Anyone who is cheating on their spouse and lying to you is not good for you. If someone is unhappy I. Their marrIge they should step away before cheating usually hurting their spouse and tearing the family dynamics, not to mention children involved - if they are. . He should have been more respectful of everyone involved. If he cheats on his spouse why do you think he would be faithful to you in the future if he desecrated the vows with his wife? Sounds like he is stringing everyone along for his own entertainment.

You may want to copy this post to the Cheaters Anonymous group. Many folks here on the Infidelity Support group are the betrayed, dealing with the aftermath of infidelity. Cheaters may be able to give you advice that is more useful, having been/still being in your shoes so to speak.

you are extremely self-centered and in some sick form of "love" ... yuk, with an even more self centered individual

some men are like your boyfriend
some women are too

advice, develop principles beyond the the universe revolving around you, live them ,seek others that do the same

After getting a more of an understanding from your subsequent posts you have identified you and your affair partner as lifetime serial cheaters with a lot of skeletons in your closets.

In all honestly it may be best that the two of your get together and leave all other spouses/exes and potential new partners and their families out of the mix. Ideally though I don't think either of you have shown a good ability to exist in a healthy relationship and it would be best for you to work on yourselves before entering or continuing any relationship with anyone.

In pursuit of your happiness throughout these years you have no doubt left a trail of devastation and pain to your significant others, children, and family. In the end it doesn't appear you two are any closer to happiness after all these years.

Fidelity and authenticity won't be changed by finding the "right" person. It is an internal strength of integrity that is developed over time and fostered by truth and of repetition/practice.

No one has been hurt over the years as no one has ever known. My children are unaware as is my soon to be ex. I let the love of my life get away from me all these years ago and I have struggled through the rest of my life trying yo make the best of a bad marriage. I put my 3 children first and ensured they had everything and took them to every after school activity they wanted to go to! I gave up my happiness for my children as so many people do! To give me a little happiness and to help get through yes I did have a couple of affairs a few years ago but with no one knowing. The love of my life and the father of my son came thundering back into my life and I let him. The one problem is he is married. I am going to give him a chance to leave her and if he will do that for me I have no doubt that we will be faithful to each other as we will never be boring and I know he is everything I want and I will do everything I can to be everything he wants. If he doesn't leave her then I have to walk away and rebuild my life......... that scares me more than anything!!

Being the other woman will never be out of your head nor his.
Sometimes in order to understand things we have to go cold turkey.
He has feelings for you. He might really mean it when he says he will leave his wife. The problem is that what he feels for you does not seem to be strong enough to leave his family.
Broken families are sad. You don't want that on you.
His wife probably does not know. He is good if has been able to hide you for so long.
You are fantastic. You should not be hidden. You are worth more that a few hours a week.

This is the fallacy that all cheaters believe: if no one knows, no one gets hurt. "No one has been hurt over the years as no one has ever known.". The mindset of a cheater is all about entitlement. "To give me a little happiness and to help get through yes I did have a couple of affairs a few years ago but with no one knowing.". The rest of us are able to find a measure of happiness and are able to get through rough times without cheating on our partners. Everyone has difficulties, loss, and sadness. Many of us have responsibilities like family, jobs, and other obligations. It's called life. And yet in the face of all that, we honor our marriage vows or commitment to our partner. A person of character will tell their partner they are unhappy, seek resolution or dissolve the relationship *before* cheating. You reap what you sow.

I'm sorry but reading this post is made me angry. I'm sorry I'm trying to get this all straight so y'all had an affair on your respected spouses years ago and have a grown son together? Now after all these years he wants to come back into your life and what rekindle an affair that's all it is now. How do you think your grown son will feel if y'all do decide to tell him that this man is his dad? How do you think this man's wife is going to feel when she finds out? It seems to me you also have no respect for marriage seeing how you have stated you had had several Affairs in your own marriage. Maybe y'all do deserve each other. Nobody cares about how other people are affected by the actions of others. In my opinion and I'm sorry I'm not trying to bash you but you're no better than he is knowing that he's married and choosing to have an affair. He obviously does not want to be with you or he would have left his wife for you. I'm sorry but I have been the one cheated on I know the ugly feeling that it is and I think that women that expect a man to leave his family for them if he will leave that easily for a piece of ass then he's no good either. Who's to say when he gets tired of you he ain't going to move on to the next one.

Well said betrayedtodeath and cuppy213.
You may be on the wrong forum. Cause saying the inconsiderate words nobody got hurt cause nobody knows is just horribly wrong and selfish. Most on this forum are the ones that were cheated on and got their life swepped away from under their feet. It's the absolute worst and most disrespectful thing you can do to another human being. So saying nobody got hurt cause nobody knows is very ignorant and lacks any form of empathy. I think you 2 both need some individual counseling to learn empathy and work on urselves. Sorry I don't want to be mean but it's just not ok to cheat on anyone and ur knowingly hurting his wife and kids. Cause of course she will find out 1 way or another and she will be crushed by both of ur selfish actions. However maybe it will work the 2 of you together but a serial cheater doesn't change. your life together can never be perfect 24/7 for the next 50 years so either you or him will at some point find the grass greener again elsewhere no matter how much you prevent being "boring" there will be life events in any normal couple where there is down town so unless you both do extensive counseling this is doomed. Unless you're both ok with an open relationship of course

Yup, I suggested the poster go over to Cheaters Anonymous 2 days ago. This sadz routine is a trigger for the betrayed.

I think I followed a link because you talked of depression. Taking some magnesium might help. It helped me.

Hi, I didn't read the responses from other people because I wanted to immediately reply to you. Before I direct message you I wanted to ask your permission to do that. Is it okay if I message you? I have a very similar history with my significant other. I was the other woman for a long time before discovering what was really going on. When I found out the truth about him living with his girlfriend of 7 years I was already in love and attached. I didn't leave because I felt like I couldnt live without him. I stayed because he promised that he loved me and not her and that he and his girlfriend would eventually part ways. I want to share my story more in depth with you because I want you to know that you are not alone and that you are not a bad woman or any of the other negative labels you have given yourself. I've overcome so much adversity in my life. I'm highly educated. I'm hard working and independent, but I continued to stay in a relationship with a man that betrayed my trust and broke my heart because intelligence has nothing to do with this. The issue is much deeper than most people can understand. I'm glad I decided to sign on here today. I've been off for a few weeks but I believe I was meant to read your story so I could reach out to you.

Buttercupmorena please do message me. I entered here wanting to find people who had been or were in the same position. I need help and support. I am not a bad person and neither is he and all the replies I was getting almost made me delete this site and never come back on. Glad I did this morning.

Thank you wombat2.

There are quite a few men, as well as on this board, who have been cheated on by their wives. I don't think we should be blaming a gender as they cheat just about equally. I would say that most of your husband's affairs were with married women. Selfishness and betrayal is beyond gender.

For too_late_in_love, you need to understand that you are both serial cheaters and it would be difficult to make it work. The statistics as were mentioned above are ~2% for cheaters' relationships lasting. It is because both of you may not be healthy enough emotional/morally to have a functional relationship based on honesty/respect/selflessness.

Maybe being single and working on yourself first would be a good idea, along with some spiritual/personal counseling.

wow cheaters have an incredible ability to dismiss reality,
buttercup.... you were hurt that you boyfriend lied to you , he lied all shit all over his girlfriend, you were okay with that... yuk