Others will leave better replies than mine, but you were each other's first real relationships, and *sometimes* people who get together so young wonder if the grass is greener. Hopefully, your husband has learned his lesson on that.

In my case, I caught him, he went to individual counseling for one year, once a week, and then 18 months after I originally caught him, I caught him looking online again! So, it was too hard for me to trust him after that. In other words, every situation is different. Is your husband doing anything at all that makes you wonder if he is still cheating with her, or looking elsewhere for another one?

I think it depends on the two people involved and how deep the betrayal was and if there's been any suspicious activity since they claimed they stopped cheating. It takes time to rebuild trust. I hope this helps in some way. Others will post you better replies...

No suspicious activity since, but it’s hard to let me guard down. It’s more the sting of the “fairytale” love gone wrong. I know no relationship is perfect, but I always thought we had a pretty great one and was completely blindsided. And the fact that he had to test his love for me with somebody else is just the absolute worst feeling in this world. I want so badly to just heal, but I hurt nonstop.

It's been almost two years since I found out about my husband's betrayal, and I'm still haunted by it. We have been in couples therapy, I have been in individual therapy (over a year of each), and I am still struggling. I think my situation is amplified by the fact that the OW is a neighbor whose kids go to school with mine, so they're always present unfortunately. It's maddening. Also, my husband did a lot of trickle truth which has sustained my trust issues with him. That said, if your husband does the work and demonstrates that he's true, you might be okay in the long run. Try to isolate what your issues are and talk with him about it. I know my husband doesn't understand what I'm going through well. And as our therapist pointed out, I'm the kind of person to walk away if someone betrays me, so this process is especially difficult.

It takes a while to feel safe and secure again. You can't rush it.

Just keep leaning on your H. He broke your relationship and it is up to him to fix it.

See how you feel in six months. If things are not improving, you just might want to cut your losses. Your choice. Your turn.

It took a solid 2 years. But I still get triggered. Open communication, not attacking him. Because this is about how you feel.. he needs to help you feel safe and secure.

Like most of said healing work differently for different people and factors in the affair.

I've heard the 2 year ball park in terms of the emotional turmoil settling down.

I feel that it is true, but in terms of trusting again and loving again it really does depend on the degree of the affair/lying and how truthful and remorseful the cheater has been since that time.

A big part of it is seeing if your cheating spouse has been proactive in pursuit of meaningful change an displaying it. It also is affected by how scarred you are from the affair and your perspective on the relationship. Someone who don't do any or enough counseling can get stuck even if the cheating spouse has done everything right from D-day.

Sounds like 2 years may just be the magic number I sure hope so! I know it will always haunt me, but I’d like to go a day without thinking about it. No doubt I need more therapy.

The affair was short lived. He stopped it and came clean about it all to me, so I guess that should say a lot. He’s been great since. Completely open communication. He’s answered every question I’ve ever had, over and over and over again. He sticks by the fact that he honestly has no idea why it all happened. I guess I’d feel better if he understood why he allowed it to happen. I really just want to know for sure if he had true feelings for her, and I guess the only way to do that is to just take his word for it. At this point, there’s no reason to lie, I suppose.

Thanks for the advice! Some days I just feel extra crazy from it all and need some encouraging words :)

That's were the big part of him being proactive in pursuit of change. The first thing with surgery to determine how he arrived at the choices he made. You can only avoid it in the future by fixing what is wrong inside...and you have to know what is broken inside.

I’m 2.5yrs and broke down last night. I came across some old screen shots I took of my wife’s phone. Asked her to clarify a part of her affair when he texted her “When are we hooking up.” As that question meant the affair started a month or two earlier than I originally thought. My wife’s response was that “hooking up” meant hanging out. Her inability to still - after all this time - be 100% honest and transparent has really harmed our healing together.

It is definitely different for everyone, but I am sort of a pro at this whole infidelity thing...
3 of my significant relationships has been broken due to the man having affairs. My marriage of 11 years was the first one and the most damaging.

What I can say from my experience is that after 6 months things should be settling down if the man is truly done with his shitty behavior.
I think you are still upset because he has not changed his ways to the degree that is satisfactory for you and you have doubts about him not doing it again.
It is subtle things.. things we may not even recognized as the proverbial “ signs”.

My second cheater was a 6 year saga. I always had this sinking feeling in my gut that he was still involved in inappropriate behaviors, and as it turned out later - I was correct.
I truly hope that your relationship thrives and heals, but I also want to encourage you to trust your gut.
When a man is truly committed to you, it feels right naturally.
I ve known a few people who had an affair and dedicated a huge amount of time for personal growth, change, restructuring their whole value system so they never repeat the same mistake again.
If someone is in a rush to make it go away, instead of focusing on fighting the root cause of their lies and infidelity, this is usually indicative of trouble ahead.

It's only been a few days, but it comes and goes. I'm doing positive things, but then I just start crying. He's not leaving her but we are staying in the same house because of our son. I am getting angry and I am suspicious of everything.