU DO NOT (DON'T) TELL YOUR ABUSER WHAT YOU ARE DOING!!!
Here are a few suggestions (feel free to add ones that have worked for you).
Meditation &/or prayer - connecting w/our creator or higher power (i.e. something greater than ourselves), helps calm us mentally, emotionally and spiritually.
Guided imagery - you can listen to many different types of guided imagery for free on youtube. Guided imagery gives us powerful positive suggestions & affirmations that will help rewrite the brainwashing we've been living with. You can create a mental image or sense of a calm and relaxing place (like the beach or the mountains, etc) where you can take a 'mini vacay' whenever you need to.
Deep breathing - even taking four slow deep breaths can change your frame of mind & bring calmness. Breathe in slowly to the count of four and out to the count of four, over time increasing the time it takes to breathe out to the count of eight.
Spending time in nature - focusing on the beauty around you truly helps take your mind off your problems for even just a few minutes.
Mental exercise - do word or number puzzles, memory games (there are free ones on line), take online classes, etc., reading for fun & reading for education, researching ways to practice self care
Physical exercise - helps the 'feel good' endorphins hang around & can help ward off depression
Eat well/healthy
Sleep - try to get as restful sleep as you can - it helps to listen to guided imagery &/or calming music as you're falling asleep.
Affirmations - Stating positive things about yourself as if they already exist can be very helpful - especially if done looking at yourself -eye to eye - in the mirror. Examples of positive affirmations are I am loved, I am love, I am good, I am smart, I trust myself above all others, etc. It doesn't matter if you don't believe them - say them anyway - ever day 10 - 20 -30 - 100 times a day! Also a really good way to use the affirmations is when the abuser is tearing you down. Just look at him/her as if you're paying attention and repeat the affirmation silently to yourself, over and over. Your brain cannot handle two opposing thoughts at the same time!
Setting intentions - I'm finding that when I set an intention, like 'there is a place to part right in front of the store,' that it happens almost every time. I got so good at it, that I rarely consciously set that intention any more but I still get good parking places. My therapist said once you get good at setting intentions, you need to be careful....because when you say 'sh*t', you better duck, lol. It works, but you gotta work it.
Gratitude - strange as it sounds, finding things EVERY DAY for which to be grateful helps shift our negative thoughts into positive ones w/o even realizing it. It doesn't haven't to be big....just being thankful for seeing a butterfly or that someone opened the door for you or that you found a parking place close to the store....anything...is a great start. Start w/three a day if you can. You can even repeat them. If you forget, just go on & do it the next day. It's good to keep a written list so when you're feeling down, you can remind yourself that there are things that you are grateful for.
My wish for each and every one of you is that you love & care for yourselves and truly know that you will find peace and joy within each of your beautiful souls.
I can also suggest making a vision board. It's helped me tons.
Thanks for sharing!!!! =)
This is terrific, It will help so many, this is exactly what everyone needs to read and SAVE for future references.
Thank you!!!
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))
Art is the language emotions are communicated with. You don't have to be skilled, or even in a good mood. Just find some way - a song, a picture, words, food, dance - to express what you feel at the moment.
I told my dad 'No one wants to see what'd I'd paint these days - I'd run out of black really fast.'
He responded 'It seems to me that the greatest artists didn't try to paint things people would want to look at - they poured their emotion out. That's what people responded to.'
But do remember to be safe with it when you haven't escaped yet.
Yellow, here's a website that explains how to make one. Basically you create a poster w/pictures, affirmations, etc. the reflect how you want your life to be.
http://christinekane.com/how-to-make-a-vision-board/
braxton, another great suggestion! I write poetry and also do photography. And you reminded me about another great self care too - the journal. Journaling is a great way to express what you're afraid to say out loud. I free write a lot. Free writing is writing whatever comes into your head whether it makes sense or not. You don't pay attention to spelling, grammar or punctuation. It's amazing what will escape thru your pen, pencil or keyboard.
www.healthjourneys.com
On the right side you'll see the download for a free 15 minute guided imagery. All you have to do is sign up for the newsletter and then you can unsubscribe if you don't want to receive it.
I'm not affiliated w/this site at all other than I am a happy customer. I've bought several of her guided imagery downloads including the PTSD, panic attacks & general wellness.
Panicking being in a healthy relationship."