You need some help with these issues. Stop blaming yourself!
You have lost your self worth and self esteem with this relationship.
You need counseling to deal with these problems. He has you
Convinced it is you not him that is at fault. Please seek help!
You might need it for some time to recover from the trauma.

I'm so sorry for your pain I've there, it hurts beyond words, when my husband finally walked out to be with his other women, it was a sense of relief and hurt at the same time. Relief because I never had to deal with the look on his face, a emotionless stare all day long, thinking of her. It hurt because this came as a blow, never saw it coming,t was pain beyond words. But when the hurt started to get less and less , the relief came in and it was wonderful, I didn't have to deal with that face ever again, I felt free of this heartless stranger I married.

Today I face another situation with my finance, he didn't cheat as far as I know, but he did have a female friend who in my heart I felt something was brewing it's a long story, I wrote about it on another post, maybe I will share it again another time but for now I wanted just to tell you, its hard to walk away, very very hard, especially when your financial situation involves two paychecks to pay off bills (this is my situation now) it has to be up to you. Relief for me was priceless, am I going to do this again with my fiance... maybe not sure yet, if I can't take the deception anymore, I will find a way to pay my bills and again I will feel relief. Chunnie the pain is hard, I know, but the decision is yours.....there is one thing I can tell you...you will make it alone, you will be surprised on how much strength you will have...fo not be afraid of not making through this alone...you will be fine...you will survive and become a stronger person.

Chunnie since I am new at this site, I didnt realize there was more post from you, when I read the rest of your story, I became furious...THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!! People who cheat need a way out of their own deception, they will never blame themselves for cheating, to them, its our fault, we were mean, we were hurtful, we were etc....cheating is 100% wrong, no excuses, no one to blame but the cheater himself...understand me, pick up the pieces, stop blaming yourself...if the man loved you he wouldn't do this, point blank...he will cheat on her, because he can not keep his (blank) to himself, bet you if another pretty girl showed him some attention he would leave this one too in time...people who cheat have no remorse, no feelings for another but their own desire...right now get past what he did, where he is now and take a step forward and say to yourself...You will never have to deal with a cheating husband again!!! Doesn't it make you feel relief not to see that cheating face again? Forget who he was when you were in love...remember what he became and just move forward....NO MORE BLAMING YOURSELF!! THIS IS NOT.... I REPEAT NOT YOUR FAULT!!!

I hope you realize how normal it is for the cheating spouse to blame the betrayed spouse. Good Lord, I think we have all heard that it was our fault...because we didn't do 'whatever' enough so that justified their cheating actions.

I hope you realize it's all bullshit.

So, really, you may have had a bad day at work or were tired. You didn't fold the socks right. Dinner got burned or didn't turn out like the picture on Pinterest.

...and that justifies what he did? Yeah, I say 'bullshit.'

See, Chunnie...you were married. Real life. Real day to day stuff. Some days are good and then, some days are not. Some days, everything runs on a dime but then, other days, everything goes wrong. The dishwasher dies, the phone gets dropped, the day at work is crap, running late or running early....This is marriage. This is life. He signed up for that. He signed up for real. You were living that with him....

....and when it got real? He bailed. That is not a weakness in you. That is a resounding weakness in HIM. So he came home from work and it was not all perfect for his sad little ass? That's life. He could have rolled up his sleeves and helped you and helped himself. Instead, he donned his plaid skirt and went behind your back....and then...decided to blame YOU for his own short comings.

He sounds like a childish, weak, excuse of a man who cheated on you repeatedly and one that is not worth fighting for.

Sending support. L~

Everything the LStecker just said Chunnie and oh yeah, give the basterd a swift kick in the nuts.

Heya Laurie!xx

I was locked out of my house for a couple of days because he had the only other key. I had no car, no mobile phone (all keys in the house, got locked out getting the mail) While he was in Philadelphia celebrating holidays with his girlfriend and her family. Instead of feeling bad for me all he asked was "where were you?" and why didn't I see your car in front of the house?" I have no idea since it was there and my keys were on the table. We got into a huge fight and I attempted suicide. Which made him angry and shovy, I got pretty sick and left home for the night where a friend could watch me (without telling her why) and went home the next afternoon and didn't leave my room until this morning since it was all I could do without losing my job. I'm hiding in my office and wanting to crawl back into bed and never leave. He still hasn't given me an answer as to when he's leaving ( I asked on Saturday the last time I said anything to him) I stay in my room and don't come out so I can avoid him. I answer his questions if he asks me anything but I don't talk to him at all. I feel invisible and like no one hears me. Yes I started counseling (4th session) but seems like she doesn't hear me as I seem to have to explain my same issues to her repeatedly. I just don't want to do this anymore. I appreciate that you complete strangers hear me and offer me kindness when no one IRL seems to see me.

