I am a married person who strayed, and stopped. There ARE some of us out there. I understand the frustration of some of you on this board who have been with serial cheaters, but not all are that way. Affairs take form in many different ways, caused by many different reasons. That being said, I have been in your boyfriend's shoes, and he isn't playing "happy family"...he HAS a happy family. And the reason he is stalling is because he doesn't want to lose them. He will always put them above you. That may sound harsh, but it's the truth. And yes, the others are right, even if he did leave and pick you, who's to say he won't cheat on you as well? The best thing he can do is get help from a family counselor who can help him sort out his issues and figure out what he wants in life. If he's willing to put in the work and save his marriage and family (what he SHOULD do) or leave it all behind. Don't be that woman. You ALSO deserve happiness with a man who has a clean slate and can give you ALL of him.

Too Late: There appears to be an awful lot of lying, cheating, and stealing going on in your predicament. Regardless, you seem to be framing your thought process in terms of "Him leaving his wife." (Candidly, as a betrayed spouse myself, it is difficult for me to be entirely sympathetic to your situation.) Still: I suggest you consider a pro-active course of action, rather than simply reacting to whatever he decides to do. So, regardless of the decisions he makes for his life, what decisions are YOU going to make for yours?

marglaw, "affair" is a bullshit word made up by cheaters,

you can call; adultery, infidelity, betrayal, and deceit any nice bullshit word you want to blow smoke up you wherever your cheating selfish heart wants because the universe revolves around your needs at the moment

Are you out of your mind talking like this?
1) A man doesn't do what he doesn't want to do. If he wanted to leave his wife he would. Period.
2) Nothing changes if you keep doing what you are doing. Your life lady is in your hands- if you are happy with the situation, keep it up. If your not only you can change it.
3) You aren't hurting anyone cause they don't know? Give me your hubbys number- let's see if that can be validated.
4) Speakingbof your hubby, you don't want him. Why don't you let him find someone who does and is committed to him as much as he probably is committed to you.

You want advice? Learn to be a better person. We all should be doing that.

Love is always kind. Real true love is Always kind.

Otherwise it is called lust. Love is not lust. And lust is not love.

If a person truly loved another, they would respect and honour that person's marriage vows. They would be kind to that person's life partner and children. What you have done--is it kind?

What you have done together definitely is not love and definitely is not kind towards anyone. It is called the height of selfishness.

Adultery. It hurts and destroys the lives of others. It hurts and destroys an honest faithful spouse, it is called betrayal. It hurts and destroys whole families. It leaves a path of destruction behind it. You call that "kindness"? You call that "love"?

There is no love in this "encounter"--just using each other for selfish purposes. That is not kind. That is not love. That is lust.

Love isn't selfisn. Love is selfless, selfless, honourable, dignified, loyal, faithful, kind, trustworthy.

Anything "behind closed doors" done in secret isn't love. Anything you have to hide isn't love. Honesty and openness, kindness, trust, and faithfulness is what makes a marriage and is what makes healthy relationships. Without trust and kindness, there is no relationship--just a fake facade--an empty shell.

This blunt truth might make you miserable after reading it but real truth sets us free.

Hopeisalwayswithyou
Definitely not miserable after reading. Amused! I can assure you what we have is love! If our love is strong enough we will be together and if it doesn't work out it wasn't meant to be.

Jennifera
I am divorcing my husband and my gorgeous, fun bf will be getting a divorce soon so that we can be together properly. It is hard just now but life is too short to be miserable! If a marriage breaks down both parties are at fault!

If you really want to know if he's getting divorced, why don't you ask his wife? "The one problem is he is married.". Marriage is a problem? This whole thing is a train wreck about to happen and the cars are filled with nuclear waste.

Too-late-in-love i honestly wonder of your talking like this to specifically anger and hurt all of us betrayed partners for whom this forum is. This forum is not for cheaters who try to make themselves feel better!
"Life is to short to be miserable" you say! sure make both ur partners miserable by cheating on them.
"If it doesn't work out it wasn't meant to be" what the hell how much more selfish can you be. Once you find out it wasn't meant to be which we all say it won't be anyway. You both have tremendously hurt damaged and traumatized for life 2 good people (your partners) . You clearly have never been cheated on yet cause there would not be a nerve in ur body that would talk the way you do if you were. There is no worse pain except loosong a loved one through death than being cheated on! But go ahead and get cheated on by this so called "hot love" of yours. Will see you on this forum in a couple months again.

Do at least the right thing for your husband set him free asap. He deserves much better and you know it

Please take this triggering Ashley Madison-style "Life's short, have an affair!" post off of here. How many times do you need to be directed to the Cheaters Anonymous site? That's where you can gloat about all your plans, cry boo hoo when the BF won't go on a date with you because he's busy with his meanie awful wife, play the sad sausage routine when the whole thing blows up, and try to get validation for your cheating experience. Adultery is TRAUMATIC for those who believed they were in a committed monogamous relationship but were LIED TO. This entire thing smells either like a Troll or a Narcissist. Either way, bye!

Most marriages end because they no longer LIKE that partner along with being neglected.

He likes your company ALONG with the attention you give him. I think maybe he lost interest in his wife but may still love her. A lot of marriages/relationships are gone between 7-14 years. Maybe he's waiting for the kids to grow up. Ask him, Why haven't you left her? Does he have any intention of getting married with you?

Yes, Give him a deadline. Tell him I want to see somebody else who wants to be with me, who is more serious than you, someone who wants the same thing as me, marriage.

