There were a few here who have done the lie detector tests. At that time, it was pointed out that people can pass lie detectors and still be lying...

...they are just pretty damned good at it, that's all.

So, sure, it may open your eyes and let you know exactly where you stand, but then again, it does need to be kept in mind that lie detectors aren't court admissable for a reason - they are fallible.

Sending you support, L~

I think you have to figure out if you really want to know the whole truth. Will it help you get further along in this process than you are now?

And even if he lies, would it have to be a deal breaker? Odds are, he's lying about something - that's just the way this thing goes. The truth has a way of revealing itself even without a lie detector.

I would only have questions that would be possible deal breakers asked . Such as was there anybody else beside the oc mother? did you continure to sleep with her after she told you she was pregnant. he insists that she was an easy booty call and she meant nothing to him and that as soon as she told him she was pregnant, he immediately stopped the affair. i would also ask if he was inlove with her at any point during the affair. did he have plans on leaving me for her. I would ask him these quesitons again before I even approach the lie detector subject. Yes I would have a better sense of being able to find trust again if he could pass these questions. I am not sure which or how many failed questions would be the real deal breakers. i dont know what to do but it is a choice that sits in the back of my mind all of the time.

He needs to prove to you with his actions that he can be trusted. If you are at the point of considering a lie detector test, then his word is meaningless to you anyway.

When I got to this point with my ex, I just kinda stopped talking with him and started talking at him and not giving him chances to reply. Or sometimes I would email or leave notes. I figured if he was going to lie, why give him the chance or waste my time by asking questions? I would just inform him of things and walk away. Need-to-know only communication, I guess you could call it. It was actually quite liberating.

I hope your situation gets better, PinkPony.

Your reply ( #3) wasnt yet posted when I was typing mine. So question for ya... is he at home with you now?

He is not living at home but he would like to be. I seperated before he told me of affair and oc. Then with nothing left to lose and not being able to handle his own lies he finaly told me. he has done so much to prove his intentions now. He has gone to therapy even though we had no insurance, we paid 80 bucks a week for 6 months. I can ask him anything and he seems like he is being honest but after finding out I was living a lie for 10 years it is hard to know if i am getting it all. for the year and 2 months since dd we have been in the marraige but living seperately because of the oc and my inablity to forgive him and move forward. It is all so damn screwed up and unfair. I really want us to move back in togher becuase it is what I truely want and not out of fear of not having him. I dont doubt that he loves me very much and is incredibly sorry for his lies and actions. but what if there is more and he omittied for fear it would be 1 too many things? I dont know. uggg. so confused.

I still say forget the lie detector test. I am guessing there is a part of you that suspects all of those answers might be yes or worst case scenario. So why not focus on forgiving and moving forward. It sounds like he is making the effort and you want him back home. A lie detector test will keep you in the past dwelling on things you can't change anyway.

Good luck