wow! is it really that bad??? all i have ever heard is that they are not reliable... i had someone in my family have a personal instance... and the outcome was deemed unreliable... so what do you do with that?? it seems like it still wouldn't end up to give you the answers you think you need would it??? it gives both false positives as well as false negatives... personally, i wouldn't know if i believed the results or not...

All is I know is my H had to have one for a job interview 30 years ago and he kept passing out cold! He couldn't get past the "Is your name..?" Stress? who knows.. I too have heard they are much too unreliable.

My friend in CA had her husband take one....she had proof of his affair (cell records, emails, etc.) and yet, he passed the test. I googled the test one night and 99% of the info I read said they were unreliable.........doesn't make sense to me!

scary to think that it's admissable in courts.

I certainly understand the need to know the truth.

I have looked into it myself, and I believe they are reliable.
Unfortunately, although they are quite effective, they are not 100% reliable. So, even if they were 99% reliable (which they are not), there would still be some doubt.

Furthermore, it we cannot trust our OWN spouse/mate, how can we live with them down the road.

It's a leap of faith my friend.
We will NEVER know all of the truth.
You need to decide however, if you can trust from this day forward.

The trust is a major part.....I can't get over the trust part either. No matter how hard I try, there are still visions that dance around my brain...where is he, what is he doing, who is he with, us ge were ge says he is? GOD knows that all I want is peace in my head. Why does this happen to good people? I wish you could go into my brain and reset it like you do a computer. I just don't want the memories or the scared feeling any more! Why does love hurt so bad? How could I put so much faith into someone that did not have any thoughts of me when he was messing around? I totally get what you are saying NewVictom...hold on if you love her....I am holding on with my pinky nail.....

The book I just read ("The Sociopath Next Door") says that sociopathic individuals can easily pass a lie detector test. Ironically, my H (former cop) told me he could pass a lie detector test early on in our relationship. Hmmm.. anyways, i just wouldnt put all my faith in one..and sorry you guys are that heated in your counseling sessions - gotta suck! I hated coming to the end of a session still fighting but time was up...

yeah.... the polygraph. If my stbx had agreed to take the test, I would have had much more respect for him. He kept insisting that he had disclosed all that there was, and yet at the same time he was texting another woman on a daily basis. And then he said it was my problem since I didn't trust him.

If he had agreed to take it and prove to me that he wasn't keeping anymore secrets, I would have had a lot more respect for him and it would have been possible to try to trust him again.

I believe certain people can pass lie detecter tests,,also I'm sure some of the people giving the tests are better than others.Pretty much I can tell when she's lying when her lips are moveing

the issue of trust for me now is that I have asked the very detailed questions of how my wife really was when she came clean to our friend. The one who gave the the ultimatum to tell me or not.

The stories between the two do not match up. both contend they are right. But the friend says that my wife has and is continuing to manipulate me. So the lie detector test was suggested by the MC to have starting point for rebuilding the trust.

In the end, tommorrow with be 7 wks past DD and I am more lost, hurt and confused that I have been since I found out. I dont know how much more I can take... The kids are the only reason I am hanging on at this point. well them and the memorys of how good it can be when things are good.

I am just really feeling like if I take her back and forgive, she will do it again. You know, no respect!

guess I am just grasping at straws... I keep wondering what else I did in life that God felt I deserved to be punished like this?

My wife has had quite a few affairs in the 13 yrs. we've been married so I hate to say it probaly will happen again.I stay because of my son and she knows this and I believe uses it.Don't put this on yourself Victom you've done nothing,,the cheater after awile makes us believe its something we've done.

I think it would be a good idea to take your friend out of the equation here. Ultimately this is between you and your wife and your friend continuing to get in the middle of it by telling you she is lying and manipulating you is not going to help matters. I know what you want is the truth. It's what we all want. I personally believe I will never know/believe everything about what happened and either have to live with it or let him go. It's not fair, but none of it is.

There may be other ways for you to get closer to the truth. Sometimes asking questions in a different way or letting certain subjects go for awhile and revisiting them later can reveal discrepancies. The other person also has to know that telling the truth isn't going to be held against them or result in a huge fight, because if that's the case, they will tend to avoid it. I know it all sounds so ridiculous because they did the wrong, they caused the whole mess. Sometimes I get angry about how we have to "handle" these cheaters just so we can get what we rightly deserve.

Natty how true. We are the ones that have to handle them with kid gloves, we have to walk and talk so carefully as to not make them shut down or lie again. We deserve the truth at the very least. But they don't see it that way. They see is as we are going after them... and not the truth. I guess mine never wanted a future anyway.

well I know after Thursdays M/C appointment that the counselor wanted to see us back ASAP. He made sure that we would have a 2+ hour session today. So we are off to that now.

I did go out and got the book after the affair. I am trying to read it to gain new and different perspective.

It seems like I am the defective unit in our relationship. She tries, and I see it. If I dont bring up my concerns, issues or feelings then all is absolutly wonderful. The problem is all of the concerns, issues and feelings directly relate to my trust. and the destruction of my self worth.

If I leave her, I am alone. But at least I am with someone that I trust.

Whoa.... I like that last sentence .... Sad but oh so true