Multiple Sclerosis (MS) Support Group
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HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10
An elderly couple in
their 80's were about to get married.
She said: I want to keep my house
He said: That's fine with me.
She said: I want to keep my Cadillac.
He said: That's fine with me.
She said: I want to have sex 6 times a week.
He said: Put me down for Fridays
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director
how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor.
"A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No" said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug.
Do you want a bed near the window?"
You got to love this guy...
This is a true story about a recent
wedding that took place at Clemson University .
It was in the local newspaper and even
Jay Leno mentioned it.
It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.
After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage
with a microphone to talk to the crowd.
He said he wanted to thank
everyone for coming, many from
long distances, to support them
at their wedding.
He especiall y wanted to tha nk the bride's and his family
and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.
As a token of his deep appreciation
he said he wanted to give everyone
a special gift just from him.
So taped to the bottom of
everyone's chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.
He said this was his gift to
everyone, and asked them to
open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy
of his bride having sex with the best man.
The groom had gotten suspicious
of them weeks earlier and had
hired a private detective to tail
them.
After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions
for a couple of minutes, he
turned to the best man and
said, 'F---you!' Then he turned
to his bride and said, 'F--- you!'
Then he turned to the
dumbfounded crowd and said,
'I'm outta here.'
He had the marriage annulled
first thing in the morning.
While most people would have canceled the wedding
immediately after finding out
about the affair, this
guy goes through with the
charade, as if nothing were wrong.
His revenge--making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a
300-guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the
bride's and best man's reputations
in front of 300 friends and family members.
This guy has balls the size of church bells.
Do you think we might get a MasterCard 'priceless'
commercial out of this?
Elegant wedding reception
for 300 family members and
friends: $32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion: $3,000
Deluxe two-week
honeymoon accommodations in Maui : $8,500.
The look on everyone's face
when they see the 8x10 glossy
of the bride humping the best man: Priceless.
There are some things money
can't buy, for everything else
there's MASTERCARD
A Mastercard Wedding
'Life isn't like a bowl
of cherries or peaches,
it's more like a jar of Jalapenos--
what you do today,
might burn your butt tomorrow......'
their relationships and decide to amaze their men. That night all three decide to meet their
men at the door, wearing a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes.
After a few days they meet again.....
The engaged girlfriend: "The other night, when my boyfriend came back home,
he found me with the leather bodice, stilettos and mask. When he saw me
he said: "You are the woman of my dreams, I love you"...and we made love all
night long.
The mistress: "Ah! Me too! The other night I met my lover in the office wearing the
leather bodice, stilettos, mask over my eyes and a
raincoat. When I opened the raincoat... He didn't say a thing.....but we
had wild sex all night.
The married one: "The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mother's for
the night, then got myself ready: leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over
my eyes. My husband comes back from work, opens the door and says:
"Hi Batman, what's for dinner?"
After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride,
Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say
hello to his friends.
Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?"
Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train
ride down."
"Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.
"Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My
beautiful Virginia, she pack a biga basket a food. She brough ta da
vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were lookina forward to da
trip, and open upa da luncha basket.
The conductore come aby, waga his finger at us anda say, 'no
eat indisa car. Musta use a dining car.' So, me and my beautiful
Virginia,
we go to da dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta ta open da bottle
of a nice a vino!
Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka in disa
car! Musta use a cluba car.' So, we go to cluba car. While a drinkina da
vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar.
The conductore, he waga is finger again and say, 'No a smokina disa
car. Musta go to a smokina car.'"We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my
biga cigar.
Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to
bed. We just about to go boombada boombada and the conductore, he walka
through da hallway shouting at a top
of his a voice...
'Nofolka Virginia ! Nofolka Virginia !'
"Nexta time, I'ma just gonna taka da bus
This is really a good idea!
This is a joke that is supposed to bring you luck.
An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.
After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.
The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit.
She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$165,000'. The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money. The elderly woman replied that she made bets.
The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets?'
The elderly woman replied, 'Well, I bet you $25,000 that your testicles are square.'
The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.
The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?'
'Certainly', replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.'
'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.' 'No problem', said the president of the Bank confidently.
That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet.
The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.
The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.
The president was happy to oblige.
The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them. 'Of course', said the president.
'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.'
The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied,
'Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Bank of
Canada!'
The origin of this Canadian story is unknown but it brings luck to everyone to whom it is sent on!
> >
> >
> >
> >Rule 1 - If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be
> >delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
> >
> >Rule 2 - You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance
at
> >her so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you
cannot
> >keep your eyes or hands off my daughter's body, I will remove them.
> >
> >Rule 3 - I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of
your
> >age to wear their trousers so loo sely that they appear to be
falling off
> >their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of
your
> >friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open
minded
> >about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the
door
> >with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I
will
> >not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in
> >fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I
will
> >take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place
to
> >your waist.
> >
> >Rule 4 - I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex
without
> >utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me
> >elaborate- when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill
you.
> >
> >Rule 5 - It is usually understood that in order for us to get to
know
> >each other we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues
of
> >the day. Please do not do this. The only inform ation I require from
you
> >is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back
at
> >my house, and the only word I need from you on the subject is -
EARLY.