Yes we talk about get married. I know why he can't leave his wife just now and I have to be patient and find a way to cope in the mean time. I am not a patient person and I have never loved someone as I do him and I want to show our love to the world. It is very hard but I wish him and his family no pain and so we have to do it carefully as we have 5 children to consider. I truly hope we can work it out because if we do not I do know I will be heartbroken.
He is not a bad person. His wife treats him as a possession and does not show him the care and consideration he deserves. She does not deserve him! Why do so many think it is the fault of the person having the affair when a marriage breaks up!? If their partner was not keeping their marriage alive in all areas then how can they think it will last forever. I will probably be shot down for this view point but I believe it takes 2 to make a marriage work... communication....... sex.....respect. If any of those are lost then the marriage is doomed! People tend not to want to be by themselves and therefore are reluctant to leave the safe but dead relationship until they find happiness elsewhere, yes I agree it is not the ideal but it is the reality!
Is it really better to settle for the wrong relationship and let the love if your life get away?

Of course everyone agrees that it takes 2 to make a relationship work. However every relationship in the whole wide world will have ups and downs. Only cowards and self centered people cheat during a down time! Like I said every relationship has it's downs but not all people cheat!!! A healthy individual with morals and respect for other people would NOT cheat they would talk it out, go on counseling, or break up before cheating. So no cheating is a coward selfish action and not ok "just because the marriage has issues" hilarious that you call respect as a value in the marriage that both should give. How on earth are you respecting ur current husband and how is he respecting his wife and worse if all how is either of you respecting your kids life's and securities. Ur both selfish and disrespectful like all cheaters. And you keep going on and on to try to convince us that u 2 cheating on ur partners is ok. IT'S NOT OK AT ANY TIME TO CHEAT. You say his wife acts possessive yes hell she does. He cheated on her in the past I'm sure she may have forgiven him but obviously she knows something is not right about him. Mayne she even already suspects he's cheating. No wonder she is paranoid the 2 of you are causing that 2 her. Gosh ur ignorant. I can't believe how selfish some people are. You say you have 5 kids to consider. Than crawling do think if those 5 kids and not of urself for ONCE! Cause it's not in their best interest at all what you 2 are doing. Be a good mom and let him be a decent dad and do the right thing. And this reduculous fake fairy tale you think ur in before more people and kids get hurt

"I know why he can't leave his wife just now" - please, share...you two have such a magnificent thing going, why put off the next step? "but I wish him and his family no pain" - you are fooling yourself. "so we have to do it carefully as we have 5 children to consider" - describe the happy ending you both have planned for everyone involved. "He is not a bad person" - maybe not, but he's doing a very bad thing. "His wife treats him as a possession" - what, you mean like HER husband? "does not show him the care and consideration he deserves." - is he showing his wife the care and consideration she deserves? Seems pretty doubtful, or this situation wouldn't be here. Doesn't seem he deserves her, and I doubt he'll treat you much better down the road. "Why do so many think it is the fault of the person having the affair when a marriage breaks up!? " - there are many reasons. Betrayal causes damage. There may be problems, maybe even bad problems in the marriage, but cheating eclipses those problems. If a person is mistreated at work every day for years, then comes into work and shoots all his coworkers, do you think the news story would read, "coworkers teased one of their own." ?

"If their partner was not keeping their marriage alive in all areas then how can they think it will last forever. I will probably be shot down for this view point but I believe it takes 2 to make a marriage work... ". - you are contradicting yourself. You seem to be claiming it is his wife's responsibility and fault for not keeping their marriage together in all areas, but then state it takes 2 to make a marriage work. Correct, 2. But your boyfriend is putting more work into buttering you up for a future "marriage" than working on the one he is currently in.
"People tend not to want to be by themselves and therefore are reluctant to leave the safe but dead relationship until they find happiness elsewhere," it has been said time and again, if you aren't happy with yourself, you can't stay happy with someone else. Moving from one partner to the next is a temporary solution to a long term problem.
I apologize for throwing your words back at you, but I'm hoping you will start to see that something is very wrong here. Even if you go post this in the cheaters anonymous section, you may get more sympathetic ears, but I'm doubtful you're going to get what you're hoping for. I doubt anyone is going to cheer you on and wish you the best with your plan forward. This is a bad situation, and you need to get out of it before you hurt his family, him, your family, you, and anyone else anymore than the unseen consequences it has already caused. Please.

You have a couple of choices- continue to be a mistress and only see him when it's convenient for him. He's stays with his wife and gets the best of both worlds. No child support, no alimony, no splitting the stuff up, no lawyer fees. You could tell his wife which could backfire. She might already know and as long as he doesn't break up his family she's ok with him having an affair. She has the financial stability and family life. If she doesn't know - hard to tell what direction it could go. He could resent you for doing it. Or you could give him an ultimatum. Tell him that you understand it's hard for him to break away from his family but you deserve more and not to be treated like you are not important. What he does will show you how he truly feels. And as much as I hate to agree with others here, once someone cheats, it's easier to do it again when their life becomes boring,or stressful,or they are feeling old or not appreciated. They know there is someone out there who will give them that instant "high" of being important. They don't have to do the hard work of working on their relationship. They just go out and find someone new to make them feel happy for awhile. I'm the naive one who said it couldn't happen to me and I learned the hard way that some people always take the easy path and always think of themselves first. Push back and mean it- it will show you how he feels. Loving someone isn't enough some.