I think that if someone has cheated - whether they cheated on thier partner - or if they were the one someone cheated WITH ---
I think if they are here to find out how to respond to thier partner - if they are either trying to work it out or understand them or help them or anything like that --
I think thats good.
If someone wants to try to work it out (or get over what has happened ) - in a positive way -
Like- if someone wants to understand why thier partner is acting a certain way - or how they feel , and is looking for insight on what they should do. If someone who cheated on thier partner wants to truly know from me - someone who was cheated on - how to help thier partner - by asking what helps me and what i want or need to hear or what they shouldnt do... that type of thing
I think thats ok
Sometimes its probably also good to work out your feelings with people you dont know - if you are unsure about yourself and what you are doing and are in a difficult situation.
Its also good for the ones who were cheatd on (especially if they are trying to work it out) - to get some perspective and understanding of how the \"cheater\" feels and what they are thinking or dealing with - or what they may be focusing on or even misunderstanding...
Or if someone who was with the cheater - was the one they cheated with
and they are trying to understand how it is for the others involved and how to avoid these types of situations and deal with difficult feelings... I think thats ok too.
But - i agree on the fact that if you are a cheater and you are going to look for sympathy or validation from people posting on a \"infadelity / cheating \" site... Or you are making excuses for your behavior -- then you are in the wrong place.
Youve got the wrong audience - and there is no reason people shouldnt let you know that.

C\'mon you guys. Everyone has made mistakes and this site is for support in getting past the hurt of someone else\'s mistake or your mistakes. Don\'t take me wrong it\'s hard for me to hear the \"other\" persons side because i feel no sympathy and thats horrible. We are all human and we all came here looking for support. This is not a place to judge people.

I agree with AshleyD.
This site is for everyone.
I know it may hurt people to hear some things, but everyone is on this site for a reason.
I don\'t think anyone has said \"ha ha I cheated, and I am proud, in your face, loser\"...that would be innappropriate.
Also, this site is full of reasons to be here. It should benefit us to hear from the other side of the story...maybe it will make our world make more sense.

Also.....
I would be thrilled if my hubby saw the error of his ways, and came to this site for support in trying to get past what he did. He is having a hard time dealing with his pain of realizing how much he hurt me, and has no idea what to do now. He is on the verge of losing his family, and doesn\'t have anywhere to turn for emotional support or to discuss. He needs support in his journey to renew his marriage, and he is a cheater.
Just because a person cheats doesn\'t mean they shouldn\'t be here.

In fact, I would love for any of the married men or women that were the cheaters to give some insight as to the emotional whys of their ways! May be helpful in the healing process of many. However, it would be hard to hear and honestly deep down I may want to reach through the computer and strangle someone, but you know that\'s my stuff, right..maybe I would heal to the point of not feeling the need to strangle quite so hard!!

I completely agree with you. Deep down I have no sympathy for a scorned woman or man that was envolved with a married person. It\'s horrible. No one should even view it that way. I am starting to understand that there is more than one victim when it comes to cheating. No one wins and in the end everyone is hurt. Granted whomever got cheating on is deffinatly the most effect by it but talking to other people in similar situations with different views or that held different places in the infidelities would be great, painful but great to hear.

In responce to this subject this is what I have to say. I am a woman that was cheated on by my fiance. He left me pregnant he left 2 children that loved him and trusted him. His gf has placed me at risk for multiple health issues related to stress caused by her constant attacks (which are still going on) and exposed me and my unborn child to MULTIPLE VD upto and including HIV the least of all warts. The affair has left me emotionally wrecked and finacially in question as I do not expect to get enough support from him to compensate half of what it will take to raise this baby alone. Yes people make mistakes and deserve forgivness BUT only if they truely want it. If the cheaters are here to complain about the pain they are having because the one they love cheats on them or goes back to their wife and family. YOU will get no sympathy from me. IF you as a cheater want to change and discover the fact that you you are a person of value and deserve better then I\'ll listen and I\'ll support but if you here for sympanthy because your heart is broken. Find some place else. Sorry if this offends but I am living a life of hell at the moment because of the choices of my ex and his gf

I MUST AGREE WITH BARBIE!!

I feel no sympathy for a woman or man when they knew the person they were seeing was married/married with children! They knew what they were doing without thinking of the cheated spouse whose heart would break once the affair was discovered! I\'m here to find out how to heal and forgive my husband for what he did.... not read how his \"other woman\" should get over her hurt! Yes, people make mistakes but when you know someone is married, prepare yourself for heartbreak and don\'t expect any sympathy from me or any other heartbroken wife or husband!

C'mon barbie...! I don't think there is a cheater who cannot empathize with the pain they have caused the "cheatee". I'll echo others and say that this site is about support. You don't have do support/interact with those you don't want to...free speech. The "cheaters" are often hurt and struggling with many issues as well and looking for support. If there's one thing I've learned it's that you cannot make this issue black and white. I find this site like my therapist - nonjudgemental and just looking to support and help you become a more whole/stable person. Your post title especially reads like an extension of the anger that you feel and that's completely normal.

All of you crack me up! You're here trying to figure out why somebody cheats?? Because maybe they had mean parents, or maybe they have low self esteem or maybe...maybe...WHATEVER!!! They cheat because they are self-centered, selfish human beings who have no morals or values. PERIOD. And they don't have an ounce of remorse in them about what they are doing, or have done, to the people that love them, and rely on them. It's all about the pleasure. And the lack of morals.

You are most certainly free to feel the way You do,but so am I. If I remember correctly you were cheating on your wife, so this is why your reaction is what it is. If the tables were turned you might feel the way i do. I think the people that truly feel remorseful about hurting there spouse are much different then the few here that BOAST about there hot steamy love affair with the married person. If there not here to cry about how hurt they are and how TERRABLE the wife of husband is to make them break it off and want support to get through the mistake they made its different.

I send BIG Hugs to Barbie...I am not here to console anyone who has gotten involved with a married man who has children. It is not because I am small minded, it is because their actions& lack of control will forever impact the lives of those on the other side...namely the other spouse and the children. We can either "suck it up" for our kids and carry the burden as we TRY to get over it, be a the bigger person, or move on and destroy our kids lives and their future. (This is not drama, look at the statistics for children in single parent homes) Im sorry to be blunt, but to all you cheaters...an affair is not a mistake...as in..oops, "I locked my keys in the car" It is more like you were a drunk driver who hit and killed someone...you didnt mean it...you're really sorry...it was bad judgement...but the person you killed will never see another day, and their family's life has been altered forever. That is what it feels like...because the pain may lessen over time, but you can never get back what you lost. I dont want to hear excuses for your bad behavior because I am living with the consequences of it....expecting me to sympathize with you is par for the course though..you only thought of yourself and your needs when you did it, so why should it be different now?
Have as many lovers as you want...just pick from the "single pool" please!!!

Thank you mswalnut and Amy S you both have spoken whats in my heart. Each day I live with a growing baby in my belly that as of right now has no father because of cheating. I have 2 other children that have lost contact with a father twice. once to abuse once to cheating. my eyes are now open i could not have spoken what you both did as clearly or as well. Thank you both.

Thanks Amy and mswalnut! I knew there were others wanting to express similiar feelings. It's nice not to sugar coat how I feel about the people that contributed to my husbands indescretions.