> >
> >Rule 6 - I have no doubt you are a popular fellow with many
> >opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as
it is
> >okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my
little
> >girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished
> >with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
> >
> >Rule 7 - As you stand in my front hallway waiting fro my daughter to
> >appear and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you
> >want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My
daughter
> >is putting on her makeup - a process that can take longer than
painting
> >the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there why don't you
do
> >something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
> >
> >Rule 8 - The following places are not appropr iate for a date with
my
> >daughter. Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer
than a
> >wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is
> >dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the temperature
is
> >warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops,
midriff
> >T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose
down
> >parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or
sexual
> >theme are to be avoided. Movies which feature chain saws are okay.
> >Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
> >
> >Rule 9 - Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding,
> >middle-aged, dimwitted has been. But on issues relating to my
daughter,
> >I am the merciless, all-time fear of your universe.
> >
> >Rule 10 - Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to
> >mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming
in
> >over a rice paddy in Hanoi. When my agent orange s tarts acting up,
the
> >voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for
you
> >to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you
> >should exit
> >the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter
password,
> >announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home
safely
> >and early, then return to your car. There is no need for you to come
> >inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
hehe. em
>> DO NOT SAVE - PASS ON
>>
>> A man takes the day off work and
>> Decides to go out golfing.
>> He is on the second hole when he
>> Notices a frog sitting next to
>> The green.
>> He thinks nothing of it and is
>>
>> about to shoot when he
>>
>> hears, Ribbit 9 Iron."
>>
>> The man looks around and doesn't
>>
>> see anyone. Again, he
>> hears, "Ribbit 9 Iron." He looks
>> at the frog and decides to
>>
>> prove the frog wrong, puts the
>> club away, and grabs a 9 iron.
>>
>> Boom!
>> He hits it 10 inches from the
>>
>> cup. He is shocked. He says
>> to the frog, "Wow that's amazing.
>>
>> You must be a lucky frog, eh?
>>
>> The frog replies, "Ribbit Lucky frog."
>> The man decides to take the frog
>> with him to the next hole.
>>
>> "What do you think frog?" the
>>
>> man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood."
>>
>> The guy takes out a 3 wood and,
>> Boom! Hole in one. The
>>
>> man is befuddled and doesn't know
>>
>> what to say. By the end
>>
>> of the day, the man golfed the
>>
>> best game of golf in his life and
>> asks the frog, "OK where to next?"
>> The frog replies, "Ribbit Las Vegas.
>>
>>
>> " They go to Las Vegas
>> and the guy says, "OK frog, now
>> what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon
>> approaching the roulette table, The man
>>
>> asks, "What do you think I should
>> bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit
>> $3000, black 6."
>>
>> Now, this is a
>> million-to-one shot to win, but
>> after the golf game the man
>>
>> figures what the heck.
>>
>> Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
>>
>> The man takes his winnings and
>> buys the best room in the
>> hotel. He sits the frog down and
>> says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you.
>> You've won me all this money and
>> I am forever grateful."
>>
>> The frog replies,
>>
>> "Ribbit KissMe."
>> He figures why not,
>>
>> since after all the frog did for
>> him, he deserves it. With a
>> kiss, the frog turns into a
>> gorgeous 15-year-old girl. "And that,
>>
>> your honor, is how the girl
>>
>> ended up in my room. So help me God
>>
>>
>> or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton."
>>Switzerland.
>> She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom
>>she asked:
>> "Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?"
>>
>> "Of course my child, What can I do for you?"
>>
>> "Here is the problem, I bought myself a new
>>sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum
>>of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am
>>worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you
>>could hide it under your cassock?"
>>
>> "Of course I could, my child, but you must realize
>>that I cannot lie."
>>
>> "You have such an honest face Father, I am sure they
>>will not ask you any questions", and she gave him the 'hair
>>remover'.
>>
>> The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the
>>priest presented himself to customs he was asked,
>> "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
>>
>> "From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to
>>declare~ my son", he replied.
>>
>> Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked,
>> "And from the sash down, what do you have?"
>>
>> The priest replied, "I have there a marvelous little
>>instrument destined for use by women, but which has never been
>>used."
>>
>> Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said,
>> "Go ahead Father. Next!"
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex This kind of
Sex happens
When you first meet someone and you both have sex
Until you are blue in
The face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is
When you have
Been with your partner for a short time and you are so
Horny you will
Have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is
When you have
Been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has
Gotten routine and
You usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is
When you have
Been with your partner for too long. When you pass
Each other in the
Hallway you both say "screw you."
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex, which
Means you get
Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at
Night.
The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. This is when you
Cannot
Stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and
Screws you in front
Of everyone
And last, but not least, the 7th kind of sex is
Called: Social
Security Sex. You get a little each month.
But not enough to live on
LAST ONE TILL TOMMOROW GNIGHT YALL.....GREAT BIG OLE GRIZZLY BEAR HUGGGZZZ...SQUISHHHHHH LOVE YALL