Loneliness Support Group

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Trying to stay strong w Mr K

MelT2020
MelT2020

Work is keeping me busy and I do an hour walk after work everyday.  I chat with friends and my aunt and have started going to weekend church services. Not sure why my heart loves pain. I know Mr K wasn't the best match. But I've listened to several podcasts about how breakups are physiological as much as mental...something about connection to the neurons.... Anyway, I unblocked his number ...but I haven't reached out... hard staying strong....what the heck.....


I have other friends....but something about K that keeps pushing me back.  While walking at the mall today I almost bought him a shirt that reminds me of him.  I thought of mailing it to him with a love note. BUT, after several minutes of contemplating I put it back on the rack


I don't remember grieving this hard for my husband. Maybe it's because time has soften the loss (almost 6 years)

GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
Hi Mel,
I don't want to pry too much, but does he know that you broke up with him?

Because if not, he will definitely be contacting you, as if everything is fine.

There are some good YouTube videos about "Going No Contact" (search those type of words in YouTube).

Even if you two don't break up, having 30 days apart can help clear your minds and also hopefully he will appreciate you more, too.

Yes, it IS very hard to do. I have been there. You can do 30 days. You are a strong woman and I really wish happiness for you.... whoever it may be with.

Hugs.
MelT2020
MelT2020
Thanks. You always have great advice. I didn’t officially tell him we’re done. I only texted that I’m tired of his hot/cold behavior and then blocked him. I didn’t give him a chance to respond. There’s been no contact since I blocked him a week ago ( I did drive by his place a couple of times to see if there is another….…but I didn’t stop). I know if I reach out I will go back into push/ pull cycle
billwfriend
billwfriend
More stalking Mel?
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Big hug sweetie...I know this is painful

You have so much to offer any partner

If you believe that you're seeking relationships that cause you paun would you consider some therapy for your self esteem?

I think the 30 day idea is good as well
It may put you into a different headspace

If you choose to see this man again please put you and your wellbeing first

I think if you treat yourself well it could really be different

If he doesn't contact you sweetie I believe you have your answer

I read some of your accomplishments on another post and I think that you're a pretty amazing lady and a very fortunate guy is out there
MelT2020
MelT2020
Bill. Leave me alone
MelT2020
MelT2020
Great advice Sun. I will work on my wellbeing so I can be stronger and come from a better place mentally if he reaches out
GreenEyes727
GreenEyes727
Good morning Mel! It's easy to get weak when you don't have another man in your life. Love shouldn't hurt. You shouldn't have to deal with being treated on a hot/cold basis. i think if you do contact him, it won't take long for you to get sick of his sh*t again. We are here for you!
BlueYonderDreams
BlueYonderDreams
The unfortunate truth is that he is not a match for you at all. You want commitment and he doesn't. That is just plain old incompatibility.

Being with him and fighting for him to commit to you is just self harm since it does nothing but bring you pain and hurt your self esteem. It also completely disrespects his boundaries because he defined his terms at the start.

That said he's also clearly not the type of man who would be a good partner to any woman. A happy, healthy, emotionally secure relationship will never come from him.

I suggest you read the book Attached. You seem like the classic case of an anxious attachment chasing after an avoidant.
BlueYonderDreams
BlueYonderDreams
I am curious if Mr K is the type of person who would see a shirt that reminded him of you and send it to you with a love note for you?
MelT2020
MelT2020
He reminds me a lot of my mom. She said she wanted to be married and was engaged three times but ultimately ended up single for life because she was never 100% committed. Marriage is supposed to be give and take. Guess I'm really sad that Mr K, age 58 never married, says he wants to be married and keeps going up and down with me. Everyone is right, I need to focus on my wellness.....
BlueYonderDreams
BlueYonderDreams
Yeah I am pretty sure he is the type of person who will never marry. He seems fearful of commitment. He definitely has an avoidant attachment style.
BlueYonderDreams
BlueYonderDreams
Yeah I am pretty sure he is the type of person who will never marry. He seems fearful of commitment. He definitely has an avoidant attachment style.
lighttheway
lighttheway
I’m sorry your feeling sadness and mixed feelings about Mr K. I don’t usually give relationship advice because it’s such a complex personal decision who you decide to love it spend time with but I’m sorry your hurting and hope many joy filled days are ahead for you and of course we must take care of ourselves and love ourselves Do something special for yourself when you reach out to Mr K and he’s unavailable. Some extra kindness. And don’t take personally if possible he may have his own struggles that keep him like this. As the saying goes “ rejection is just re- direction “ to put a positive spin on. Maybe a reminder in this to fill our hearts and souls with self- love and that no one else really can
Hugs to you. I wish you many happy days I know the pain of lonliness is so uncomfortable
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
A lot of people that can't commit have an inability to trust

If that's the case it probably started from a very young age
MelT2020
MelT2020
Sun, that makes great sense. My mom and her siblings survived major abuse by her father. She also witnessed her mother being severely battered. She talked to me often over the years about the abuse. One of her biggest sayings “ a guy better never put his hands on her or there will be consequences”
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