Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Still at Day 1 in Ten Weeks

TwoSteps
TwoSteps

It's been 10 weeks since my 9mo affair was exposed by my AP's wife. It was very traumatic for my husband. She called him and left a VM while I was calling and driving home to tell him. My AP is back with his wife, no contact to me nor me to him. My husband is in counseling and I am in counseling. There are A LOT of details, we have been married for 23 years, no kids, no other affair behavior, neither of us know if we want to save the marriage. 


In my husbands counseling of 10 weeks they are only talking about his childhood and that he is not connected to his emotions at all. They don't talk about him and I or the affair, only him. What does this mean? My husband and I have never even talked about the affair yet.


Is this normal?

GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
You two are in separate counseling now, which is good.

How about also being in marriage counseling, the two of you together? I believe that type of counseling will focus on getting the marriage back together.

10 weeks isn't that long. This journey will require time, patience and understanding.
TwoSteps
TwoSteps
Starting that next week. I set it up. A type of counseling called EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy), however, I just don't know if I want to do this anymore. He is very shut down as a person in every way and we have had a very critical, controlled and transactional marriage. It's been exhausting and hurtful. Close friends think I "blew the marriage up" with the affair because I was desperate for change. That's one of the narratives. I think I was completely enamored by the kindness my AP showed me while managing and unkind marriage. That doesn't matter anymore but there is just something weird about his behavior. He just doesn't fight for me and he never has. I thought he might put up a fight when I had an affair but instead he left town for 6 weeks and barely communicated with me.

Going forward without him is scary but going back sounds like prison. I've been told that EFT will heal marriages that have a chance and reveal marriages that don't. I don't necessarily know what that means but the future is not well defined.
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
Hmm that's interesting. Only you know if you want to continue your marriage or not. I know it's scary, but your profile says you are 45? That's still young, really. You have spent half your life with him. Got together very young. Maybe you two grew apart? I have no idea about your relationship... just things you might want to spend some time thinking about.

I hope the EFT therapy brings you the answers you need.
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