I'm truly sorry for how you feel, but you know in your heart and head that you deserve more and better from this man. I hope you let him go, and then you never decide to let him back. Your heart will heal with time, but allow yourself to see the value you have in this life, and don't allow him to make you feel less. I'm sorry for the loss of your child, but the lack of compassion he shows you speaks volume of his character. Stop asking what you've done to deserve this, but what has he done to deserve you...NOTHING. Then like ceds said open the door for him to move his stuff out.

i guess i don't know that i deserve more or better. i feel utterly worthless. i don't have any self respect, self worth i can't seem to find any positivity. i feel hopeless and anxious. how could anyone love me if my own husband sees nothing when he looks at me?

You asked---

"how could anyone love me if my own husband sees nothing when he looks at me?

The answer is that your husband seeing nothing when he looks at you has to do with HIS deficiencies and problems, not yours. I know it may not seem like it, but hang in there, things WILL get better. It just takes time. Time is your friend.

Self worth cannot be found through others. .. or shouldn't.
Give yourself a freaking break and focus on YOU.

Dan it, break the cycle for you and make it happen. You can do this

Yet another fight this weekend that was completely unwarranted he picked a fight with me at midnight on saturday. I had repeatedly asked him to put away some of the hundreds of buddha amulets in preparation for hosting thanksgiving dinner for some friends (which was around the time i found out about the latest girl he's in love with right before the holiday and i couldn't cancel on all the people who had nowhere to spend the day) he didn't and because of the way our religion is there are certain rules about where they are stored and I ended up putting them in my safe deposit box and due to an incident at the bank I couldn't get them all. When he came home at midnight he sent me a mean text about how pissed he was that i didn't get them all. I ended up sleeping in my car in the garage so my crying wouldn't disturb him and get pissed off. Even though I said to him I leave him alone like he asked and never engage him it's still not enough. He seems to hate me and yet he hasn't left yet. I don't want him to leave but I hate that he makes me feel so sad and awful. If I am home I hide in my room to avoid him as much as possible. I have given him what he wants I truly leave him alone and don't say a word I only answer him if he asks something and I stay out of his way yet it doesn't seem to be enough. He lives in a home I pay all the bills for solely and is just so cruel and unkind.

I have heard every person IRL and here who says just throw him out and if I had the ability to I would. It's all I can do now to say to him "you don't get to be mean to me anymore." which he does anyway. He hurts me so badly I feel physical pain.

I read the other stories here and I'm saddened by them I don't understand hurting ANYONE this way let alone people you are meant to care about or at least have some human respect for.

Unfortunately you have allowed him to treat you as if you are second best, and until you stop him from doing so, then more pain is in store for you. You are a lovely lady, at least that can be positively said about you.

Have you seen a lawyer yet? You need to know your rights. You can't go on like this, he is destroying you. Be strong.

He will continue to do these things to you. As Dr. Phil says "people test us the way we allow them to".

Logically you have a clear understanding of acceptable behavior and its clear from your previous comments that you are aware that he is treating you very poorly. Are you aware that what he's doing is abusive? You say you weren't agood wife or atleast he's convinced you of that.

Let's say hes right, let's entertain the idea that you were a crappy wife, disatisfied, nagging yadda yadda yadda. Ok so he goes and has multiple affairs. 2 seperate issues. You chose your behavior and he chose his.

Here you are at a crossroads. Your changing and he's not. Well he is but only for the worse. Are you self punishing because you believe you deserve to be treated like a peice of garbage? Im sorry but even the biggest bitchy unhappy nagging wife doesn't deserve what he has done orc whathe is doing.

I don't think you will get any otheradvice here but to leave this man. If you haven't realized he's abusing you, I'm telling you HE IS. unless your missing key points in your story, this is absolutely emotional abuse. Please find support for that as well.

Your marriage, as you currently describe it is what I believe nearly everybody here would describe as unlivable. Since you are the bread winner that puts you ina position of power.

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical-Emotional-Abuse/support-group