Infidelity Support Group
Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...
These discussions that go on and on with people defending their positions to the end, as well as passive-agressively slinging stones at others, are changing the tone of the board for the worse.
One of the problems in Cheaters Anonymous (from my perspective) is that people can't see, or simply accept, the viewpoints of the others. Add a few people who love to argue, and you get unending low burning wars, restatements of position, escalating emotions, fights over the definitions of word (i.e. "naive"), etc.
Now this board has become this way. It sucks. It stinks on ice. And it takes alot to stink on ice. It takes watching "Dude, Where's My Car?" ten times in one day to reach that level of stink.
Eventually if this continues, the board will lose its effectiveness. Does anyone really want that? Or worse yet, the board will turn into the cliquey crap fest that is Breakups and Divorce. (Shudder)
So, rather than taint this board, if you really want to carry on the unending arguments why not just create a member board where you can battle? Take the war somewhere else so people who are seeking help can get it without being drowned out.
(Of course, now I am guilty of the same thing but I felt it should be said. I will not make any further comments on this.)
One of the problems in Cheaters Anonymous (from my perspective) is that people can't see, or simply accept, the viewpoints of the others. Add a few people who love to argue, and you get unending low burning wars, restatements of position, escalating emotions, fights over the definitions of word (i.e. "naive"), etc.
Now this board has become this way. It sucks. It stinks on ice. And it takes alot to stink on ice. It takes watching "Dude, Where's My Car?" ten times in one day to reach that level of stink.
Eventually if this continues, the board will lose its effectiveness. Does anyone really want that? Or worse yet, the board will turn into the cliquey crap fest that is Breakups and Divorce. (Shudder)
So, rather than taint this board, if you really want to carry on the unending arguments why not just create a member board where you can battle? Take the war somewhere else so people who are seeking help can get it without being drowned out.
(Of course, now I am guilty of the same thing but I felt it should be said. I will not make any further comments on this.)
I was talking about the other, when the board is used to stick it to someone. That is wrong. That is what I meant should be restricted to our personal journals so the whole board doesnt have to read about the drama that isnt about this subject. It is so the board isnt drug into the backroom drama. It isnt fair to the people involved or the innocent people on the board that just want to come here and support folks. It makes people very uncomfortable. Private issues between members should be sorted out by private messages or on private journals only ..not the board. That is just my own personal opinion.
Sure we all have differences at times, that's gonna happen, call it life! But it what we do with those differences! Conflict happens, it comes it goes, it wanes, etc....but how one deals with the conflict does give a huge clue, of unspoken history.
I've seen people get at each other, here, but quickly recognize it, apologize for it, and soon the steam dies down, as it should. That is an example we've often spoken of here, that we agree to disagree with dignity, and when we forget, we quickly remember the dignity part.
Then there are those who love to engage in a lively exchange, and soon it turns from that to a major disagreement. That quickly jumps over all rationalization, and soon it's World War III. Some people seemto enjoy humiliating others publicly! I h ave no patience for that!
Then to make things worse, and take it one step further, we have those who feel the
they must run to their friend's side, sometimes without being asked, and sometimes having been asked (lol), and post something in support of the friend who perceives they are personally being attacked, and then we get another friend from the other side, doing the exact thing! Boy this board gets busy, with instant messages, emails, meebo, sometimes even phone calls, lol, and the world goes round.
Pretty soon whe have two huge groups of opposing forces, which become cliques, and that goes on for a while, until we're all so dang busy arguing, defending, justifying, defining, proving, etc
you'd think that we were politicians running for office! lol
Or at least it seems to be such an important task, at the time, and in reality, we are just running our little selves, into little circles, accomplishing little, with the exception of wasting a lot of time.
So, fo rthe most part, I choose to not engage, and am happy that I've kicked back a bit, and refrained, cuz it accomplishes nothing good, in my book!
And then of course, we have the famous troll, hwo just loves to stir up trouble, sometimes an unknown entity, sometimes a newbie, sometimes someone here who knows all well, but has a couple additional accounts and avi's, who just love to pull, and yank our chains!
So of all the various craziness, I like the troll th e best, for one simple reason:
It seems to unite all of the oldies here, and create a re-unification, a solidarity, like no other! I'm chuckling about it, only cuz of the end result. And, I do have to admit, I have been known, on occasion to join forces against the troll, and I have let that dang troll, rile me up a bit.
