Heather, I know you are in pain, but feeling like you need a lie detector test means the trust you had in your H is shattered. We can not make them be honest and not cheat, they have to want it for themselves and their relationships. I described this time to our MC as having fallen into a hole in the ice, and when you come back up, you are stuck under it and can not find your way out. It is terrifying. The only thing that is going to rebuild trust is time and HARD WORK!! He needs IC and again to find out the whys of his multiple A. Even though as the BS we did nothing wrong, we and our children unfortunately pay the biggest price for our CS bad choices. Hang in there, and give yourself time.

Here are some threads that pertain to your question:


http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Infidelity/forum/12571832-lie-detector-test-would

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Infidelity/forum/12707380-update-our-talk

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Infidelity/forum/9587278-lie-detector-test

Has anyone used one?

There was at least one person here before that used one. She found that it did not help. The results came back inconclusive because he was too nervous and ultimately she decided to not pay for another test.

Sociopaths, if you felt he was one, can pass these with flying ease because they do not have the same physiological reactions as a normal guilty person.

In the two years I have been here, I have never seen someone say they used a lie detector and were pleased with the results and now trusted their spouse because of it.

I also feel a LDT will not give you what you are hoping for.
Doubt will remain.

Trust can be rebuilt in time, and possibly surpass the assurance a LDT will provide.

I used a lie detector test and was very pleased with the results. Examiners are like doctors. You need to get a good one. I asked criminal defense attorneys for recommendations. I kept getting the same names. I made an appointment with the best one in my area.
I didn't tell my wife until the morning of the test. I didn't want her to take any meds to alter her mental state. The examiner narrowed my questions down to 4 only, combining "did you have sex...." with "did you give oral to or receive oral from..." into one question "did you engage in sex of any type including giving or receiving oral....".
He told her before the test, what the questions were so there would be no surprises to shock her and affect the results.
He then administered the test and repeated the questions 4 times. He compared each of the 4 tests and gave me the results.
I was in the room for the test. Hearing her say that she didn't have any more partners than she admitted to, was helpful to me. Hearing that she passed the test was helpful as well. It reduced my obsessing to about 20 percent from 100 percent!

It does no good to suggest to someone whether they should or shouldn't get a poly. Some need it to establish a baseline of honesty in order to move fwd. It's impossible to really trust we've gotten the whole truth from our CS's. We either make the decision to put it to the test , or live with the doubts. It's not about whether it's an indicator of future honesty or trust .
Yes, I had H take a polygraph. If he'd refused I'd have ended the marriage . BUT I gave him some time to go to counseling & realize he had to divulge everything, not just enough to paint the picture . After a few months of working on things I felt he was still holding back . I told him it was time. I wrote out all questions I had and told Jim the questions for the poly would come from this list . It was snout 100 questions. I gave him every chance to come clean so he could pass the test .
He answered all questions, I clarified some things, them selected several for the poly. He passed with mo deception detected. By the time we set the poly I felt I had the truth, but I still wanted to go thru with it . We did, and he passed with no deception detected.

I will always have things in my mind that don't add up, or make sense, but the poly enabled me to let go. After so many initial lies and betrayal , that was something I could never have attained otherwise.

Sorry for all the typos... Hate my iPhone!

Well, I think each person should make their own decisions.

True, it's sad, if one has to resort to paying upwards of $500 dollars to get it administered. And true, some meds alter results, like alprozalam, and strong anti-anxiety meds can give a false outcome.

And then, some non-conclusive results due to the examined individual being nervous as hell, lol!

But then there is another recourse. You can write the questions out, and rewrite them, worded differently and ask your spouse yourself. After studying a little bit about lieing behavior, you can pretty much determine his body language, his voice inflections, his facial expressions, etc. and draw your own conclusions for free! lol

But this would be only effective if your spouse is a bad liar, and unfortunately, most of the cheaters are excellent liars. Or at least the part, of "lieing by ommission", hell yeah, they are the best! lol

Another good one is the use of a private eye. Some people have done that, and then on course if it's about computers, getting a keylogger!

It's a shame that the betrayed have to learn to be stealthy, almost as stealthy as the cheater, but I suppose it's a matter of "survival of the fittest", and a coping mechanism to assist us from being driven crazy! lol

My favorite one, now, is where the cell phone has the GPS component! I think that is dang ducky!

As I said in an earlier response to another posting, I'm coming at this thing from a totally different direction. I'm a recovering sex addict, and one of the fellows I know from the Sex/Pornography Addiction site here on Daily Strength has taken a polygraph exam every six months for the last three years or so. He feels it gives his wife the security she needs to continue to work her own recovery program and stay in the marriage, sure that he is no longer "acting out" sexually. Now this was his decision, and I know some of you won't agree with it. But it definitely did work for he and his wife. Of course, this guy is not a psychopath or a sociopath. Rather, he is a profession individual with several graduate degrees. So, I guess it can also make a difference what kind of a person you're talking about having take the test.

If you'll look in your local Yellow Pages phone book under "Polygraph Services", you might be able to find someone in your area who can do the test for you. Otherwise, a local private investigator should be able to refer you to a reputable service provider.

Yep. He failed it. He was asked a series of questions three separate times. Each time, he passed the same ones and failed the same ones. Her verbiage to him was "you didn't fail, you bombed". Look, even if you would get a polygraph done, it wouldn't be to find out whether he is guilty or not. It would however be to find out if he is telling you the truth. Sounds identical, huh? My mind, emotions and heart were so over the place, that I spent money on this buffoon of a man that easily could have been spent on my kids. And for what? When the examiner told him he failed, HE LIED even more, flew off the handle and said that he got excited when the topic came to "sex" therefore, his heart accelerated and it appeared he failed even when he didn't.. Ah, retrospect and memories.. makes me laugh now. AND THEN, loving this man and so wanting to believe him, I found myself even more confused than I was before, and even more willing to deal with his bullshit lies.

I KNEW the truth, at least my heart did. I just wanted him to make sense of all of it and stop lying to me! Because I was not getting that, and could not travel back in time to tender all the could of, would of, should of's, I was stuck in this perpetual hell for a long, long time.

What I learned from my money down the drain on this fool was one.. I should have spent the money on itching cream and ben gay. I could have injected all his condoms with ben gay and put itching cream in his undies. Two, he was already telling me the truth.... the truth about who he was, what he valued, and how much he DIDNT value US as a union. That should have been the slip that ended the deal right then and there, but it wasn't. I held on for more years of his bull and lies, and ultimately he cheated on me again and again and again.

You CAN trust your instincts, you just don't want to believe them. Thats the difference. Save the money and use it to take yourself out.

Well I'm glad to see some say it's a good idea. When I brought it up here all I got was the don't do it's. I mean if we trusted them enough not to take the test, then would we check their phones, get knots in our stomachs when they are not home on time? Would we put key loggers on. We all have shared so much information about how to catch the, doing the right thing and to me a lie detector test is just that. Is a way of feeling like they have been caught doing the right thing.

I still consider it.

My advice, they are not admissible in court for a reason.

I took one once for a job and I was deemed "inconclusive", despite the fact that I told the truth on every question. Even the ones that probably would have eliminated me from the position.

They are unreliable. Not to mention, there are studies that show that people can beat them if they are motivated too. Most of lie detector testing deals with making the subject uncomfortable so that they are less focused on lying. Some people are uncomfortable all the time and it doesn't take that into consideration.

Just like gun laws, polys are only effective on law abiding (moral) people.

BTW, what is CS?