"i just have a hard time accepting being misunderstood. what i want is to stay in an exchange for as long as it takes to arrive at understanding and being understood. no need to even agree, just understand"

I know what you mean. Kind of like when someone misunderstands the use of the word "generally". Unfortunately I have learned that no matter how many different ways you try to explain what you mean to someone who obviously misunderstood, some people just aren't going to understand you.

That is when I look at my purpose for continuing the conversation. If my purpose is to try to help them to understand what they have clearly misunderstood, but no matter how many ways I try to explain it is apparent that for whatever reason they are going to continue to misunderstand, doubt what I am saying and choose to believe I meant one thing, when in fact I meant another, I recognize that going on is futile and I let it go. There won't be resolution and my purpose will not be achieved.

Didn't read all the replies but I agree this board has changed a great deal in the last few weeks. I'm not sure why. I used to come here every night, I don't anymore.

I hope it does get back to 'normal' for the sake of all the people who are hurting, angry, confused, etc.

Sometimes, it's really hard to communicate 'intent' without hearing what's being said (with voice inflections, etc). I think that sometimes causes misunderstandings. Also, we don't know each other personally, so we don't get each other's personalities sometimes.

I don't always agree with everything being said, but I hope I offer my point of view in a respectful manner and not as a personal attack. That's never my intention. (I know I can get testy when I feel strongly about something).

My 2 cents.....

Thanks nana, but as she said, she was serious. I accepted her invitation, tried to address her concerns, and tried to state my case. I did the best I could.

Luv4ever,

I think I agree with you if I am getting what you are saying. A lot of times it is about trying to prove how you were misunderstood and less about trying to prove your point, but with all the hoopla it gets lost and people think you are pushing your ideas.

It is hard when the conversation or the post includes more than two people. Then you are trying to make sure everyone understands you. It can be tough :)

How, that is all you can do. I seriously was trying to stay out of it, I just misunderstood and thought she was kidding and I didnt want you to think it was a fight, when it wasnt...shows what I know! lol

But regardless... One thing for DAMN sure and that is I am NOT getting involved again! lol...no offense to either of you. It just has nothing to do with me and I shouldnt have stuck my nose into it in the first place.

I learned from my mistakes.

"again with the bullshit, the i never, the i only....enough already. I'm callng you out, smiting you with my glove. Pistols at forty paces.

New room, gloves off, topic started. Be there or back off. ""

Oh come on for God sake. ENOUGH ALREADY YOURSELF!!!! This is getting ridiculous. You talk about going on and on only because you want other people to understand things you've said that they may have misunderstood, but then when people try to clarify things they have said that YOU have misunderstood you accuse them of lying.

I have seen over and over that this is something that is very hard for you to accept . . . but sometimes you misunderstand too. I have been reading your posts for a long time and the only time I can remember seeing you admit that you misunderstood something that was said, you then turned around and blamed everyone else for not recognizing that you misunderstood the meaning of the term that was used that lead to your misunderstanding, and blamed them for failing to clarify it for you. As if everyone could read your mind and therefore knew you misunderstood the term.

Stop contaminating this room with this garbage and this childish "duel" stuff already. You say you have changed and maybe you have in relation to your ideas about your affair, but in so many other ways I still see the same old nosey.

HELLO!!??!! Did you read the original post in this thread? This is what was suggested!!! GET A ROOM! Make a room, take it somewhere else. So that's what I did and now, luv4ever, you have a problem with this too? There's no pleasing some people.

You didn't have to post it here. You could have privately sent your duel challenge and taken it off this board.

Sure, that way anyone who does might want to see this settled wouldn't know to look. I could have done it your way. I could have stayed out of this. I should have, really. I should never have taken the bait, I should have ignored her and you from the outset. I drove your friend away and now you've succeeded in doing the same to me. You win. You're right and I've been wrong all along. I was an asshole a year ago and I haven't changed. I haven't learned a fucking thing. I'm impulsive, compulsive, selfish, narcissitic, paranoid. I suffer from low self esteem and I can't handle criticism. I'm anxious and so immoblilized by pain and fear that I will never move forward. I was a fool to think that I would. Leopards don't change their spots and no matter how hard I fight I will always be the stupid, insignificant whore, the classic, worthless other woman.

Thank you for helping me to see myself clearly.

Nosey,

I think you are none of those things Hun.

Sure, you messed up in your marriage but hell, haven't we all done this in our own way?

I think internet forums are a great place to come and to share our thoughts and prhaps vents sometimes. This place is no different.

There are those to come specifically to pick fights but most of us here are in our own little worlds of pain and we all feel the need to lash out sometimes. Anybody who says any different is a hypocrite in my humble opinion.

I was an asshole a year ago and I haven't changed. I haven't learned a fucking thing. I'm impulsive, compulsive, selfish, narcissitic, paranoid. I suffer from low self esteem and I can't handle criticism. I'm anxious and so immoblilized by pain and fear that I will never move forward. I was a fool to think that I would. Leopards don't change their spots and no matter how hard I fight I will always be the stupid, insignificant whore, the classic, worthless other woman.

Had my very soon to be Ex-wife said these words to me, i would have agreed with her but not you Hun.

But Mick, here's the problem: at the end of the day when I'm alone and honest with myself, this is how I feel. When I look in the mirror, that is who I see. If the only way I can shake these feelings is by getting approval and validation from people here then I'm dependant, maybe codependant. Coming here and having someone like you tell me that I'm okay, giving whatever I can as some bizarre form of pennance, all has become a new addiction for me.

I can't take back what I did. Nothing is going to change that and I can't forgive myself. Ironically, that's probably what these women who despise me so much have wanted to hear all along. So at least now they're happy.

I have to go. I'm taking more than I'm giving, again. For what it's worth, I'm sorry, but that's not worth much.

If you think I despise you, you are wrong. I don't really know you so how could I despise you and to despise someone you have to give them far more thought and energy than I do. At times the things you write irritate me. That is the extent of the thought and energy I put into it.

Sorry everyone. I should have written that privately.

yes, luv. fully aware of my insignificance. i'm pissant. ironic, that's where all this shit started.

Yes, I made a terrible choice, one that I will never make again. I came to this group about 2 years for help and support. Instead I was attacked by a couple ladies here for making an anniversary dinner for my wife, complete with candles and flowers, not to make up for what I did, but to show my wife I really love her and care about her.

Below this comment box is a statement. Sorry but these ladies must not have seen that.

Sadly, I think that some people lose sight of the end goal which is to be happy. Too many get stuck on needing to be right. I hoped to be understood, and I found some of that here. I found too much of the usual shit as well though. I struggle enough with self esteem. To come in here and have to fight to be seen for who I am today is too much. It's not support, but support is too much to hope for from people whose marriages will eventually fail because they will never let go of the past. I wish there was some consolation in that thought. At least I can say I tried to give something useful to some people who might have otherwise ended up on that path. It wasn't all for shit. I will get better, and some others will be happier because I came and told my story.

Those who know me, know me well
Those who don't can go to hell