Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

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Emotional support

Crescent13
Crescent13

I have never done this before - write on an online form. I married my husband at when I was 21 years old we had been together since I was 18 so that was 30 years ago. Had 4 kids all grown - we had issues over the years but I loved him unconditionally!Only to discover in 2015 and 2018 he had a "relationship" with a female in her 20s!! To make things worse it was an adult member of my family!! I find this out December   2018 and I had an emotional breakdown couldn't move from my bed for more than 6 month and I was prescribed diazapam. my heart is broken and I don't feel I can express this to my 3 close friends as we were all friend together and I don't want to make out friend chose me or him scenario- I have always been told I was a selfless person and always see the big picture. I was that ashamed and embarrassed I moved out of the town I lived in. I am happy with my new house but I have a lot of pent up anger about what he did and I can't seem to find an outlet for my negative feelings.


we have and autistic adult daughter and this is so hard on her I will not talk negatively about her father or to any of our kids. I don't want to talk negatively about him to anyone we know. I believe in moving on, I still care about him - think I always will. But I need to address these anger issues 


I know his actions where not about me 


but it is so hard to get over the shame, the hurt and the overall embarrassment. 
I have been left extreme anxiety and unsure what to do about my husband - 


GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
So sorry you had to go through all of that. Are you two divorced? Did you get a divorce attorney?

I was also going to ask if you had sought any therapy? I think that would help you.

You have every right to be angry, hurt. That is completely understandable. Know that this had nothing to do with you. This was about him being selfish. So sorry. You are going to be okay.
Crescent13
Crescent13
Thank you so much - no it’s my one and only marriage I didn’t know about incident I. 2015 I found it all out in 2018. Not when’s to solicitor yet - (I am British so some words are different). I know it’s all about selfish people but I don’t want to lower my standards and be “bitch” or “evil”
monsolo
monsolo
Thank you for sharing. You are reaching out, which is exactly what I did after I found out of my wife's affair 3 years ago. Everyone told me that "it gets better". Sounded kind of cheesy when I first heard that. It's hard to think how it will get better when I couldn't sleep, was prescribed pills, went to therapy (which was a joke), Therapy is fine, but who can summarize and share everything within an hour? Seriously. We need 10 hours sessions. But, I will play the cheesy role for a second with you. It does get better. I finally had a breakthrough when I realized that nothing is personal. In the book the four agreements, the one agreement that stands out is "don't take things personal". He would have done this to anyone, and he will do it to his future girlfriends/wives, whatever. You are not the problem. He is. And now you are free from him. So Congratulations!
daisysmom
daisysmom
I am so sorry for what you are going through. It does get better. You will survive this. How did you find out? Did he come to you on his own bc of the guilt or did you learn of it on your own? If he came to you, that's remorse and he's making progress. If you found out, be careful that you are putting down boundaries and making demands bc you may be inadvertently enabling his selfish behavior. (I speak from experience...wish I didn't). Again, so sorry. Comfort your daughter and take comfort from her, too. Self care is of the utmost importance. Be kind to yourself and avoid comparing yourself to this younger woman. Instead consider that your husband fell into a ridiculous stereotype that others laugh at. He's the fool, not you. You did nothing wrong. The responsibility to rebuild (if that is what you decide) is on him.
Crescent13
Crescent13
Thank you for your kind words - they are a great source of comfort to me. It this time I don’t know my way forward - think I am in to much of a shock - even though it has been 16 month, as right now I can’t seem to get past the fact he did this after all those years together!
CoderMom
CoderMom
Talking with a counselor may help. That must be really painful...
Pri
Pri
You are an empath and feel things very deeply. You are kind and caring.

What do you want to have happen with the anger you are naturally feeling over this trauma?
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