Thanks for the advice. I have my eyes open. I suppose time will tell......
How do you track someone?

Marriagevows if you're living in N. America, here is an excellent reference for finding a therapist in your area. It's provided by the well-known Psychology Today magazine. Where I live, doctors are very limited when it comes to referring you to a therapist, and I think this is commonplace. This link is where all registered therapists list their services, with websites, photos, and the type of practice and experience they offer. I'm so glad to hear you are both getting on so well.
Here is the link:

https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms

HazeyMae I'm sorry to read of your situation. I can tell you that it took me about 18 months before I started feeling okay with my H. Betrayed spouses probably all go through the same thing and think 'now I'm stuck with him.' What helped me was to take the focus off of him, and place it onto me so I could make good decisions on how I was going to make life better for myself. This way of thinking helped me realize that I was placing too much focus on him and trying to fix him instead of tending my wounds. I realized I wasn't healing, I was brooding and getting nowhere fast.

If you love him and like him enough (and this is very important), and he shows himself to be honourable and does the things he is expected to do, it will take the pressure off of you to monitor him, so that you can put the energy onto yourself to heal from this train wreck. I sought therapy to help me through it, and it made all the difference in how quickly and healthily I was able to heal and move to the next level.

Wishing you well.

Yesterday my CS confessed to having sex with the Asian women in the massage parlor. I thought I was prepared but was not. It really blew me away.
Trying to recover.

Thank you for the support. Lenoire told me to be prepared, but how can you be.

Marriagevows none of us were prepared, and how can anyone be prepared for d day. But once you know, you can start to do some reading about cheaters, their mode of operandi, and what other BS's discovered about their CS's. Many newly betrayed spouses go into instant damage control, and refuse to believe their husband would be 'one of those.' We recently had a post here, where after everyone's advice, thought she'd take the high road and cling to him after years of cheating, and having a current affair with a coworker. This is after he told her she wasn't the one and he needs to know if there's someone else out there better for him. I don't mean to bash BS's being that I'm here for the same reason, but all too often we stick our heads in the sand because we just don't want to know, the truth is too damaging, but the comfort of not knowing comes at a price.

When you assume the worst, and go down that nasty road of shame and disgust, it may not be as shocking when you start to hear the truth. He wasn't going to massage parlours, he was going to whore houses that fronts as massage parlours. And there's probably more that he isn't telling you. He's waiting to see how you react to this bit of truth first. I would spend a bit of time online, as I mentioned, and read what some spouses discover about their cheating spouse, and it may help you realize the depths that cheaters will go if left to their own devices.

Showing shock when the cheating spouse starts to open up about what they've been up to, stops them from telling you more, so if you want to hear the truth, be prepared for the worst case scenario. When someone has been cheating for a long time, they build up a resistance to mild stimulation, and often end up going much further. So many betrayed spouses balk when I write things like, 'they may have even experienced bisexual or group sex, or indulged in party and play drugs, like cocaine and crystal meth. They say, 'not my spouse, they wouldn't do that sort of thing,' with an air of arrogance attached to it. Have a read over at some websites with boards for cheaters to post, and it will give you a glimpse of what some CS's get up to.

When they lie and tell you it was only a kiss, or only a hand job at a rub and tug, they're testing you, to see what you are tolerant to, and to discover how much truth you can take before you tip. If you show shock or disgust, that's the end of show and tell, and chances are they won't open up any further, and possibly ever, if they think that you will use what they're about to tell you against them.

This is why I caution betrayed spouses from showing shock value, or going arms akimbo, if they want to hear the truth. But you have to be a brave soldier, and many are not so brave. They don't want to know, or are not ready to know, or somehow think they're above it, and it's not happening.

This idea of 'it can't be happening to me,' or 'my husband wouldn't do that sort of thing,' is not naiveté, it's cognitive dissonance, aka denial. It's a common human survival characteristic brought on shock, like when you've had an accident. Your body goes into shock and your mind separates itself from the trauma that caused the shock, and moves to a survival instinct and preservation. The importance of preparing oneself for impact of what you're about to hear, is the best thing a betrayed spouse can do for themselves, if they want to know the truth. When you assume the worst, you protect yourself.

when does the body shaking go away? I feel like he has done this but I am suffering not him. Even though I know he is. When will our lives be good again? The only way I can deal with him is not to discuss it often or bring too much up at once as he gets very depressed and distant.
Time, time, time and some help

Uhhh, those dreadful shakes, I had forgotten about them. I think they lasted until he came clean and there were no more secrets.

When a CS becomes depressed and acts distant when you attempt to talk about it, it's a tactic for withholding information and manipulating you, to keep you out of their minds, which is what he's done all these years right, so why give it up now? The habits a cheater forms, and we are talking diehard lying, deceit and manipulation, this disposition doesn't go away overnight. Those habits become ingrained after years and becomes their shield. To penetrate that shield would require a total breakdown of the CS, and a rewiring.

It may be time to put your foot down and make a some ultimatums; as it's often the only way a betrayed spouse can make progress. You have to set the boundaries and guidelines for recovery, not him. He doesn't get to withhold secrets anymore, that ended on d day. It's your turn to take back your power and tell him what you need and the time is now, and not when it suits him, which is probably never.

My shakes never ended because he was involved with so much that it became one inconsistent story after another.

He was too addicted to the lifestyle and would go a year before I felt I could breathe again but I soon learned he just got better at cheating. If this man is not handing over all his passwords, not keeping up his browsing history, has not reached out for professional help himself he is not sincere.

I simply decided I was worth more and chose to walk away. By doing so I eventually found a healthy relationship where there is no playing spy, there is no shakes, there is no wondering ever.

But some marriages do survive this - very few when there is a Craig's list, massage parlors, addiction piece to it. But if he is giving 110% to his recovery and YOURS anything is possible.
None of this HE gets depressed and distant.....this has stopped being about him and there is no whoa is me attitude.

With all due respect you need to deal this with dude with a tough backbone moving forward.

Good luck.

Thank you for your kind words Marriagevows. Everything you say is so true. I trusted my husband completely before. Now I question everything. I had never even heard of backpage before this. Nor did I realize there were prostitutes in the city near us. So naive! Like I said before, we were closer, now I think I need counseling again. I have an initial appt in a few weeks. He is seeing a counselor on Thursday that supposedly deals with people with sex addictions and crimes. BTW the only reason he stopped is that he got arrested in October for child enticement because the cops were trying to trap him. He is going to do 6 months in jail. He was arrested about a year ago, but never told me. Paid a fine and got out of jail. Such deceit and lies. We were best friends. :(

who out there gave me some info on a person who could help me track my CS emails, etc? Was it Jennifera

I went through this same thing with my husband. If you'd like to read our story we have a blog about it: https://www.formersexaddict.com/

You might want to also read the section about how to find your husband's online profiles. That was the only way I got the full truth out of him. https://www.formersexaddict.com/single-post/2016/02/01/Shhhh-Be-vewee-vewee-quiet-Im-hunting-mongers

thank you pfrey71
I plan to check out your blog right now. :)

The bad stuff just keeps coming out, trickle, trickle. He still denies the truth until I prove it to him.
When will I know it all? Do you ever? Will he never be able to tell me all that he did?
I am wondering how much more I can take.