What have you done to protect yourself in the last 7 months? At minimum, get tested for STDs. You are at every risk he has taken with his and your health.

It is doubtful there has been any change unless constructive measures have been taken.

We are talking and I am trying to figure out why he did this to both of us. What kind of encounters. I have had to dig to find everything out. In two weeks we are supposed to sit down constructive measures should I take?
I have not been tested for anything as he didn't have intercourse only blow jobs and happy endings.
I am at a loss of what to do. He has continued to lie to me by not telling me the truth about his together so he can tell me the entire truth.
I was wondering if we should get a counselor to help us.

What he keeps saying to me is that he was sick and each time he betrayed me he was filled with remorse and still is. He can hardly discuss it with me.

Seeking a counsellor together doesn't work until he has sought his own counselling in order to be able to open up and talk to you about it. Know that most cheaters lie and only admit to what they've been caught with. He may have had intercourse, if not with his rub and tugger, then possibly with someone else, so I wouldn't take his word for it. Remember he's lied to you all along, so what makes you think he's suddenly going to spill the beans.

Most cheaters don't tell the whole truth, and the truth tends to trickle out as you find things and confront them with it. He's in the doghouse now, and you are the one who sets the rules and boundaries if he wants to reconcile. It's a long road and there are many practices that have to be put into place so that he doesn't recommit, and so that you're not living in grief from triggers.

Wishing you well.

he is sorry, about what? getting caught?

He is sorry for what he did to me to him and to our relationship.
He is trying to tell me everything but it is hard. He has lied so much from shame it is hard for him to accept the truth of what he is and what he probably really thinks of himself.
I know he is still unable to be truthful 100% and when I catch him in white lies that are ridiculous I call him down on it. I feel like he has been sick. Believe me I am hurt and blown away about what I am living with. But he seems truly sorry for all that he has done. He actually seems like it is tearing him apart. I guess you could say he is sorry for getting caught because it is all seedy but I think he is also sorry for the pain he has caused me, him and us.
Am I being naive?
What should I do? I am trying to figure this out and believe that we are going to have to get someone else involved to get all of the truth out in the open and see if we can go forward together.
I want to thank everyone for their response. I have been unable to discuss anything with anyone at all. If I tell friends, family or people at our church they might hate him and never look at him the same. I have to hide this ugly secret for him even if it kills me. Unless of course, we split up.

Lenoire do you think it is possible for a couple to recover from what my husband and I have on our plate?

Yes, I do think you can. If you believe him and can see that he's remorseful and is doing everything you're asking, then I do believe you and anyone can recover from longterm infidelity. It sounds like he's developed an addiction to parlours and the seediness of anonymous encounters. It's very common when an otherwise loyal person steps out on their significant other, to seek it and get off on the seediness of it all.

Not telling others is perfectly fine, I did the same thing, only my doctor and therapist were privy to our situation, and it's for reasons you mention, as well as others. Those who haven't experienced infidelity can't understand it, often become enthralled at the shock factor, can become inappropriate about it, and as you mention, will forever hate your CS. Outing a cheating spouse isn't necessary when they are remorseful, it's only when they remain in the fog, in the affair, and continue to hurt you, that one needs to consider outting them.

It does sound like he's remorseful about all of it. Telling you the truth about it or most of it isn't important right now. He's having a difficult time admitting it to himself, let alone be able to articulate it to you. If you want to be with him, I believe that with help, and your support, he can fix himself so that you can have another go at your marriage, but this is only as long as he's willing to change. Once he feels you have provided a safe place for him to tell, he will want you to know, in order to alleviate the crushing pain and guilt he's feeling over it.

Something you can do is research his sexual behaviours, like going on craigs, rub 'n tugs, etc., online, and become prepared for deviances that might startle you if you were to hear them coming out of his mouth first. When you're prepared, you're in a better place to receive information, that would otherwise knock you off your feet. If he knows that you've educated yourself on the topic, can help him with it, even if it means getting him to read articles, so you can both realize that you're dealing with a sex addiction, you can make progress with it together. If you let him know that you won't throw him out, or out him to everyone, and want to help him with it, he may come around in a few weeks, and the truth may trickle out.

I believe that once people feel they have support and they're not going to be shunned, they eventually feel safe enough to talk about it. He will have to change his habits, and I don't know if he's the type who would be willing to see a therapist, as it would require a commitment of a year or so of regular weekly appointments, or meeting regularly in a group setting. Once he can break his habits for a period of a 18 months or more, he should be well on his way to recovery. There are others on this site who are currently healing from similar experiences to yours, and we may hear from them as well.

Thank you Lenoire your words make me feel like there is hope.

Would your rather your partner orgasm with a stranger or have your loved one giving other 100'sof orgasams as his job and lied to you about it, and blame you for being ignorant. I am fully living, adoring, and teenager passionate for my spouse , and she repaid me by letting me find out, that a twenty years,papered therapist, was cover for master sperm. For me your and problem is the same. No truthful communication from them about the most important trust of a relationship, and the you had a hunch, did nothing, a bear all the punishment for something you didn't do. Sorry , I just found out my deepest of love gives happy endings as a career.

Same here 22 years and my best friend, Emotional roller coaster engaged, says he is sorry but this pain is killing me inside...alone and lost with my own thought's.

Is he sorry that he got caught or sorry for what he did? Have you seen a behavior change in him since you found out?

Great song about this by Rihanna, TAKE A BOW!

Wow! Ruth, my situation is very similar to yours. I found out about 8 months ago too, that my husband of 20 years has been attempting and meeting up with girls from backpage.com. I do not know what to do either. I love my husband. At first we went to counseling and did reconnect, but now that I am over the initial "he's finally paying attention to me again" I just feel sick. This was not caused by me. I did nothing to contribute to this, as some experts claim. My husband even agrees. I did everything he asked, including in the bedroom. I put up with his crabbiness and short-tempered attitude at times and bitching about my going to graduate school and only substitute teaching daily, but not getting benefits anywhere. Why didn't I cheat? Cuz when you love someone you are patient and have blinders for anyone else. BTW I am 13 years younger than him and still look pretty good for my age or 45. He is 58, fat & gray. Not that it matters, but how did I deserve this?

HazeyMae I know how devastated you feel, particularly if you are not part of the seedy world where your husband has been. It is difficult to understand how someone you love and respect could stray so far. I trusted my husband completely. I have always traveled a lot for my job and never once thought he would be lying to me behind my back. To be honest with you I did not know what craigslist was except for some sensational tv movie about the craigslist killer.
Not that our marriage was great. We had drifted apart, not a lot of sex or communication.
Since this came out we are so much closer and loving with one another. He has a hard time discussing what has happened and after almost eight months now we have decided to get some counselling to get it all out and hopefully move forward. Problem is finding someone. Neither of us know how to find someone. I think I am going to ask our doctor. Hang in there and read what others have written. Lenoire is very comforting and logical as are many others. I try not to judge my husband as I believe he was living in hell during those times. But we will see when we get a counselor involved where we end up.

I would watch this dude carefully.
He sounds like he could be sex addict and they are almost impossible to treat And are very hard to cure.
He is only telling you what he wants you to know and if he was meeting in people houses I bet he was doing more than a BJ.
My husband did the shame game back and forth for years, swearing to me and a counselor he'd stop only to go back again. And he got better at sneaking. Who thought he would be arranging hook ups during our son's baseball game? Just be careful because addicts are master manipulators and he knows exactly what you need to hear.
Make sure you have access to everything- phone computer. Track him. Tread carefully on this one.
Personally I couldn't continue to be married to someone where I had to be a mom, wife, have a career and play private eye too.