But, we've all been there, done that, and guess most of us already kmow what to do! Put the ignorant party on "ignore", and just ignore. As well as don't take too much stock in our individual recognition or popularity, or compete too much for that popularity. Cuz anothother room, got destroyed over who was more popular, prettier, had more friends, and all that same bs junior High kids are concerned with. As far as I know, many got suspended, left, and seems that what they thought was such a strong solidarity evaporated within a couple weeks, all due to the famous ego, and words which were intended to hurt!
Ironically, no one here wants that treatment, but yet some do dole it out on occasion! Oh well, call it human nature!
yes it does. that said, disclosing someone elses's background in a passive-aggressive post, knowing that in all likelihood it will start a personal and public conflict might not be the wisest choice. and it's not particularly considerate where the other posters who are not involved are concerned.
you mentioned that it's n ot particularly considerate when others join in, who are not involved
for sure, gotta agree with that! But at the time, individuals aren't
"considering" too much at the time, thereby will not be considerate. Cuz to me that world implies that you take time out, to think of others, and that's the last thing we'll see on occasion!
Then again, some parties do consider what their words will do (intentionally hurt), and do it anyways! Back to my old premise:
people don't want it, but yet dole it out!
It's gotta come out of the pain, I would guess that's still present in folk's hearts. Many times that pain gets camoflaged reall well, and even gets buried, and comes out as the new revised emotion, anger! When some of those triggers hit, look out, anger spewing forth all over the place.
That's why I always thought the most malicious weapon is the tongue, and in our case, i guess the keyboard announcing out loud what the tongue would say! Not pretty, not pretty at all!
what is the saddest situation is pretty pathetic and bad bad news!
an individual, finally feels like opening up, does so, tells another something in confidence, or journals and trusts their "cyber friends",
only to discover
that cyber "friend" uses all that info. against the individual. OUch!!!
When the angry monster hits, it seems people, in general, here and in real life, change the integrity rules to anything goes. I hate to see that, really do!
But then again, is it practical to assume anything aobut cyber friends, whom we have not ever met in person???
This is my goal!
Cuz you've pretty much have played by the "integrity" rules, as far as I have seen! But I don't wanna start evaluating who has, who hasn't, as you've already stated, (and me too, in the past)
that we are aware that sometimes we've possibly contributed to some disagreement, after it was in full swing. But we also said sorry, if we did contribute.
That's the problem though:
YOu could have been perfect 99/100 times, and people will remember the one time, we did behave perfectly! lol
I do know of another room, and another woman, who portrayed wonderfulness, sweetness, intelligence, and all that, and my instinct says otherwise, that
behind the scenes, a lot of crap was flying, with those emails, phone calls, and recruiting friends, to jump on the huge bandwagon! And later these individuals cry, "Woe is me!"
I learned after one guy, was very rude, condescending, (and most called him a misogynist, which he certainly proved to be) that he baited me nicely, and silly me fell for it!
Haven't seen this creep around for a while, but when I did , just read a few things, laughed about it to myself, and learned that it was a waste of time. So yeah, Nana, we can just chalk it up!
i agree that anger is usually hiding pain, or fear, and that when it gets buried it will usually reappear down the line.
i know you weren't talking about me specifically, no worries. i will talk about me a little. many people see me as a person who needs to be right, who needs to win. honestly, i just have a hard time accepting being misunderstood. what i want is to stay in an exchange for as long as it takes to arrive at understanding and being understood. no need to even agree, just understand. the alternative is to walk away, leaving all the residual anger to be buried, available to resurface later. i think that is what has happened between me and some of the other posters in the past.
the ignore button relieves the pressure in the moment but unfortunately brings no resolution.
Well, allI can say is: like in real life! I know of a neighbor who is very rude, disrespectful, and in competition with her husband. After she chose to use me as an audience, I just reminded her, it's inappropriate, and you'll have to excuse me, cuz I won't participate and be used as a pawn in witnessing you berating your husband, as often as you do, and as venomously as y ou do!
I really could give 2 craps, cuz we all know it would be a matter of time, that she'd try to dole that condescending behavior at me! I didn't respect her, for how she disrespected him! So I put her on "ignore", and to tell ya the truth, I nipped her rudeness in the bud, just like the relationship, cuz of course, she was high and mighty, and then got angry at me!
So here we have the ignore button, and that's what its for! I figure if someone wants to lash out, they can do it in private, behind closed doors, cuz I refuse to participate in "bullying behavior". I do feel that if one witnesses it, and doesn't speak up, that they are also a "bully".